I just want to write you poetry tonight.
I just want to talk to crows and croon love songs to the full moon.
I keep thinking about adding to my Coup de Foudre tattoo.
Hearts and lightning bolts.
More hearts.
An explosion of hearts.
I think about you.
I cry.
Sometimes I yell at you in the car.
“Don’t give up on me, don’t stop chasing me, this is it, this is the push, don’t stop.”
I want you to come for me.
I want to be the one.
I think about not having you for years.
I still dream about being with you for all my years.
I think about my impending PhD.
I ponder the thinking and reading and writing I will have to do.
And maybe you won’t be a distraction.
And maybe you will.
And maybe you will be the carrot I use to get through the program.
He’ll come back to me when I am a doctor.
He’ll come for me.
As though you’re the reward for doing the work.
I want to grow old with you and be stupid and silly and mad.
I want to have dumb arguments with you and then have make up sex.
God.
I haven’t really thought too much about the sex.
I think I am afraid to.
I will get lost in the glory of the memories and beat my heart harder on the wall around you.
I long for you.
I dream about you.
The moon full in the sky beckons me to you.
I think about you walking outside.
I think about you sleeping.
I wish to be wrapped up in your arms.
I long to not be heartbroken.
Heart broke open.
Heart in the mouth of crow flying across the miles to you.
That’s the tattoo I keep thinking about.
A crow on my back flying with a heart in its mouth.
An anatomical heart.
With wild daisies growing out from it.
I feel hollowed out.
I miss you baby.
I miss you much.
This isn’t even a poem.
This isn’t even a blog.
This is just a list, a litany, a compilations of thoughts about you.
I can’t stop thinking about you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I can’t go on without you.
And yet I keep going on.
I have changed and I can’t tell where it is leading me.
I just fervently hope.
Pray.
Wish.
That it leads me back to you.
I just want to be your Buttercup.
I just want to be your baby.
Baby.
I just want to be yours.
Always.
Forever.
Your.
Baby Girl.
