Posts Tagged ‘intention setting’

Hello Old Friend

December 13, 2019

Ah.

Sigh.

Hello my lovely, it’s been a while.

I’m back.

For a little while, a few days here, maybe a couple of weeks, I’m not one hundred percent sure, but I am going to try and post up some blogs and stay a little regular for a little while.

At least until next semester hits.

Then.

Buh bye.

This semester was by far the heaviest work load I have carried in school.

I did a bonkers amount of reading, researching and writing.

All the time.

It just was a constant grind.

And.

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMmmmmmm.

I turned in my final paper today, this very afternoon.

I am done!

I am done!

I am done!

It feels so very nice.

I already know that I have gotten “A’s” in my two other classes, I completed one last week, turning in the final paper a little early so that I could focus on the last final project I had.

Said project cumulated in a 176 page paper.

Yeah.

I said that.

176 pages.

I pretty much put together a god damn book.

But when I think about it, that’s basically what a dissertation is, a book.

This was not my dissertation but it had some thematics that I will pull in for my work.

And I didn’t write the whole thing all in one shot.

It was broken up into four parts over the course of the semester.

I basically wrote four good sized papers and then connected them all together for the final compilation.

I am so grateful it’s done I can’t even believe that I don’t have a book to read tomorrow, a discussion post to write, a paper to write, an article to read, research to do.

All I have to do is supervision and see clients.

All.

heh.

Yeah.

That’s the other thing.

I have been busting my ass building my private practice.

I currently have 24 clients!

I cannot believe that.

It just amazes me.

Yes.

I am still nannying.

Although!

Not for long.

This week I officially dropped another day, so I’m down to working two days a week and neither day is a full day.  Mondays I’ll be working 9a.m. to 4p.m. and Tuesdays 11 a.m. to 4p.m.

And!

I gave my notice.

That’s right.

I gave my mothefucking notice.

I am so over the moon.

It actually eclipses finishing the semester, I am going to stop being a nanny.

After 13 years of nannying I am going to finally hang up my nanny clogs.

They are not the same clogs I started with, but I am ready to toss them.

I had a really good talk with the mom this week and I am giving them a very healthy notice.

I will stay with them through February.

My final day will be Tuesday, February 25th.

I am sticking it out for another couple of months for two reasons–my imminent trip to Paris and my second semester PhD retreat.

I will be missing two weeks of client sessions while I go to Paris and I will miss another week of sessions in January when I am at the retreat.  This means I will lose three weeks of revenue and that’s a lot.

To offset that I am going to stay with the family until the end of February to make sure that I have enough coming in to self-sustain.

Last week I hit my number that I need to be able to just work as a psychotherapist.

It was wonderful to see that number pop up on my Ivy Pay app–I use Ivy Pay to charge clients and it tallies what I make and when my goal number rolled over I was just over the moon.

That’s it.

That’s what I need to make weekly to be able to quit my nanny job.

I can do that!

I can.

If I wasn’t going on vacation I would have quit by the end of the year.

But.

I am going on vacation, and it is needed, I am so ready for a break.  And I don’t want to worry about covering expenses or not enjoying myself.

I want to do some clothes shopping and go to museums and eat nice food and go to the ballet.  I want to go ice skating at the Grand Palais, which has the largest indoor ice rink in the world.  I will probably fall on my ass and get run over by small children, but I don’t care, it looks marvelous and I can’t imagine anything more spectacular than ice skating in a giant palace in Paris.

I mean.

Seriously.

I also am staying at a really nice Air BnB and I dropped some dimes on it, but I know it’s going to be worth it.

So I didn’t want to worry about spending, I will likely get a tattoo while there, I like doing that, a souvenir I carry with me all my days, and if I want to order a second cafe creme or fuck, a third, I will.

I get to enjoy myself and so that means a couple more months of nanny.

So be it.

It’s worth it and there’s a light, oh there’s a bright light at the end of the tunnel.

I am almost there.

I am almost 100% fully self-supporting as a therapist, as an Associate Psychotherapist at that, I actually could afford to quit my nanny job is I was a regular MFT, but having to pay agency fees, supervision fees, administration fees and the 12.75% cut the agency takes, I have to work more.

I don’t mind, I’m just paying my dues and the end is in sight.

It’s a lovely sight too.

I’m remembering my birthday dinner last year, yeah, that’s coming up soon, next Wednesday is my birthday, and how I made the intention that I would be quitting my nanny job and have a full therapy practice.

I cannot believe it actually happened.

But it did.

The week before my birthday I hit my number and I gave notice.

Amazing.

I think my intention for this upcoming year is that I be engaged to be married by my next birthday.

I’m dead serious.

I want to be engaged.

That’s the intention I will set.

Somewhere in Paris, having dinner, rare steak or a tartare, a cafe creme and a cheese plate for dessert.

