Posts Tagged ‘Face Time’

Replace A Permit

April 28, 2016

But let me start the blog by saying.

Acceptance is the answer to all my problems.

Good lord.

I had this odd feeling to read that little bit in my favorite book, not a book that I talk about much, well, here, but I do talk about it a lot, I read it daily, I have a sort of morning routine and it was suggested to me last time I met with my person that I read it.

“Ugh,” I said, “I just read that, I mean, literally, I just read that.”

“Read it again,” she said and continued on making the suggestions.

Of course I totally didn’t read it, I already have my morning routine, I don’t need another thing in it, don’t you know who I am?

Don’t you know how fucking busy I am?

Don’t you.

Um.

Heh.

Shut the fuck up, Martines, and take the suggestion.

And I remember to do so this morning, it was just the oddest little reminder, hey you, remember that thing that was suggested to you?

Yeah, that, read it.

It will come in handy today.

I did my regular readings and then I flipped open the book to that part and I read it again, for the who knows, 100th time, at least, and of course.

I got something from it.

“There are absolutely no mistakes in God’s world.”

Oh yeah.

Thank you.

Yes.

Exactly!

I promptly forgot that, but it came back to me as I prepared to launch out into my day.

Already feeling like I had had quite a day.

Morning routine, little kneel down, say the good words, get the acceptance on, ask for some guidance, ask to be of service, help me get to work safely and home safely on my scooter, be patient, kind, tolerant and loving, you know, the basics.

Breakfast.

Coffee.

More coffee.

God damn I love coffee.

Thank you God for coffee.

I digress.

Writing.

Face Time with Saturday’s date.

Slightly awkward, bad connection, he caught a screen shot of me with my mouth wide open in what looks like a classic horror movie still.

Or.

A really bad blow job face.

Ugh.

Erase that now, I asked.

I don’t think he erased it.

We chatted, it was a bad connection, so phone check in re all the things.

Then off to scooter to the optometrist to pick up my fancy schmancy new prescription sunglasses.

My first ever pair of prescriptions and I spent a pretty penny on them, most expensive pair of glasses I have ever bought, but the frames are gorgeous (I actually rued not getting them as a straight up pair of frames with my regular prescription, I think they may look better as just plain glasses, but oh well, I got them now) and I was absolutely astounded by how good everything looked.

Like.

Man.

I should have done this sooner.

They are fantastic.

I could see everything clear and crisp and there’s not glare on the road and whoa.

Plus, it’s nice to have sunglasses, I haven’t really worn a pair of them, outside of that thing in the desert, since I started wearing glasses again right before my 40th birthday.

Yes.

So lovely to see.

Even though.

Sometimes.

I see things I don’t want to see.

Or I see things that are missing.

LITERALLY.

Fuck me.

My child care parking permit was not on my scooter this morning.

Really?

REALLY?!

Where the fuck is it?

I’m not going to be able to park on the block at work without the permit, I’m going to get tickets, I’m going to have to ride my bike again, I’m so used to the scooter, I don’t want to.

I.

Shhh.

Acceptance.

Ah.

Big old sigh.

It’s not like I got hurt or lost something that can’t be replaced.

Even though when I told my employers, the mom acted like I wasn’t going to be able to get another until the permit expired in November.

Well.

I guess I’m getting back on the bicycle and bike commuting again.

Grrr.

I have to meet my person in the Castro tomorrow night at 18th and Diamond.

I hate that hill on a one speed.

Frogs.

Except.

Hmmm.

I bet I can still ride my scooter in.

I did today and the parking meter dude zipped right past me without bothering to stop and he did not chalk my tire.

“I bet they’re used to seeing your scooter and they know that it’s got a permit,” the mom said.

“You could park it in front of the garage if you think you’ll feel better about it there,” the dad said.

“I think it’s ok and I’ll figure out what I can do to replace it, if I can replace it, and if I can’t, I’ll be riding my bicycle back to work again,” I said, thanking them and getting on with the work that needed to be done.

