NOT GUILTY

Ahem.

Just practising.

Let me try that again.

“I am not guilty.”

Ok.

That’s not true.

I just don’t want to pay the $197 for the ticket.

Can’t I just say that I’m sort of guilty.

I stopped, I had my foot down, I looked both ways before crossing the street, mom, I mean officer, I mean, what the fuck do I mean?

Ugh.

So, off to the notorious traffic court tomorrow to see which way the winds be blowing.

Hopefully the court will call my name first, doubtful, but hey a gal can hope, then I can go get a manicure.

I thought about that today and for just a moment was going to run over to Cole Valley, pick up my nanny clogs, and get a clean manicure.

I have a great manicure right now, pink sparkles, and there’s nothing wrong with my Converse and I have to nanny before I go to court, so what ever I wear is going to have to be nanny proof anyhow.

I am not going to dress up for court.

I will be respectful and on time and I will pay whatever fine the judge hands down.

I will not argue.

I will state exactly what happened, and keep all short cop small dick jokes to myself, I will be polite, calm, and rational.

That will be my outfit, a person of principle.

And I will be nice.

I think that about covers it.

I will also not be rushing around like a mad woman in the morning trying to get up early and scoot into the DMV.

Nope.

I made an online appointment today for the first available day that make sense–Tuesday, March 25th at 10:35 a.m.  I just sent off an e-mail to my employers and asked that I be given the morning off.  I would rejoin the boys at noon.

I can’t imagine that with an appointment it will take me longer than an hour and a half to do the whole she-bang.

Now all I have to do tomorrow is show up for work, a little early to help out with my early departure, and show up at 850 Bryant for my 3 p.m. court date.

Showing up is almost always the true battle.

It will be an experience I can then cross off my bucket list.

Just kidding.

Traffic court has never been, nor I believe ever will be, on my bucket list.

Hmmm.

When was the last time I thought about that?

Things that I want to do before I die.

Not that I am planning on knocking off anytime soon.

I wonder, too, if having certain things is equatable to having certain experiences.

For instance, I really want a Jeep Wrangler 4.0 Sport.

Don’t ask me why, but I have always wanted one, always, since I was a kid, might be the first car I ever wanted to own.  Something about it spoke to me and it still speaks to me.

I want to take said Jeep on a long road trip to Alaska and see the Northern lights.

I also want to take said Jeep to Joshua Tree, never been, ditto, the Grand Canyon, I would like to drive the entire Highway One from the top to the bottom, and camp on as many beaches as I can.

Other things to do or go–Hawaii.

I am Polynesian and I have never been, time for that to happen.

I would really like to see Venice, Barcelona, Cape Town, Amsterdam, Bruges, the Pyramids in Egypt.

I want to go to Coachella.

I want to learn how to hang glide.

Go skydiving.

I would like to go to the Caribbean.

See the Galapagos.

I would like to sail around the world.

I think that would be fantastic.

Charter a catamaran and go.

Love to see the Greek Islands.

I do, at some point, want to get my MFA in Creative Writing.

Do you think there will ever be one for blogging?

I could master that.

Hot air ballooning.

Bicycle through the Loire Valley.

See Niagara Falls.

Go to New York.

Actually, I think that last one is closer than I think it is.

Lots of this stuff is, I don’t doubt that I will do the vast majority of it, I don’t know how or why or when, but I can see doing a lot of it and I am sure that more will be revealed as far as what I like to do and what.

I still find that I am finding out what I like and want to do and that is exciting.

I have to keep on the learning groove.

Showing up for tomorrow is just another experience to add to the richness and depth of my life.

I found myself up in Pacific Heights last weekend, and will again this Saturday, and just the view alone blew me away.

I have seen it before, but it is always breath-taking–the Bay, the green capped hills of Marin, the Golden Gate spanning the water, the islands in the distance–Tiburon, Angel Island, Alcatraz–the deep sky cupping the world in light and fog, it is something else.

I have already done and seen so much, I have come so far, and then to call San Francisco my home, to see the Golden Gate Bridge and the Bay Bridge on so frequently that I can take them for granted.

Or the dome of the Palace of Fine Arts, the Presidio, or the Marina green, the very Bay itself or the ocean, I am surrounded by all this beauty and lushness and am probably living, daily, someone’s bucket list dreams.

I do know that the traffic court is not something that I really want to show up for, but I can consider it a gift that I can, that I get to do so, that I will walk in and take responsibility for my actions and leave a free woman to go explore some more of this lovely life I lead.

