Posts Tagged ‘making plans’

Staying In The Moment

March 18, 2017

Is hard to do.

Seriously.

If I’m not careful I’ve skipped over the whole weekend and I’m back at Monday and in the work grind again.

I can do that, magically get so caught up in the things that I need to get done that I forget to do the things for myself that I need to do, slow down, breathe, appreciate my efforts for the things I have done.

Acknowledge that shit, yo.

I worked a full week of work after having done a full weekend of school which was just following a full week of work.

So yes.

Tomorrow is my first day off in two weeks.

Hallelujah.

I am stoked.

I am going to do some nice things for me as I have done a lot of work for school over the past week, from showing up to my internship and signing papers, to e-mailing and contacting supervisors, to making appointments to interview with a possible supervisor–next Wednesday, to reading four chapters of Trauma class readings, and contacting possible therapists as I will need to be in therapy as I am working with the clients that I will be helping.

I have signed up for two yoga classes this weekend.

I have plans to see my people, two back to back sit downs to read and do the deal on Saturday.

And yes, I think I will, a nice little mani/pedi at the local nail salon as well as some eyebrow help, they’re starting to get a little out of control, as they do.

I may take myself out for a nice lunch.

I am thinking I will go out to dinner tomorrow night and do some fellowship.

Dinner somewhere in the NOPA neighborhood.

Sunday a day with a friend in San Leandro.

Sunday night a quick visit with a friend in the neighborhood.

And bam.

See.

I told you.

It’s Monday.

And somewhere in there I need to do food prep and cooking and I have entertained the possibility of writing my Trauma reflection paper.

Just to have it the fuck out the way.

Especially since I am going to be working an extra weekend this month.

I was also asked to work next Friday by a family I used to work for and I had to say no.

I am going to help out my current family the last weekend of the month, basically work a Saturday and a Sunday while the dad is away on work, the days won’t be super long, granted, but not having any days off will be challenging and I’m pretty aware of that.

I have turned down two gigs recently.

The one to work next week and a wedding in Napa.

Part of me considered very seriously both propositions.

The extra money would be nice, but.

I really want to see the boys I used to work for, but.

I just can’t do it.

I feel like I need all the reserves I can get to just get through my work and my school work and the additional stress of figuring out all the practicum stuff has been wearing on me, I am hoping, so hoping, that the Wednesday interview, before I go to work (which I might as well get used to, I’m going to be working with a supervisor once a week for two hours before I head into work for a year) and interview with him.

Please say yes mister supervisor.

I don’t have much energy to keep looking.

I am also looking for a therapist.

The first one who was referred to me couldn’t fit me into her schedule.

But she was super helpful and offered to refer me out and I said yes please, of course, I haven’t heard anything else back, but I tried.

I just emailed another therapist tonight too to keep that ball rolling.

I will have to be doing it as part of my program and I have to be doing it while I see clients.

This is good and I am rather looking forward to it.

And frankly.

After two years of studying and training and practicing how to be a therapist I’m ready for a little of that love to be turned back around on me.

In some ways, it has, especially in the actions that I took today and over the last week, in regards to what I can do, how I can take care of myself and what I need to do to take care of myself.

Like.

Not working on my days off.

Ok, yes, I am working that weekend for my current family, but we negotiated easy hours for me, a big break, payment in cash, and I’ll get my meals covered and probably have a fun field trip type day out with the charges.

It will be a fun adventure.

And yes I will be tired, and yes, I will need to be gentle with myself.

Which is also why I said no, to the other two queries, and the best thing about it?

God damn.

It felt like such a win.

I didn’t justify or explain my response.

I said simply in both cases, thank you so much for thinking of me, which is true, but no thank you.

It is nice to be thought of, it is nice to be the type of person that others want you to work for them, that they want you so much that even though they think I probably can’t (both parties said it, it was sweet), they want me bad enough that they’re going to ask either way, just in case.

I was flattered.

And though I felt momentarily guilty about taking care of myself over taking care of others.

I got the fuck over it.

Self-care people.

It really is a thing.

So.

Here’s to me doing some sweet, kind, generous, loving things for myself this weekend.

So that I may be sweet, kind, generous, loving, and caring to those around me.

Now excuse me.

I have to put on my oxygen mask before assisting others to the exit slide.

Heh.

 

 

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Plans, What Plans?

November 1, 2016

All plans shot to hell.

Not that I had a whole slew of them.

But.

I had hopes.

And no.

Not hopes for Halloween hook ups, candy, trick or treating, dressing up, or going out.

Although I was asked if I was “Frida Kahlo or just my fabulously styled self,” tonight.

