Posts Tagged ‘long term relationship’

Sick Day

February 22, 2018

Oh all the poor, sweet, sick little monkeys.

I had a long nanny day.

Both my little charges were sick.

It was a day of snuggles and naps and a lot of videos.

I had to constantly be holding the baby, he just wouldn’t have it any other way.

At one point I had him down for a nap in his stroller and he kept waking up, feverish and upset, I took him out, brought him to his favorite little play area and sat on the floor with him.

Floor time is super important, just getting on the same level as a child, being there, he’s so much happier, even if I’m not super interactive, with me just being there, down on the floor with him.

I had a bunch of his favorite little snacks and got out his favorite toys and just sat in the sun with him and he ate a tiny snack and played a little bit, then he just turned and crawled up into my lap and lay his warm little head on my chest and hugged me.

I cuddled him up and hummed a little tune and the next thing I knew, he was sound asleep on me.

It was super sweet.

I mean.

I was sort of trapped, but it was a good kind of trapped.

I probably sat on the floor in the corner of the room for about an hour.

Fortunately it was in a sunny patch and there was a cozy braided rug underneath me to sit on and a wall to lean against.

I was happy to be holding him and be in the sun.

Especially considering how cold it’s been.

I just got in from my Wednesday night commitment and the walk back was hella brisk.

It is cold out there baby.

I could use a warm snuggle.

Or a hundred.

Or a thousand.

I could use a lot of warm snuggles.

Just saying.

I snuggled a lot with my little lady charge too.

We watched lots of Curious George videos and I made her homemade chicken soup with alphabet pasta.

I roll like that.

I peeled her apples to nibble on and made cups of tea and made sure she stayed hydrated and when she was sleepy I rubbed her back and petted her hair, tucking the long strands behind her small, sweet shell of an ear.

She fell asleep underneath my hand and it was such a tender moment.

I am very grateful for it, for the job, even when I was pretty wiped out by the end of the day.

The little lady bug has been sick all week and the baby has gotten it and by the end of the day, even though I’m not sick, I was pretty tired out from it.

It takes a lot of a person to constantly nurture and in one way or another I do a lot of care taking.

That is what my job is and what my internship is.

My chiropractor told me after listening to me talk about what I do, that she really wanted to help me because people in the helping careers don’t get taken care of well enough and it was obvious that I helped a lot of people.

There was a woman tonight who asked me how I do it and honestly, I’m not sure.

I pray a lot.

I try to get eight hours of sleep.

Which like never happens.

I manage six to seven most nights.

I eat well, that helps.

I try to get some fun in my life now and again.

I turn up the heat when I get home from work to take the chill out of the air in m studio, I try to keep it clean and pretty, I like to surround myself with beautiful things.

Not necessarily expensive things, but things that reflect who I am and where I have been, my little travels and journeys.


I forgot to send myself a postcard from D.C.

I always send a postcard!


Oh well.

I have so many amazing memories, I am sure they will suffice.

Plus I have the ticket from the Phillips House Museum, a notebook I bought at Kramer Books and Cafe off Dupont Circle and a book that I got there as well.

I picked up The Princess Bride.

My friend had never read it or even seen the movie and I got so into telling the story of it one afternoon that when I was at the bookstore looking for a souvenir notebook, I had to pick it up.

I have not owned a copy of it in sometime.

I remember well the first time I had read the book.

It amazed me.

It was such a powerful love story for me to read.

I must have been seventeen when I read it.

I had seen the movie in the theater and didn’t even know that there was a book.

A friend’s mother mentioned it in passing and then when she heard I hadn’t read the book, she loaned it to me.

I ate that book.

I read it so fast.

I was so enthralled.

I remember being in a romantic relationship, my first and only long-term relationship, and our first Valentine’s Day I gave him a copy of the book.

I was so excited.

It meant so much to me, that book.

He never read it

I used to fantasize that one day I would read it out loud to the love of my life while stroking his hair while his head rested in my lap.

I made a lot of romantic gestures in that long-term relationship that were never returned and I suppose at some point though I realized that it was going nowhere I would still try.

Eternal optimist I suppose.

The story still means a lot to me.

Stories do.

I like to tell them.

I like to write them.

I like to believe that narrative has the power to heal.

That the love shines through the words and that whenever I am in doubt I can return to the thread of the story, know the truth of it, the strength of it and lean in there.