In this beautiful city.

My city.

San Francisco.

Getting Busy Working

So that I can do the working.

I did lots of home stuff today to prep for the week.

This was prompted by my monthly spending plan and tally of the previous months expenditures.

Of which I had a few unexpected expenses–$552 outlay for utilities–the deposit for the scooter and the cost of the motorcycle safety course, but still came out ok.

I was a little concerned and did not want to cut it too close, so I did transfer a few bucks yesterday from my savings account to my regular account, just in case something pops up in the next few days I am taken care of.

Nothing like acting like an adult to make one feel like an adult.

I also did laundry, changed out the sheets on the bed, went grocery shopping, within my budget, made soup for the week, home cooked all my meals today, signed up to take the motorcycle written test at the DMV on Thursday and responded to some e-mails.

By 2p.m. today.

I felt like I had put in a full days work.

This is sometimes the case.

I have to get my ducks in a row so that I can have a productive week and work well, which is supposed to lead to me enjoying my down time, but folding laundry has to be a part of that scenario.

I actually enjoy all these things, especially the soup making.

The rainy weather has made having a cozy bowl of soup a lovely thing.

Today I did red lentils with carmelized onions and garlic, carrot, organic chicken breast meat, brown rice, white corn, and crushed tomatoes, salt and pepper, splash of olive oil and some cayenne.

It was awesome.

And now I have meals prepped for the next two days at work.

Where?

In the Castro.

Which I keep reminding myself of, that I will be working from the Castro tomorrow and not Cole Valley.  I will be going in 15 minutes past my normal start time, but as the commute is longer, there really is not a difference in the timing.

I had thought that I might MUNI it in, there’s the possibility of rain tomorrow, but as of this moment, I am pretty set on riding my bicycle to work.

I could change my mind when I get up if it’s downpouring, but that’s later and not now.

Now, suffice to say, is pretty nice.

In doing my spending plan for the month I was able to make an additional allowance for the scooter–the payment I will be sending my friend as well as insurance–and see that I can absolutely afford it.

I am excited.

All will go well on Thursday, when I have scheduled to take the test and fingers crossed, all will go well on Friday, when I head off to court at 850 Bryant to contest the bicycle ticket for running a red light.

I want to procure my scooter insurance with a clean record.

I even allotted money toward paying the ticket, what ever the ticket may be.

I don’t know that I will get off not paying one just because I am showing up for court.  I am only showing up for court because the clerk was so incensed at the ticket and had me pick out a date to do it.

In hindsight, I almost wish I had paid off the fine and not thought about it, but it is $197 and that’s three dollars shy of the scooter payment my friend has asked me to make monthly on the Vespa.

I would much rather the money go to the Vespa then to the city of San Francisco.

I will be a much happier San Franciscan if that happens.

And everyone wants that.

Well, ok, I want that, really.

I could realistically be up and ready to take possession of the Vespa this weekend.

I am going to need to co-ordinate with my friend and see what works best for him.

As the rest of the month looks to be currently booked with work M-F.

This is good.

I like knowing that I am covered.

I do wish that I wasn’t in three different places every week, but a body can get used to it and it’s not the rest of my life.

This too shall pass.

Everything changes.

I can do my best to plan out and take care of myself and make soup with the best of them, but sometimes things happen, bicycle tickets, getting a new scooter, and suddenly life is changing.

Next month my goal is to get my plane ticket to Wisconsin to see my dearest friend.  I had planned on buying it in February, but nope, other stuff happened.

All is well.

Sometimes when all is well I am prone to create a little drama, but nothing even occurred to me today.  I meditated and took things as they came up and I listened to my gut, which is nice, and responded to situations rather than reacted, which was awesome.

And good practice, let me tell you.

I also got to have tea with a darling friend and check in about this and that and Burning Man.

Yeah, I know, it’s not for a few months, the man burns in 183 days!

Who’s counting?

Not I.

But this is her first time and it’s always so fun to talk to virgin burners about their plans and stuff and I get all excited for them and all excited for me.

Nostalgic, and plus, the tickets just went on sale and another friend of mine who has been talking about doing it for years finally pulled the trigger and bought his too.

I feel like it’s going to be a good year for it.

Something different in the air around it for me as well, just a pricking of the thumbs, but a something.

Could just be all the fresh faces who will be attending.

That’s all a worry for another day.

There is no worry today.

Got the work done that needs doing and I am ready to take on the week.

