Posts Tagged ‘frozen peas’

Hobbled

November 24, 2017

I did not do much today.

I did not go very far.

I stayed at home most of the day with a brief three and a half hour outing mid day.

My ankle really was tender this morning.

It took a while to get going and I was really gentle on myself.

I have had it elevated most of the day and I’ve iced it three times already.

I’m actually thinking maybe I should ice it again while I blog.

Hang on.

This may take a minute.

Ok.

Frozen bag of peas going on.

It’s a party.

Actually the party was up on Portola from whence I have just come.

I spent the late afternoon and evening with six of the most fabulous gay men.

God.

I am so lucky to have the fellowship and community I have.

I got propped up in a big comfy lounge chair, got an ice pack and had constant refills on my sparkling water.

Plus loads of chat.

I am a little out of the loop with some of the cultural stuff the guys were talking about, I don’t get out to as much of the social stuff as they do, really my head’s been so far up my ass with school I’m surprised I even knew what day of the week it was.

I did a good bunch of homework today.

Yeah.

I know.

It’s a holiday, but it really made the best sense of my time.

Especially since I was reminded by a member of my cohort that the paper for Transpersonal is not due the last weekend of classes.

No.

It’s due next Friday.

Fuck me.

I sort of remembered that, but as I had been thinking in terms of my online classes have the components that needed to be done by the weekend, not really my in person classes.

This is also a class I have a final project presentation for.

Which frankly is a little fucked.

To have a final paper and a final group project really feels like too much work for this class.

Sigh.

Anyway.

When that came to my notice and my need to be slow and gentle today, all else sort of drifted off.

I did do a lot of writing this morning.

And I did laundry.

But then.

I did homework.

I got a webinar out-of-the-way that was an hour-long and wrote a response paper to that.

Then.

Yes.

I did.

I completely finished my take home exam for CBT.

I don’t have to do anything more for that class but attend the last webinar on December 3rd at 7p.m.

Done and done.

Super happy to have that take home exam done and turned in.

When I finished I gave my mom a call and wished her a Happy Thanksgiving and then I hobbled out to my car and drove up to the highest part, or just about of Portola.

The view was so pretty.

There were few cars on the road.

I listened to music and found good parking.

And then I spend three hours with some of the sweetest guys ever.

I was loath to go but I also needed to come home and have dinner.

There really wasn’t anything there for me to eat and I knew that going in, so I had a late lunch and wasn’t really hungry anyway.

But as it got close to seven p.m. I could feel that I would be soon and it was a good idea to go, get home, get my foot elevated again and put on the cold peas.

Meaning.

I’m chilling out.

Literally.

And it’s early and I could do more homework, but this is where I will say, hey, it’s ok to not do more homework tonight, it is a holiday, albeit an almost done holiday, and I don’t have to push myself further.

I got done a lot today and I really don’t want to watch any child or elder abuse videos right now, I’ll save that for tomorrow.

I get to go get my massage tomorrow.

Looking forward to that.

I won’t do any yoga tomorrow and probably not either on Saturday.

But.

I do think I’ll try for the restorative yoga class on Sunday, I think that will be helpful.

And I’ll keep taking it slow.

Aside from a grocery shopping run and the massage I don’t have other plans.

I may go do the deal in the Inner Sunset.

That’s probably the best idea for me.

And I’ll keep chipping away at the work and I’ll get my papers written.

And I’ll get my final group project sussed out.

I will.

Things come together, they always do.

Just taking it nice and easy and slow.

One day at a time.

And real fucking mellow.

Like.

Easy does it.

Mellow.

Lover, Why Don’t You Come Over

July 17, 2014

Just not that night.

It’s a school night.

Or that night, that’s too late.

Or.

Well fuck me.

And yes, that’s the direction this blog is going, so if your shy, or my mom, stop reading.

Ok.

So, I have sort of kept this under my hat since I have been pretty focused on healing and finances and Burning Man and being out of work and getting back into work, but yes, I have taken on a lover.

One who I have not written about until tonight because it felt like have a special secret sauce weapon.

You got to love a man who will take care of business while you recline on the bed with a leg propped up on a heap of pillows and your ankle covered in frozen peas.

The first time it happened I must have giggled madly at one point as he admonished me to hold still, trying! trying! While inveigling the perfect position to not disturb the peas, the leg, the ankle.

I will be the first to admit there were a few uncomfortable moments and one that was flat-out painful and the first time was cut short for a while, before the hormones and the ibuprofen took over and we tried again.

Success.

We had plans for our first date to be the Saturday evening after my ankle injury.