That was quite a compliment.

I wore my Hell Bunny Day of the Dead dress today.

Oh.

I suppose I should have saved it for tomorrow, since tomorrow is Day of the Dead, but I didn’t plan on celebrating it and in fact I know that I will want to get out of the Mission as quick as possible to avoid the festivities once work is over.

No, none of my hopes for today had anything to do with the holiday except the fervent wish that it would not rain.

It rained.

I got wet on my scooter ride home and I took it real gentle and real easy.

It was messy out there.

My hopes were small.

Get some reading done for school, do some writing.

Except.

Well.

Damn it.

One of my charges was sick and another of my charges was home from school.

Grr.

No break time for studying.

I mean, I know better by this point, it so infrequently happens that I have time to do homework at work, and this is only Mondays and Wednesdays, the other days of the week there is no fucking way I can take time to sit down and flip through my school reading, then to believe I am actually going to accomplish anything.

But.

I always fare forth with high hopes.

Usually to have those hopes quietly dashed.

Oh well.

I did get to snuggle with the littlest one quite a bit since she was sick.

Which also led to her taking her nap on me.

I did manage to get her down in her crib for the first half hour of her nap, but lying down seemed to exacerbate her cough and she coughed herself wide awake, and very upset as she was so tired.

So.

I held her for the next hour and a half.

There are worse things to do for a living.

Heh.

And the nap seemed to help, she did end up rallying for the Halloween festivities and got all gussied up in her little Mexican embroidered dress and serape, her mom penciled in her eyebrow, put white sandals on her feet, and a flower headband in her hair, and!

A stuffed monkey.

She was the perfect miniature Friday Kahlo.

It just blew sugar fairy bunny unicorn sprinkles into my heart.

I’m glad I didn’t go as Kahlo, I wouldn’t have been able to hold a candle to her cuteness.

Her oldest brother was Harry Potter and her youngest Emmett from the Lego movie.

The youngest brother has asked me every time I have seen him since Halloween was brought up for costume ideas if I have seen the Lego movie.

I have not kiddo.

But god damn you were a cute Emmett.

I did take a lot of joy watching them get dressed up and seeing all the kids out in the neighborhoods going to school in the morning in their costumes and this evening when I left the trick or treating was definitely going on.

The grandmother of the brood came over to go along with the trick or treating and asked me what I was going to do after I left work.

“Homework,” I replied.

And I did just that.

I got out an hour early, and it was still a full eight-hour day, and hopped on my scooter.

I was thinking about heading straight home and doing the deal at the 8:30 p.m. spot around the corner from my house, but I kept having this whispering voice in my head that said, go, be of the world, be seen.

So.

I made my way to the Inner Sunset, got some carnitas at La Fonda Mexican Grill, and then hopped over to Tart to Tart and had a cafe au lait that I may regret later, but I think from how sleepy I felt afterward that it had the opposite effect.

I cozied up in a corner.

I did some writing.

I did some reading.

Not enough, it feels like it’s never enough.

But.

It’s a little more than yesterday, and all the little mores add up, all the minutes that I spend with the material are not wasted.

I am slowly walking toward my goal.

Which does seem at times to recede so far off into the distance that I can’t imagine ever getting there, but I know I will, and I know I’m worth the work.

So.

I got some done.

Happy to report that I also got to go see some folks and do the deal and that was good to.

Then the rain.

Which I wasn’t ecstatic about, but whatever, it looks like the next two weeks are clear weather wise.

Monday.

Not a bad day, a bit rainy, a bit long, but overall, no complaints.

Not that I ever really am justified in having complaints.

My brain just likes to create drama where there is none or no need for it.

Grateful for all the fun Halloween costumes and the cute shenanigans I have seen from my friends with kids in their families, it’s pretty freaking sweet.

I may not really dress up anymore or have a desire to go out and do Halloween.

But I do love the kids in the costumes.

The jack-o-lanterns on the steps glowing with candles.

The smell of fall.

Heh.

The panic of it too.

I had a moment on my way to work when I was all like, oh Halloween, how awesome are you, wait!!!

Is it Day Light Savings today?

I flipped.

Did I miss it yesterday?

Am I going into work an hour earlier than I need to?

Oh fuck.

It wasn’t.

But usually it is Halloween weekend, at least so I recall.

I was comforted by the fact that all my devices would have rolled back without me doing it, so it couldn’t have been, but I still checked in with a friend.

Made me laugh.

Happy Halloween friends!

I hope the Great Pumpkin brought you your every wish.

And.

Loads of candy.

Please.

Do.

Eat some for me!

 

 


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