Just another blog.
And I also tried what I preached last night and started a poem today.
I did not quite get as far as I wanted.
I did not finish the sonnet.
But I wasn’t even going to write one this morning, then I thought, why wait until I have to?
Just get going.
I will have to open up that syllabus soon, in fact, all of my syllabi need to be looked at.
It’s three days after my first weekend of classes and it’s time to get started back in on the reading and the paper writing.
Because, yes, I do have papers to write.
That’s a big part of my program and I just need to, er, let me rephrase that, I get to, do the work.
It’s pretty amazing when I think about it.
I am in graduate school, I work close to full time, I am in involved with my community, I am living a full, well rounded, meaningful life.
Today there was nothing wrong.
So much nothing wrong that I thought at one point, something’s up.
But that’s just silly.
What’s up is serenity and balance and feeling like I am in a comfortable groove with life in general.
I don’t have any drama, although my head can manufacture some I am sure, I am doing well at work, I worked extra this week and I will work extra next week, little extra cash for my upcoming hair geographic.
Looking forward to that, even though it is with some nervousness, it’s mostly excitement.
I ran into a litter mate of mine, totally unexpected, in fact, I just realized the last time I saw her I had just turned ten.
Really good to catch up.
Another friend on the East Coast also just hit eleven.
It’s really astounding and I am constantly, perpetually grateful.
I got a message from my friend who I used to live in Paris with wishing me a happy anniversary and another message from a student in my cohort thanking me for my experience and light and color and presence in the classes.
Both unexpected and lovely messages.
I am seen.
I am.
It’s nice to be seen.
I forget that sometimes.
I was crossing the street today on my way to grab my bike from the shop on a brief break at work and someone going through the intersection hollered out my name.
I have no idea who it was, but it felt nice to be called out to.
I love that I am a part of the cityscape.
It’s lovely to be involved in so many diverse communities.
School, work, recovery.
Burning Man.
A friend asked today what my intentions were.
I intend to go.
How?
Who knows.
But it is funny.
I just started writing down what I wanted in regards to the event a couple of days ago.
There are some things in my morning pages that I always write an affirmation for, that I have done so for years and will continue to do so as they are things that I wish to continually have in my life.
Then there are the things that I will write down and they happen, trips, travel, experiences, and so I write something else down in their place and Burning Man is back in the mix.
It replaced the I am going to New York in Spring manifestation.
I am still super stoked about that.
The Guggenheim, the Whitney, the MOMA.
Oh my.
New York in Spring.
I hope it’s warm.
I want to wear sundresses and crinolines and have my hair swept up on my head and walk through the park and walk around Brooklyn and of course, walk through all those lovely museums.
I have a place to stay, I have the plane tickets, I have the time cleared at work.
I can officially take it off my list.
It is not the exact trip I was thinking I would be going on, but that’s ok, I’m going.
The Burning Man event popped up pretty fast in my writing I feel because this year is an anniversary too for me, it will make ten years of going, ten consecutive years.
I can’t not go.
The event this year is August 28th-September 5th.
The dates for my second week long retreat for the second year graduate school program are not up yet, it will happen in August, but I believe it will be similar to the dates this past year and it will occur before the burn.
I should be clear to go.
Granted.
I won’t have it paid time off if I take it, I will have used up my vacation days at work with the second year school retreat and my trip to New York.
No matter.
It somehow worked out last year.
It will work out again this year.
I am willing to work it to get in and I will put out feelers to that end.
But.
It first starts with the affirmation.
The writing.
It starts by putting it out into the Universe what I want.
And what’s always funny, sometimes it is in hindsight, but I can see, quite clearly, how I get what I write for.
Not often how I picture it or without having to do some work.
But it almost always happens.
Put the intention out there and let the Universe come to me.
I realize that I don’t have to struggle to get what I want.
I just really need to show up and be honest about what I want.
To love and be loved.
To be a poet.
To be a therapist.
To see a lot of art.
To stay sober and abstinent.
To be serene, emotionally sober, you could say.
Travel.
Burning Man.
More art.
Let’s put kissing in there soon, but no rush, you know.
I don’t have to get what I want.
God usually gives me better.
I just have to let God know that I want to be happy and I will show up to the necessary work to get there.
Letting go.
Surrendering the results and seeing what shows up.
Burning Man.
It’s early.
But, there you go, you’re on my mind.
Let’s see what we can put together.
Meanwhile.
Back to the books.
And forward into the next phase of my development.
Open to being flexible.
Open to not knowing how it will happen.
Showing up anyway.
And always.
With love.
Auntiebubba 