Old fashioned romantic.

That’s me.

Wishing you, now and always.

Happily ever after.

Always that.



The Banter Has Begun

April 10, 2012

Well, I have not deleted the OkCupid profile.


I have to say, it’s sort of fun right now.  I believe it helps that I put down long-term relationship goals.  Sort of throws people a curve ball.

Yes, I am on a dating site looking for long-term.  I know, I am crazy.

What else is new?

This is just another twist in the wind.  I don’t actually expect anything out of it and I am not fantasizing about it and I have not obsessed around it.  So far, so good.

And oh yeah, I already have fodder for the gist mill.

NO, I don’t want to chat with you.  Yes, I did mean it when I said long-term.

Thanks for checking out my profile!  Ps.  I know you.  You don’t recognize me because I have lost a gazillion pounds since the last time I saw you and I wear glasses now.  You look pretty sexy, fyi, and thanks for responding.  Now I know you moved to Sausalito.  I had been wondering.

Which brings up an interesting point, do I want to stay within the parameters of the city?


Am I going to be willing to entertain the thought of dating outside the city?  I have found it challenging in the past to date outside of my zip code, let alone across one of the bridges.

Mostly because I don’t have a car or motorcycle or scooter.  I am confined to where I can bike to or take public transport.  I would like to date some one who lives here in San Francisco.

Who is not gay.

Who is not in an open relationship.

Who is under 55.

But over 35.

Who is straight.

Who is single.

I may be asking for more than what the city can afford me.  I am dreaming the impossible dream.

I am also dreaming of the fire fighters bike.  I expect that we will be getting the frame back from the painter and frankly, I want to be the person who calls him and tells him his bicycle is ready for pick up.

And so am I.

Well, perhaps I won’t put it that baldly.

However, I do like Joan’s suggestion–see if he wants to go for a bike ride.  Seriously I never would have thought of that!  Super clever, that.

Ah, who knows, maybe I will meet the love of my life on OKCupid.


Excuse me, I just snorted hot tea out my nose.

I do believe that I am having fun with it right now, so I’ll keep it around for a little bit yet.  Maybe I’ll go on a date or two.  Maybe I will see something new.  Maybe I will go to a museum or on a walk or to a cafe that I did not know about.

The fun thing about dating is exploring things with people.

And exploring things for myself.

I talked with Stephanie a lot today about what it means to cultivate a relationship with oneself and how that looks.  I gave her examples of things I have done–movies, going whale watching, going to the MOMA, going to a toy store and buying stickers, walking around neighborhoods in the city that I like.

I then thought about what do I like to do for me?  I love book stores, I went to Alley Cat yesterday and poked around.  I almost bought another Paul Auster novel, but I did not pull the trigger.  I also contemplated going to the library and checking it out.  I live just blocks away from one now.

I have taken myself to the Conservatory of Flowers, on ferry rides, art supply stores, I have gone to China Town and bought myself a kite to fly in the park.  I have ridden the cable cars and gone to Grace Cathedral and walked the labyrinth.  I have gone on merry go rounds, they are fun!  I have walked barefoot in the grass and brought a picnic lunch for me to nibble and a good book to read while sitting in the sun.

Then I realized I had not taken myself out on a real date in a while.  I have been wanting to go down to the beach and do the horseback riding.

I am going to do that next weekend.  Sunday, I think.  Stephi was supposed to be here next weekend, but her job is prohibiting her from making it.  Boo.  So, I will have to take myself out.

That’s the whole point of doing OkCupid for me too.  What do I like?  What turns me on, not sexually, I know in about two seconds what does, but mentally, emotionally, where do I like to go?  What do I like to do?  How do I cultivate myself and court myself?

OH, here’s a good one, I want to go on a hot air balloon ride.

I know, sappy city, but hey, I have never been on one.


Small secret, I used to imagine that I was a hot air balloon pilot for a career.  How much freaking fun would that be?  I think it’s more of a hobby than a career and I believe it is a pricey hobby at that, but one ride, what can that hurt?

I shall look into it.

If you want to be treated in a certain way, act like it.  Be transparent.

I have already been engaged with some one in discussion about the impossibility of long-term relationships.  That’s nice.

I know I won’t be dating you.


Now, excuse me, I need to take myself out for a horse back ride on the beach.


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