Gently.

But yes, I am ready.

 

Spoiled Silly

I got to see not one, but two of my favorite people today.

I ran into my darling friend as she had just sent me a text, whistling to me from my phone in my messenger bag, in The Beanery this evening.

Completely unexpected and wonderful.

We sat down over tea and had a good catch up.

Then a little while later I got to hang out with another dear friend at Tart to Tart and have some more tea and talk life and money and cops and tickets and not just getting by, but getting ahead.

I also only had one charge today and I got to take him to the carousel in Golden Gate Park and spend extra time snuggling with him and, oh, dreams do come true, he had a two-hour nap.

He never has two-hour naps.

But he has a little bit of a cold and was down and out this morning far sooner than I was expecting.

I got a two-hour block of time that I was totally not expecting.

Shoot.

I actually read through an entire magazine and cleaned the kitchen and prepped lunch and took care of it all before I delved into my own book I had brought with me.

I go back to having two tomorrow and that’s fine, but today was a treat to start the week with just one.

I got to walk around the neighborhood and run into friends also out and about.

I got to ride my bike to and from work and not get a ticket.

I got to see dear people I love so much.

I got to live and be alive in my space, my body, my life.

Pretty fucking tight.

I have some things cooking and was able to bounce off my two friends what their thoughts were and it felt really affirming to hear what they had to say and again, I just have to say I am over the moon again and again when I think about the quality of people I have in my life.

I get to cultivate these amazing friendships and it is a blessing.

I looked over my calendar for the week and was also grateful–full-time work this week–and getting to do some other service work as well.

A dance date Saturday afternoon with a darling friend that I don’t get to spend as much time with as I would like and there it is, this glorious work week book ended with my dear, darling, wonderful friends.

Just the solace I can take in some good company and a cup of tea is really amazing.

“You are like me, it’s not the accumulation of stuff,” he said to me over a steaming glass of lemon ginger tea, “it’s getting to have experiences.”

Yes.

Exactly.

Though granted, I wouldn’t mind accumulating a few other things.

I have not said it much, but the recent bicycle ticket and the constant running the gauntlet of doom on Irving and Lincoln Streets has really had me contemplate getting a scooter.

Or even a car.

Car is probably out of my reach right at the moment, but I don’t think it’s actually that far out there.

For the first time in a long while I am really getting serious about having some other mode of transportation besides my bicycle.

I don’t believe I can go back to riding MUNI, but I do want off my bicycle once in a while and I do think that a scooter could be a really nice stepping stone to that.

I recently talked to an old acquaintance about the motorcycle class that the police offer and I think that is something to really investigate.

It’s about $250 for the three-day course.

It’s also worth investigating whether or not a friend of mine who has a car and two scooters would be interested in parting with one of them.

He once offered to sell his older one to me, a black Vespa, but at the time I was in a transition which led to me eventually making the leap to Paris.

Maybe it’s time to call him up and ask if that scooter is still available or for sale.

Getting ahead of myself a little bit.

But not too much.

I am not obsessing about it either, it’s just hanging out on the back burner slowly gathering steam.

I want to have some more experiences too and I think being a touch more mobile will help with that.

There is too, the desire to not be schlepping groceries from all over on my bicycle.

I brought home $45 in groceries and if that won’t slow me down on my bike I don’t know what will.

Aside from the car that nearly collided with me on Irving at 34th on my way home from 7th and Irving tonight.

He totally ran the stop sign.

I mean did not even slow down.

I heard the car coming as I was entering the intersection.

“Stop sign,” I hollered at the top of my lungs, “there’s a stop sign there, stop!”

He squealed to a halt half way through the intersection.

“Thanks,” I said and skirted my bicycle, which I had come to a near complete stop, “thanks for not killing me,” and I rode off, heart in my throat and took a deep breath.

And home.

I mean.

I have been really lucky with my biking in the city, in Oakland, in Paris, yes, I have been hit, but mostly doored–three times, only once knocked off my bike–but without extensive injury.

I have had accidents, cracked my helmet falling off my bike when I overloaded a messenger bag with, yup, you guessed it, groceries, damn thing slid off my shoulder and pulled me over.

There was not traffic other wise I might have gotten run over.

I have had close calls.

But they seem to be happening with more frequency.

I am spoiled.

And I like my life.

But maybe the time is coming for some change.

Maybe the bike needs to be just for riding along the ocean and for quick jaunts to the Noriega Produce Market.

Too soon to tell.

