Posts Tagged ‘living life to its fullest’

There’s No There There

August 24, 2015

And it was lovely.

I received a cute text message from my ex-boyfriend this morning while I was making breakfast and plotting my moves for the day–what to pack, laundry to do, marketing that I needed to do before leaving to come back up here to Glen Ellen–I’m just in, 27 minutes ago I landed–and I had no emotional reaction.

I saw the text.

I recognized the number.

I saw the photo.

I laughed out loud.

It was a photo of an inside joke we had and that joke might have been one of the sweetest things about our relationship that I can feel now a warmth and fondness for.

It was so nice to realize that.

I cut up an apple and tossed it with cinnamon and nutmeg, and some sea salt, threw it in with the oatmeal on the stove, turned to the electric tea-pot, took the kettle, poured boiling water over the fresh ground coffee and felt my inner emotions.

Nothing.

No fear.

No excitement.

No anxiety.

Nothing.

Wow.

That is so nice.

No animosity!

Just a quiet gratitude for the man, for the message, and for the sweet memory that he sent me, a funny little inside joke that had been a place of resting laughter for both of us even when the break up was sad and hard to do.

It felt nice.

We exchanged a few more texts then he went his way and I went mine and I forgot about it until I was working with a lady bug at the house and we were going over some instructions on how to write inventory.

I pulled my notebook out of the stack and flipped open to the pertinent inventory and laughed as I saw my ex-boyfriends name at the top of the list.

I shared my experience with quiet gratitude and showed how I was able to get from that place of resentment to where I am now and that it works, it really works when I do the work.

Live and let live.

Easy does it.

First things first.

There again, an hour later with another lady bug, the same gentle reminder that the solution and the problem have nothing to do with each other and that really I can practice spiritual principles, stay in gratitude, and do the next action in front of me and I will be abundantly taken care of.

Exquisite.

In fact, that’s what this whole weekend was about.

What the last few weekends have been about.

Yesterday I got a text from a friend in regards to our busy ass schedules and how we had been trying to make plans to see each other before Burning Man and how it was obviously not going to happen, she was till packing and I hadn’t located my bins nor even gotten to the point in my day when I knew where or how I was going to buy said bins, and nope, not going to see you before the burn.

I mean, we live in the same town.

But.

There was no way to make it work so we made a date to go dancing on the playa–she and I and another friend had gone to the NIMBY Steampunk Masquerade Ball that the Airpusher Collective played at where the Flaming Lotus Girls Serpent Mother was fired up (yeah, I know, you haven’t been to Burning Man and have no idea what I just wrote) and the same group is doing a repeat of the ball on playa.

So.

I will be going to that.

And when we commiserated about work, and doing the deal, and all the stuff, when I texted her what I had to get accomplished before I leave for Burning Man, it left me breathless.

I mean.

Really?

How the hell am I going to get all this done and not lose my mind?

But then I read, again, “first things first,” and knew I would get it done by focusing exactly on the task in front of me and not living in the next hour or the evening or tomorrow.

I just stayed focused on what exactly was in front of me.

Then I wrote three pages long hand, did my laundry, made my bed, did the deal, knelt down asked for some stuff, said some thanks, pulled out the bins, started packing them up, slow and methodical.

I went to the grocery store and picked up a few things to just get me through the day and a birthday card and gift for one of the ladies who was coming over to the house.

Back to back to back.

I met with three ladies, did some reading, shared some experience strength and hope, asked in return that they do some things while I was away at work, confirmed our calendars for September–I won’t be able to meet with any of the ladies until after my first week on campus on school.

Then.

I texted my ride to Glen Ellen.

Confirmed a pick up time 20 minutes from the text.

I packed my bags up for Glen Ellen–a coupled days worth of clothes, my laptop, the books and readers and notebooks pertinent for the week and what I have to do for school before I leave.

I then proceeded to finish folding the laundry, take out the trash, and organize my bins.

I packed them more than 3/4s full and was on the last leg of packing when my ride pinged me.

I have perhaps fifteen minutes of packing left to do when I get back to SF on Wednesday.

I got my stuff for Glen Ellen, locked up the house, hopped in my friend’s car and we headed over the bridge.

A pit stop in Mill Valley for an hour of doing the deal, then a drive through the rolling golden lit hills of Sonoma to Glen Ellen.

We grabbed a bite to eat and figured out gas costs that I need to reimburse him for–he’s basically done the trip there and back and there and back and there and back for me, since I didn’t rent a car this time.

Then a dash up the road and I am here at 9:30 p.m.

It’s 10:15 p.m.

I am almost done with my blog, I’ll make a cup of tea, chill for the rest of the evening and get a good night’s sleep before work in the morning.

I couldn’t see how the day would play out when I was awoke with the bang and thump of my housemates little girl and her friend playing, I couldn’t have imagined such a smooth and seamless transition from here to there.

Nor that I would have such moments and pockets of grace and gratitude for the experience of just living my life to its fullest.

