Posts Tagged ‘intimate relationships’

Look At That!

November 26, 2013

I have no plans for tomorrow.

None.

I have six days off.

I have a few little things to do here and there, Wednesday I have two back to back meet ups with some lovely ladies at Trouble Coffee and Coconut Club, then nothing else until Thursday.

Which is Thanksgiving where I will be the orphan plus one guest at some one’s house in Marin.

“You know you always have a place to go,” my dearest friend in Wisconsin told me tonight.

Yeah.

I do know, but the cost of a plane ticket to Wisconsin is a big one around the holidays and I am loath to drop that on a plane ticket because I don’t feel comfortable not having plans.

I was directed to do something so when the invitation was made I said yes.

I didn’t want to.

Although I love spending time with my friend.

The thought of meeting new people and spending time with them on a sacred holiday feels overwhelming.

But then too, the idea of not doing anything is not good for me.

My friend is looking out for me and I wouldn’t do anything less for a friend myself.

Considering, too, how many times I have hosted gigantic groups of people in my home for years and years and years, I think I am ok with being a guest versus being the host.

I will bring some nice coffee or flowers and wash dishes.

And my friend is my friend, I know him and love him and his people are bound to be great.

Just got to get out-of-the-way of my own head.

Show up, be of service, bring something to the event rather than take.

That is what it is all about anyhow.

What can I bring?

To any situation, not just a holiday party or a special occasion, but all occasions, that’s where the growth still is coming from.

Other than that, I want to do some more surfing this week, I was really happy to wake up without being totally wiped out.

I did go to bed about a half hour or so early last night, I suddenly bonked out, I was done, shut down the computer, washed my face and was out solid until my alarm went off this morning.

I had a later start then normal on a Monday, but I wasn’t even going to be working today, the family asked me to help so that errands could be done before the family left for the holiday.

I was happy to help.

And it was nice to not need to be there until 10a.m.

I actually caught a ride into the Castro with my house mate as her commute took her right by my family and she was walking out the door when I was walking to my bike.

I asked and she said yes.

I could have ridden my bike in, but it was nice to have the day off from the two wheels, I have ridden a lot of extra miles over this past week, add the surfing yesterday to the mix and I was grateful for a rest.

I did notice the same ache in my shoulder when I was pushing the stroller, so I was careful and slow, but the arms other wise felt good.

Tired, yes.

But not nearly the aching sore lackluster limbs I had the last time, the first time, I went out surfing.

Of course I didn’t struggle nearly as much with the board or getting up onto it and the water being much easier on me, well, there you go.

I am pretty damn lucky when it comes down to it.

I live by the beach, I have a wetsuit, a boogie board, and now my friends long board.

Just need to get me some flip-flops again.

I ran into an old friend I had not seen in years at 7th and Irving tonight and it was really good to see him and take a moment and catch up.

I remember when I asked him to teach me how to surf and I realized that I was not ready for it, though certainly intrigued, I had no idea what I wanted.

Sometimes I think that is still true for me, but things seem to be clarifying themselves and I keep practising this honesty thing.

“I want to you to pick a principle and practise it everyday and tell me what it is,” she said to me.

Ugh.

Ok.

Today was honesty.

I asked for what I needed, let go of the results, and did my best to show up for the day.

Doesn’t always happen that way, but more and more I see myself acknowledging that I do practise a lot of honesty in my life.

Really, the one person I lie to most is myself, so when I can get out-of-the-way of that, it is an overwhelming gift.

Letting the love in and the grief out.

I admit, I am nervous about this time off, my experience over the last few weeks is that down time leads to me crying, but if that is what happens so be it.

I will take the time to allow that.

I will give myself the space to say yes to the unexpected.

I will save room to spend time with people I love and care about.

I will say yes to getting up early and staying up late to connect and form intimate relationships.

When else am I going to do that?

Granted not knowing what tomorrow will bring could be the cause for some consternation, but I know I am taken care of.

And really, when have I really known what the next day will bring?

I could go to a coffee shop and read all day.

Walk on the beach.

Do some grocery shopping.

Actually, I have to do that last one, the pantry is getting bare.

I could make some soup!

Oh.

Lovely hot soup.

The weather has turned chillier, and eating soup is such a cozy thing.

I could make chili!

I haven’t done that in a bit.

Oh, the things I could do.

Whatever happens will be what is supposed to happen.

Just got to relax into the down time.

Six days!

Holy cats.

I have a feeling this is going to be epic.


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