Run to the market, get fixings, run to Lucca Ravioli, get tortellini and pesto for dinner, make a vat of broccoli soup, cook up some rice, make snacks for the boys, God, they were adorable today.

“I’m going to marry Carmen when I grow up,” the youngest said today.

Now that’s a first, it’s always been the six year old who has said I was his betrothed.

Then.

“No, you can’t, she’s too old for you,” his brother said.

Ouch.

I mean, yes, of course.

“Besides, I’m marrying Carmen, you can marry somebody else,” he finished.

Oh my God.

The cuteness.

He tugged on my hand later as we were walking to the park.

“Yes pie,” I asked looking at him, “what do you need?  Do you need a snack?”

“Nothing,” he replied, “I just need to kiss you.”

Oh.

Heart melting into puddle on sidewalk.

Then he kissed my hand.

Love my job.

Sometimes it just astounds me that I get to do this job, that I am entrusted with these two children, that I have gotten to have a little hand in raising them, loving them, being there for them.

And I have loved all the children I have nannied.

They have all left a little impression of themselves on my heart.

Some bigger than others.

Fingerprints smudged with childish laughter, the first I love you’s, the first smiles, the first hugs, the moments when they fall asleep on my shoulder, soft and heavy and luscious with the smell of sleep.

Luckiest girl in the world.

My little love bunnies.

My heart is full.

Deep and satiated with happy.

And it turns out the I can get a replacement permit from the SFMTA for the small fee of $18.

Although I will have to show up at their office, to do so, it has to be done in person.

Fine.

I can spend a morning doing that.

I think that’s called “adulting” or something like that.

I can accept that.

I was primed to do so this morning.

May I always be so flexible.

It really is the easier, softer way.

Something like this would have wrecked me for weeks, now, today.

Not so much.

I have other things to think about.

Dream about.

Plan for.

Papers to write.

Articles to read.

Ships to sail, tattoos to get, check books to balance, kissing to be had, dancing to be done, bills to be paid, life to be lived.

One beautiful.

Infatuating.

Glorious.

Day at a time.

 

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Time To Edit

April 27, 2016

My mouth.

Or my pen.

Er.

My blog.

Haha.

Nope.

I mean.

Well.

Maybe.

I have done the thing where in I have facecrack friended a blind date before our first date.

It doesn’t feel like a blind date though, we’ve texted a lot, had a few phone calls and awkwardly face timed twice now.

We’ve got a date for Saturday and it’s been discussed that it’s going to be an all day date.

I also clarified if this was a hook up or a date.

Not that I am opposed to the hook up, he’s sexy and there’s chemistry already, so, there’s that, but it seems more than a hook up, there’s a lot of commonality.

Especially in the not drinking/drugging thing–he’s straight edge and well, if you haven’t figured out what I do you can always ask me privately, I’m not into breaking it all the way down on my blog, it’s um, not seemly.

Plus.

We both have loads of tattoos, always a plus.

Like pinball, baseball, music, books, and it’s apparent he’s intelligent.

I am liking it.

The only draw back is the distance.

I feel like I’m sort of breaking my own rule about dating someone on the other side of the bridge.

Hooking up might be different, but dating is a challenge with distance.

Never the less, there will be a day long date Saturday and I’ll know more at that point.

I’m tentatively excited.

I don’t want to have expectations.

They lead to resentments.

But.

Yeah.

There seems to be something here and of all the Tinder dates and matches he’s definitely head and shoulders above the rest.

So we have enough friends in common that we inevitably both posted on a mutual friend’s facecrack time line in regards to her anniversary today.

And there it was.

“I see you,” he texted me.

I laughed to myself.

I had already done the facecrack troll on his page.

I chided him a little, but totally said yeah, we can friend it up.

Despite being very well aware that all my blog posts are visible to anyone who friends me.

There’s a lot of incriminating shit here.

And.

There’s none at all, all at the same time.

I am transparent, most of the time, I put it out there and sometimes it ain’t pretty.

That’s ok.

If my blog scares him off, then well, it wasn’t meant to be.