Of course I had to cancel.

I called him up and said, hey you remember that thing that we all were discussing about taking pain medication in early sobriety?  That night that you gave me your business card.

“Hey girl with the purple hair!”

He hollered at me as I was about to get on my bike and ride off into the sunset.

Literally.

That’s where I live, in the Sunset.

Aside–I miss riding my bike!  I miss it so much. I miss not having to rely on MUNI, which was so packed tonight it was unbearable and was running late and ugh.

I miss not having to budget forty-five minutes to an hour to my morning commute when it took me fifteen to twenty minutes to ride my bike to work.

That being said, I am beyond grateful that I have a relatively easy commute to MUNI, I walk a block and there’s the stop.  I get off in Cole Valley and then walk a block and I am at work.  Granted, tomorrow’s commute rather sucks, N-Judah to Cole and Carl, 43 to Masonic and Fulton, the 5 to McCallister and Divisadero.

Commute last week took full hour.

Bike ride?

25 minutes.

Sigh.

Soon, soon, I shall be back again upon my trusty whip.

So, having just thrown my leg over my sparkly steed, I paused and turned, and there he was, the guy I had thought earlier, you know, maybe you should give him your number, you have a lot of the same views on things and I liked what I was hearing.

He has a big God and I am a size queen.

“My name’s Carmen,” I said, as he approached and we exchanged pleasantries.

“What are you doing next Monday?” He asked and I was about to say hanging out with you when I recalled a date to go on a motorcycle ride with a close friend who would soon be leaving town on said motorcycle.

“I’m not available,” I smiled, the pause just hanging in the air.

“Well, call me if you ever are,” he said and handed me his business card.

I texted him when I got home.

I said let’s grab coffee.

He said yes.

We made a date.

Date fell through.

Ankle got hurt.

No more date.

Or so I thought.

“How are you doing mija?”

I got a text.

We bantered back and forth and it was cute and flirty and he asked if I needed some frozen peas and I said yes.

He didn’t bring me any frozen peas.

But I did get served.

Ahem.

May I just say that it’s so nice when a guy takes the reins.  It really is, it just clears things right up, there’s not questioning, is he attracted, how can I tell, how should I act, I’m attracted, what do I do next.

I offered him a beverage, “standing” in my kitchen on my crutches with my foot resting lightly in the walking boot, tea, water, bubbly water?

He strode toward me, took my face in his hands and kissed the daylights out of me.

Oh.

My.

How nice.

I mean, nice.

Right to the point.

“Water.”

Ok.

“And let me get it, sit down, ice your ankle, prop it up,” he kissed me again and I just about swooned.

“I’m just going to sit on the bed,” I waived at the bed, the stack of pillows already waiting, the bag of frozen peas sitting on top (just like the princess and the pea except the other way around, I am getting vast comfort from the peas, even now as I blog, there’s a bag on my ankle.  It was a long day at work.), I nestled down and took off the walking boot, pulled my leg up, placed it gingerly atop the three high stack, and dropped the peas into place.

They fell off a few times, but that’s probably more details then you need to know.

My friend joked, “pulling the old damsel in distress move, eh?”

Apparently.

I had no idea that worked, fuck I might have been doing it long ago.

What I heard better though, was something that was said to a neighboring friend that very same evening, just before I had gotten home.

“Be the rock and the let the butterflies settle on you,” he said to my friend.

Oh.

I am usually a moving target, and a fast one at that, on my bicycle, on my scooter, on the run, run, run.

It’s hard to be intimate with someone going 90 mph all the time.

I got real still.

I am trying to connect with that again.

As now, being back to work, it’s hard to co-ordinate a musician/waiter nighttime schedule to my day time nanny hours.

I have you on my brain, I texted earlier today, do you have anytime this weekend that we can get together and be noisy?

He likes that I am noisy.

I am no librarian in the sack.

He shot back a time and night.

Shoot.

I told him my schedule.

Fuck.

How’s this going to work out?

I don’t know, but I am willing to go a night or two with little sleep, we haven’t negotiated that yet.

It’s a challenge dating a musician, I have never done this before, or for that matter, one this much younger than I, but as a friend said, “you would rock a twenty year old’s world.”

And he’s not twenty.

He’s twenty-eight, so there.

Giggle.

It’s fun and I don’t have any attachments to it and it’s nice to have good sex and sex is healing as far as I am concerned and it’s nice to have had the experience of going slow in the beginning when I could not really, um, perform, to the best of my abilities.

The abilities are coming back.

There’s time.

I just wish it was earlier in the day.

I am getting older.

But I am not dead yet.