One day at a time.

One hour at a time.

One moment at a time.

Easy does it and there it is.

I’m here.

All the things are happening.

And I got done everything that I needed to do this weekend to be prepared for my trip to the playa.

Tomorrow and Tuesday I will write my two papers.

Then I am good to go.

I get to show up for work tomorrow happy and rested for the boys.

I get to continue to live this full, happy, joyous, free life.

I am the luckiest girl in the world.

Seriously.

I mean.

Have you seen my hair?

School’s Out For Summer!

June 9, 2015

Today was my first day, of the rest of my life, for the next three months, of having both the boys full-time.

I guess this is the Universe keeping me busy with regards to not having anytime to worry about school, financial aid, whether I will have enough, what’s going to happen next, why haven’t I heard back yet from financial aid, how come the IRS hasn’t gotten my federal refund back to me (I’m getting audited! No I’m not! Yes I am!) Ugh.

And so on.

I suppose that’s great too, I’m not obsessing about ex boyfriend, dating, or anything else either.

Note to Match.com.

The profile name of “BoozeyMike” is not a match for me, the non-boozy don’t drink anymore kind of gal, I don’t care if we have things in common (works out three to four times a week my ass, maybe lifting a pint to and from his mouth), I’m not interested.

So in a fit of pique I also re-opened the OkStupid profile.

Under a different name with updated photos, since the hair is now pink.

I decided I’d rather have options than not have options and I’m giving it the summer.

Hear that guys, especially guy who asked me out via Facebook, followed up the next day, but then never got back to me to close the deal–which I suspected after a quick Facebook snoop on said guys page–probably not my guy anyhow.

Not anyone who is checking into to Molotov’s and smokes cigarettes.

Pass.

But yeah.

Work is going to be busy.

All the way through the summer.

I’m ok with it though, having defined a time that works best for the family and myself so that I get a break that is restful and the boys have quiet time, though napping now appears out, the youngest is transitioning out of napping.

But I get an hour when the boys are on their own, in their rooms, either playing quietly or reading.

And the rest of the time, well, they are being boys, busy, loud, honking, whirring, siren imitating boys.

Also sweet, huggable, kissable, ran to meet me at the door and threw themselves at me this morning, boys.

The youngest one grabbed my hand and pulled me into the house, “do you like the Beegees?” He hollered at me.

FYI, a three-year old boy asking you if you like the Beegees may be one of the cutest things ever.

We danced around the dining room to Staying Alive, which then segued into a Paul Simon song, and after that, the Muppets, “The Rainbow Connection.”

Having a three-year old dancing on your toes first thing Monday morning may be the happiest way to start my week.

Closely followed by walking with the five-year old to BiRite and buying super yummy fruit for the house and holding his hand and talking about art and airplanes and rescue helicopters and firetrucks.

Work is good.

I am good.

Life is good.

I’m going to be ok with the two boys, in fact, I believe I will be more then ok.  Having two of them all the time can be a handful and it’s a lot of juggling, but they also entertain each other and play well together and the time passes really quickly.

My day flew by.

I barely had time to make a few check in phone calls and organize my schedule for the week.

I also had a slight change-up in my schedule, where I will be going in a half hour early to help out more in the morning and getting done a half hour earlier in the evening.

I will be at work 9a.m. to 6p.m on Mondays, my one long day, and then 10a.m. to 6p.m. Tuesday through Friday.

Not bad.

I will have a little more time, that half hour really can make quite the difference in my week, to run errands after work and before I do the deal, to sneak in a little grocery shopping so I don’t have to do it all on the weekends.

So that I can go out on dates and have fun.

I really want to emphasize that for myself, I’m having fun this summer, I’m going to dance and be silly with the boys and wear my hair full of flowers (four today) and put on sparkly makeup and go out on the weekends.

Even if I don’t have a date, I’m going to make plans to see friends and do things at least once a weekend.

I can have down days, like yesterday where I didn’t go much (laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning, doing the deal with two ladies back to back, cooking, yeah I didn’t do much) and took a nap during the latter part of the afternoon (no hell did not freeze over, but I thought it might) and read a book.

But Saturday’s I’m going to give it my best to be done with the chores and the deal and let myself do something fun.

A date with a guy.

An outing with a friend.

A trip to the Scooter Centre to get a new ride.

I thought about that a bit too this evening, as I rode home out towards the sunset, the smell of the sea washing over my face and the kiss of the sun leaving this part of the hemisphere, what it would be like to save a little time in my commute with a scooter and maybe for exercise I check out the new yoga studio down the street.

I don’t know if I’m going to buy a new scooter outright when I go to the Scooter Centre on Saturday, but I realized, I really am in the market.

I really do want to do it better this time.

I”m ready to have some real fun with a reliable ride.

Get out to more points and places and see more stuff.

And yes.

Have more fun.

That’s what you do when school’s out for summer.

You have more fun.

Bring it on!


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