I do know that I’ll most likely curtail any more writing about him.

Especially if this leads to dating, which I suspect it could.

No need to live in the future though, just taking it one moment, text, call, date at a time.

I have plenty, plenty, plenty on my plate.

The reading for school, the negotiating my last weekend of school–a lot of people want to have get togethers and hang out and such and I’m rather of the opinion that I would rather not, but I also kinda would.

I’m on the fence.

Like I said just a moment ago, I don’t have to figure it out now.

I know that I’m definitely hanging out with one of my girlfriend’s on Sunday, she’s goingt to crash over here and we’re going to have a slumber party.

And another of my girlfriend’s and I are going to the Steampunk Masquerade Ball at NIMBY the following weekend.

I like my cohort.

But I’m not sure I want to get real wrapped up in trying to spend time with everyone before the weekend is over.

I mean.

I’m still going to have to go to work and do the deal and I’ll have papers to finish before I head to New York too.

Ah.

See.

I can get caught up in the future so quick.

Be still my funny head and relax, all is good, I’m on track with my reading and I have a date for Saturday with someone I find funny, smart, sexy, and attractive, who I already know I can carry a conversation with and who won’t kiss me with beer breath.

I just keep showing up for what’s in front of me and the weekend will get here when it’s supposed to.

A little yoga.

A little work, a lot, boy, talk about work, today was a long play date with two other kids from school, I cooked up a storm and must have gotten a great work out in–all the toys I picked up, I cannot begin to count how many times I bent over and grabbed Lego’s or train tracks up off the floor, Magna Tiles, stuffies, blocks, Octonauts, books, markers, all the things.

A good bit of doing the deal.

I have a little something to do every night after work, someone to meet, somewhere to go, some church to sit in and get settled down about my life, recovery, all the jumble of work and school and time management and dating.

It’s been fun, though, this flirting.

I will not say that it hasn’t.

But yeah.

Thinking about it as I just texted him a good night thought, it’s time to not write about it anymore.

It’s not my place to reveal details and also, I know myself well enough to know I put my heart on my sleeve pretty damn quick.

Hell.

It’s usually out there all the time anyway, but I don’t need it to be seen so quick.

He may not have figured out the links to the blog yet anyhow, but I would rather him get to know me by hanging out with me.

And.

Well.

Since I feel this has potential, it’s got legs, it might go somewhere, well, then it’s mine to cherish and experience, keep private so to speak.

Oh.

No worries.

I’m sure there will be plenty of titillating things for me to write about.

Fuck.

I can make just about any blog I write provocative.

I’m a flirt.

At least in print.

Fingers crossed I can convey it in person.

Heh.

I’ll let you in on that.

I will be flirting.

And I will be wearing a dress.

Polka dots maybe.

Giggles.

See.

Already, an inside joke to myself.

I got to stop while I’m a head.

Nighty night

Y’all.

Monday, We Meet Again

April 26, 2016

I was supposed to have a date tonight, but he cancelled.

Which is fine.

I have another date this weekend and I feel like it’s a good match, helps that he does not drink or smoke, helps a hell of a lot.

Plus we’ve had a few conversations and we facetimed today.

I look better on Face Time than I thought.

“Did you wear that lipgloss for the call?” He asked eyes all a sparkle.

Um, ha.

No.

I am just that kind of gal, I have at least six or seven lip glosses in my bag, if not one or two more, I like my lips you know, um, shiny.

Heh.

Or sparkly, depends on the outfit.

My hair was pretty on point too, which has been fun, rocking the blonde curly like nobody’s business.

I only had so much time this morning to chat before getting my Monday the hell on.

I got up did my morning routine, breakfast, writing, a few pages of reading for school, and then off to yoga, back to the house, laundry, shower, dress, make up, Face Time, and then off to work.

Monday, Monday, Monday.

And that much closer to the next big move that I need to do for the school work thing.

I got another bit of homework done yesterday, actually, getting my Applied Spirituality posting up and doing the two responses needed for the class.

Now it’s a big push of reading of the week.