But I do sense a change a coming.

I do believe.

I do.

A change that perhaps includes a motorcycle helmet.

I Got The Job

Honestly, I figured I would, but it was a matter of am I going to take something that is lower paying than what I want.

Then I thought, I really like this little girl, her folks did their graduate work at UW Madison, know where the Essen Haus is and went to the Angelic, why, they’re almost family.

Plus, I can always accept other work.

It seems silly to turn down a position with nothing behind it.

I have full-time work this week and I have an overnight in the upcoming weeks that will help pay the bills.  The new gig is just going to start off as one day a week, on Thursdays, it will help with the overhead, which is being taken care of.

Bills they be getting paid.

Paid my rent on the 28th for October.

I like to roll like that.

I know what I want from the nannying, I put it out to the Universe, and I was pretty damn clear.

The only thing I forgot–paid holidays.

That is a nice thing.

When I had PTO (paid time off) with a couple sets of employers I also got the standard, American, holidays off and paid–Christmas, New Years Day, Thanksgiving, Memorial Day (not usually Labor Day–as I am usually out in the desert Labor Day weekend), and Fourth of July.

So, yeah, let me add that to what I want.

I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up, but if I am going to nanny until then, then yeah, I do know what I want.

(I want to get my book published, have it get optioned for screen play work, then have all the fucking time I want to work on the follow-up pieces as well as enough money to own my home in, wait for it, I am dreaming big, San Francisco).

Yeah, you and I both know what I want to be when I grow up.

A writer.

Wait!

I am.

Ok, more specifically, I want to be a highly paid, sought after, credited, writer.

Published.

I want to see my words in book form.

I want to see my ideas translated to film.

I would love that.

I think in a cinematic way, anyhow.

I like to think that I write that way, when it’s good, that the words are no longer words, but a movie in your head.

Because when I am writing, not the blog, the blog is like opening my head and shaking out the contents into a sieve, some of it worth reporting, the Mister is working ALL week again, some of it not, who should I date instead? What time do I need to set my alarm for tomorrow, who am I seeing, do I want to pick up carrots at the store?

Et cetera.

But when I write, I am watching a movie in my head and transcribing it.

That’s the best way to describe it.

And speaking of which, I just had a thought.

Maybe I want no more than 40 hours a week and maybe I want to work slightly less, or, better, I want to work four days a week instead of five.

I want that fifth day for my writing projects.

I have an idea for a short story that has been pinging around my brain since Burning Man and I have not taken the time to write it down.

Need to get on that.

Also need to pester my friend who has my book.

I want my hands on his edits and comments and thoughts.

Give them up.

I want to work the last of the kinks out of the book and get it fucking published.

That is my end goal.

Get this god damn book out there.

It can and will happen.

And I can and will happily work the work that is in front of me.

I love my charges.

My boys.

So sweet today.

I love that I get the big flirty eyes from the 8 month old and the 16 month old’s sense of humor is so coming out, along with scads of words and he loves me to read him stories.

Not all kids have the patience to sit in your lap and have stories read to you.

He surprised the hell out of me today, in a good way, when he said the title to one of the Sandra Boyton books we read together.

It sounded like this: “moooballalalalalalalala” giggles.

Oh my God.

The book is called “Moo, Ba, La, La, La” (A cow says “moo”, a sheep says “ba” three pigs in a row say “La La La” NO!  You say, pigs they say oink….”)

First, he’s a boy.

Boys don’t always have a verbal aptitude that well advanced at his age, second, he’s 16 months!  Ok, maybe 16 1/2 months, but that still quite shy from 2 years, and he’s still using the signs I have taught him.

My favorite, aside from please, everybody loves a good please, is apple.

He does it really well and says apple while doing the sign.

Pretty cool.

So, yeah, I can hang with being down with the nanny thing.

I know what I want for pay and I am willing to allow abundance into my life, I want to make more money, I want, well, I want a scooter.

And yoga class.

My friend has a scooter that he once was going to sell me, he has two and a car (he also has a garage at his place so he can) an old Vespa, I know he still rides it but not that much and I remember what he offered it to me for back before I was moving to Paris.

My thoughts are keep working at the savings, pay back Barnaby the plane ticket, then start saving for a Motorcycle Class and a scooter.

I would like to get that for my birthday.

A motorcycle license and a scooter.

That might be pushing it, my birthday’s in December, but hey, you know, according to some really amazing women I know, if you know what you want and you put it out there, you will get it.

I am putting it out there.