 

 

 

 

 

Ups & Downs

June 16, 2014

Mostly, ups today.

Although I did have some down.

I, uh, decided to take a shower and improvised a shower chair.

Yeah, I know, I am not the smartest tool in the box and apparently I am trying to kill myself in the shower.

Who needs to be Janet Leigh in Psycho?

I am my own worst enemy.

I asked the housemate about the patio chairs and she said, nope, could scratch the tiles.

Duh.

Really good point.

She added she had a rubber stopped stool in the closet, but I could not locate it.

By this point, I was on a mission, my legs were so itchy scratchy from the forest of dark hair I could not take it and last night I vowed I would take a shower today.

But!

I would not balance on one leg, no I would get a stool or something.

Or something.

Like an empty plastic bin from Burning Man.

Because, you know, all things Burning Man.

Socks, bins, flowers in the hair, bling-bling.

A friend painted, spray painted my crutches today in gold and even put some glitter on the wing nuts.

That was the up of my day.

I laughed so hard in glee when she presented the re-assembled crutches to me.

It was the hardest I have laughed since this damn thing happened nine days ago.

The crutches are happening and I feel happy using them.

Not for too long though, it’s still a work out and by the time I was finished with my hour of sitting in an uncomfortable chair at Our Lady of SafeWay, I was ready to call it a day.

I got back to the house and ate some dinner and decided that the one thing I could do was change the sheets on my bed.

I don’t like to go more than one week and I was at eight days.

So I gingerly walked around my bed in my walking boot and yes, I did indeed do it.

I was even going to wash them.

But when I got them into the laundry basket and put the basket on the bed and grabbed the detergent, the reality hit and I was done.

I mean.

That was it.

Hey girl.

Stop.

Stop now.

So, I shelved the idea and just left the dirty clothes and sheets in the basket.

Tomorrow, it’s like another day, another day to try to get it, the laundry, into the garage.  I think with a little more practice, it actually won’t be that difficult, walking in the boot is getting easier, although the distance has to be short, like you know, from my bed to the kitchen.

Not too far when you consider I live in a studio.

OH MY GOD.

The shower gods have heard me.

My housemate’s old partner had a broken leg and she just brought me in the step stool that they used when she broke her leg.

YAY!

I can shower without killing myself.

Or sitting on a Burning Man bin.

Which, in case you were curious, did not work too well.

I just ended up sitting on the floor of the shower and letting the water roll off me.

It might have been the longest shower I have ever taken as an adult.

The small things that I take for granted, being able to take a shower, the ease of fixing a cup of tea and moving it to my nightstand, which I never once thought about before this accident happened.

Now, I think about how do I position the kitchen chairs around the studio so that I have a chain of platforms to move the cup from.

I use three.

First, heat the water.

Then, pour the boiling water over the tea.

Next, move it to the table, use one of the chairs to settle a knee on to give stability.

Now, open fridge and take vanilla almond milk of the door and splash a little over the top.  But not too much, because you dont’ want the tea to slop over the sides of the mug while you are moving it to the next chair seat.

Which you do, then hop, skip, small jump with crutches and ankle swinging behind you, limp to the second chair.

Move cup and position self in between second and third chair.

This is where it gets easier and somewhat trickier at same time.

Place self in between third chair and chaise lounge.  Bend a knee on chaise, place crutches to the side out of your way, but within easy reach, stretch out to third chair, pick up mug of tea.

Transfer weight to left side and tea to left hand.

Carefully placing tea on coaster by the bed and turning it gently, the mug, so that the handle faces inward for easy accessibility.

Sigh with relief that you did not spill tea.

Hobble back to kitchen, retrieve peas that have been re-freezing from the last time you placed them on swollen ankle, toss peas to bed by heap of pillows.

Then make the executive decision to pee because once you are down, with frozen peas on ankle and hot tea in mug, you aren’t going to want to move any further.

While in bathroom look at self and do not get angry at self or situation.

“I love you and I forgive you”.

Try not to barf in sink.

Wash hands, dry, turn off lights.

Move self to bed and collapse, carefully in nest of pillows, lifting leg up and settling foot atop three fluffed up pillows.  Then drape gently with bag of frozen peas.

Watch Game of Thrones and call it a night.

Still Life With Frozen Peas

June 13, 2014

I could lengthen that title to:

Still Life with Frozen Peas and Striped Socks.

Icing my ankle again.

All I do is hobble around the house, thank god it’s a small space, I could not manage much more, and ice my ankle, is what my life feels like currently.

I got out once today.

I sat in an uncomfortable folding chair and got some humility sauce to go with my side of peas.