I plan on getting up early tomorrow and getting in an extra hour of reading.

I had some thoughts about getting to yoga, but I just did three days in a row, and I think a break for a day is not a bad idea.

Although.

I am very happy to report that I can feel myself getting better at things, and stronger, and feeling more and more in my body, which I am really enjoying.

My arms are getting cut, not that you can tell, but, man,  I can.

My core is also getting a lot tighter and leaner and though I am uncertain if I have lost any weight, which was not the goal of taking the classes, but I feel lighter, and that’s just nice.

Yeah.

So this week will be work, work out, work it, homework.

Then I can have some fun on Saturday.

“Work on your paper tonight!” My suitor for Saturday quipped, “so you don’t have to be worried about it on the weekend.”

I laughed.

Um.

No.

I have already done so much work today that once I am done with this blog I am going to watch the final episode of this season’s House of Cards and chill the fuck out.

“Nope,” I replied, “I’ve already done a lot of work today and I’ve got a plan, don’t worry, I’ll be present and accountable for the date.”

Which is true.

It’s one that I am looking forward to.

Unlike yesterday’s meet up, this feels pretty right on.

It’s looking like a hike around Sutro Baths and then maybe a little picnic action down at the beach.

“I want to see your freckles in the sunshine,” he said to me.

Blushing.

I forget I have freckles, but one of my photos on the dating app is of me either at Burning Man and when I get sun on my face, I get freckles.

I have a few now, but not that many.

However.

I don’t believe he’ll be disappointed.

And if he is.

Well.

Next.

I’m actually getting into this dating thing.

It seems to be gathering it’s own steam, I’ve been pretty solidly going on dates, some bad, oh so bad, some good, one great, for the last month and a half.

I mean I’ve had a date once, if not twice a week for the last six weeks or so.

Not bad.

I’m also seeing that it is really a huge numbers game.

As a friend texted me, “you’ve inspired me to go back to Tinder, but my God, all the ‘nopes’ so many.”

Seriously.

I almost never hit a match.

I’ve nixed hundreds of guys.

If I see you like small batch whiskey, nope.

Pictures of you and kids, nope.

Although I have a date with a divorced dad for this Saturday, his kid wasn’t in the profile, which I find reassuring, I don’t want to see kids on a dating sex aimed at hooking up, it’s just, I don’t know, unseemly.

Cigarette in your mouth.

Nope.

You and another woman?

Nope.

Likes red wine? Nope.  Likes going to wineries? Nope.  Attending school of hard knocks, no and no thank you.  Photo of your cute dog instead of yourself?  NOPE.

Blurry photo, no photo, old photo, no, not going there, nope.

Fish lips?

REALLY?

I thought only girls made the pouty lip thing in photos, but I have seen more than a few profiles with the big pouty mouth thing happening and it’s a bit unattractive.

No face shot, just a body photo?

Nope.

There sure are a lot of them.

The “nopes.”

However, just from using it enough, not obsessively, thanks, but enough, I have managed to match with about 50 guys.

Some of them became “nopes” after a few messages.

A couple of them I unmatched after some thought and realizing that I probably don’t want to go down that road.

And of the fifty of them, or so, I have had six dates.

One that was scary and creepy and ended with me blocking him on all social media and my phone.

Two that were just sort of not a match in real life and no chemistry.

One that was uncomfortable.

One that was good and we had some fun.

And one that was fucking amazing and we had a great time.

The last one we’ve texted a few times since and were supposed to hang out this past weekend but he got really sick, who knows, maybe something will happen further but I’m not too concerned, if it does, awesome.

The chemistry was great fun.

I’m hoping that Saturday’s date will be lucky number 7.

I have a good feeling about it and I think I’ll be trusting my gut on this one.

Until then.

The work, the working out, the homework, the doing the deal work.

You know.

Life.

Living.

Grateful for my full, abundant, happy, exuberant life.

It’s pretty damn good.

Seriously.

I am wanting for nothing.

I have so very much.

Luckiest girl in the world.

 


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