I will set my intention.

Oh yes I will.

It’s A Date!

September 28, 2014

I was chatting with a friend of mine this evening about how friendships evolve and how I am forever grateful to have been able to escort him about when he visited Paris while I was living there.

He assured me that I would be going back.

I know I will.

Just not certain yet how that’s all happening, live here, live there, go to graduate school, do this, do that, it’s all a muddle.

But.

Then as I was describing to him the renovations being finished on the Peninsula in Paris he pulled out his calendar on his phone and said, wait, wait, did some quick calculations and voila!

We spontaneously, ironically in an Italian restaurant, decided to celebrate a special anniversary of his in two years together in Paris.

We’d meet up and go have tea there.

It only costs 80 Euro for two.

But I think that’s the high tea, which is called Pink Tea, and is served with Madelines and pastries, not that I would partake of the pastries, but yes to tea, yes to making plans, yes to visiting Paris again.

Or perhaps we can have a cafe creme in Le Oiseau Blanc, the restaurant on the top floor with 360 degree views of the city.

I’m also excited by the prospect to go in September, which is a really great time to go.

The heat and humidity of the summer will have passed and though the days are a little shorter, the rainy fall season will not have started.

Late September is a perfect time to visit.

And it with this much notice, I can surely save up for the trip.

I vowed the next time I went to Paris I would go in style.

And by making a date to have an anniversary tea with my friend to celebrate at one of the grandest hotels in Paris, probably on the continent, I believe that may qualify me.

The Frank Gehry and Louis Vuitton Foundation for Creation will also be open in the Bois de Boulogne.

I want to go there as well.

It will, of course, coincide with the start of my second year of graduate school.

Not should I get in.

But when I get in.

Not will I go.

But when I go.

And I am going.

I had some moments of self-doubt and freak out and what am I thinking and this is too much work and I don’t wanna and I’ll just be a nanny all my life and go have some pity party in my coffee, after I went to the open house today at CIIS, and well, it passed.

And I will be able to go to Paris because I will be doing the weekend Intensive in ICP.

At least that’s the current plan.

I did enough research that I can see that a PsyD is out, it doesn’t make sense for what I want to do and it would be two extra years of school and a total cost of a quarter of a million dollars.

No thanks.

Not to say that the Masters won’t cost a pretty penny, it will, it just won’t be that much.

The course work will cover a three-year period.

I can apply to do the intensive and I can work.

I can also do other things.

I thought the intensive met weekly and it turns out that it does not, and though, yes I will have to do work and read and write papers during the off time that I am not on campus in the intensive, and man, they do mean intensive–Friday and Saturday from 9 a.m. until 8p.m. and Sunday 9 a.m. until 4 p.m.–I could plan vacation time around my class schedule.

So making a plan to go to Paris in two years is not out of hand at all.

Here’s to setting an intention and sticking to it.

Here’s to setting a whole bunch of intentions.

I will apply for graduate school when the application process opens for the school in November.

I will also check out other programs, there may be better programs for me elsewhere–I am just compelled by the scheduling for the intensive which would allow me to work while attending graduate school (though doubtful I would work full-time, I could)–but I will be applying to a graduate program somewhere, CIIS will be one of my schools I apply to, but there will be others too I suspect,  in the city for the fall of 2015.

The next intention.

I will be going to Atlanta, Georgia in July of 2015.

There’s a special convention that I want to attend and it will also be in the year I will be celebrating a decade of sobriety.

Sort of a special time.

And Atlanta is going to be the place to be.

The registration for the conference just opened and is $100.

I plan on registering for it with my first official paycheck from my new job.

I can’t really think of a better way to celebrate my new job.

Graduate school, travel, a new job, this next year is definitely shaping up to be something beyond what I had been thinking about before I went to Burning Man.

Burning Man is like my New Year.

I often find myself ending things just prior to the event or making big moves around in my life, whether it be career wise or life wise, or relationship wise, right before and after the event due, in no small part, to the absolute crucible of pain that I often find myself in out there.

Pain is not a bad thing, fyi, just a discomfort, something to not stuff down, but walk through and experience.

And.

I learn from it.

I had a hard time out there this year and I acknowledged it briefly here and in bits and pieces elsewhere, but mostly with my close friends.

I tell a lot of my story here, but not all, not all is appropriate or applicable to this forum, suffice to say lots happened and I had to walk through some doors with faith that I would be taken care of.

I had no idea about the new job that I would be embarking on or that I would come back from the event intent on going to graduate school and pursuing child therapy or an MFT masters with the goal to be in my own private practice.

And yet.

When intentions got set.

Things started moving.

I set the intention to help my friend celebrate his anniversary in Paris.

I set the intention to travel to the convention in Atlanta.

I set the intention of going to graduate school.

Done and done.

Oh yeah.

And a boyfriend.

I’d like one of those too.


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