Tastes great!

I did do a few things today, and most of them just involved the simple, day-to-day things that I have perforce taken for granted.

I mean way for granted.

Taking out the compost.

My dear friend did it for me last weekend, thank heavens, otherwise today would have been so much worse, but it piled up quick.  I eat predominately fresh food, I either cook or prepare all my food from scratch.

Which means, compost.

I rarely use prepared foods.

Although when my knight in shining armour drove me to the Whole Foods on Stanyan this past Monday, I asked him to get me a roasted chicken.

And that was a handy thing to have.

I ate four meals off the bird, and a friend had dinner on the chicken too and what was left?

Bones, pieces, parts, skin, little bits of flesh.

Ie.

Soup stock.

I thought to myself last night as I poured out some pinto beans in a bowl and topped them with water to soak over night, am I going to be able to do this, actually cook tomorrow?

I figured if I have been managing to cook myself breakfast every morning since the accident, officially one week ago tonight at this exact same time I was writhing in pain and finding out what ER in the city I should go to with my Healthy San Francisco benefits, then I can cook some soup.

And I did.

It was the slow cook, long version, hours of letting it do what it wanted to do and leaving it be while I did other things, like wrangle the compost out to the garbage and ask for help with the laundry.

Laundry I was going to do myself, but man, when I got the door open to the closet and managed to pull the laundry basket to the bed, that was all I could manage.

So, I went and asked for help.

It is still not easy.

I thought my housemate was home upstairs, but she was at work, lucky lady, and her sister who is visiting hollered down.  She came down and did my laundry for me.

Surrendering again to the help of strangers.

People, I believe, really are good at heart.

The kindness of strangers has been amazing in my life when I reflect upon it.

I remember being 19, in some serious trouble, running out the door from a relationship that had suddenly and dramatically became violent and being picked up by a woman while I was hitchhiking out-of-town who totally took me under her wing.

I didn’t know what was going to happen to me then and I don’t now, but I do know I am much better equipped to handle what is happening then I was then.

For instance, I am waiting for the shoe to drop.

Not only do I not have income coming in I fear that I am going to lose one of the gigs, I can see the family or the families needing help and I am replaced like that.

I keep telling myself that if that happens, it’s still ok, I can get another job.

Hell, eventually I would have to anyway.

Kids, they grow up and go off to pre-school.

Anyway, I am off track, which is not hard to do, it takes a lot of effort to keep this person, me, a float, and as I was saying earlier in the blog, I am so grateful for the perspective of knowing what it feels like to run at full steam.

Which I won’t be doing for some time yet.

Although, brief aside, I did walk a few steps, in the walking boot tonight when I returned home.

Not unaided, I still had both crutches, but actually putting my foot down and putting pressure on it and using the crutches, but also walking.

I got in about ten steps.

Yeah.

I am ready to return to work!

Nice try, hero.

Gah.

One of the unpleasant side effects of the injury is not just using the crutches and hobbling about and not being able to put my foot down, but also not being able to be on the crutches for very long, or standing for very long.

The swelling in my foot balloons rapidly and it gets really painful.

Fat, purple, sausage toes, greeny yellow bruising on the top of the foot, the trifecta of blue, purple, and black of bruising around the ankle; and the best, the skin gets tight.

It is a serious gross out.

I have been keeping my foot in a sock.

I don’t want to see it.

However, this meandering blog, I had some success getting a few things done.

I did make the soup.

I took the roast chicken carcass and shallots and spices and some water and let it cook on a low boil for a few hours, eventually taking the bones out, letting them cool, and picking the meat off them.  I added in the pinto beans, some chopped carrots, and cauliflower and let it cook while I took another shower standing on one leg.

I had some aspirations to shave.

Wrong.

I conceded to my friend I need a shower chair.

No shaved legs, but I did not kill myself and I washed my pits, so cool.

Soup made, shaved armpits, frozen bags peas bandied about, compost taken out, clothes folded and put away.

Now, these things I would have done, except the icing the ankle bit with frozen peas, in less time than it took to write this blog.

Today.

Well, it took all day.

ALL DAY.

Sigh.

I have a greater appreciation for my health than I think I ever had.

And for my friends, who keep picking me up and toting my ass around and calling me and sending me kitten pictures and loving on me.

I am loved.

I am taken care of.

I am slowed the hell down.

I guess that’s what it took for me to see how amazing my life is.

I had to be stopped so that I could see it.

It’s been seen.

Apparently, I still have some resting and watching to do, life observations and all that.

And more frozen peas.

Always.

Pass dem peas.


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