Posts Tagged ‘partying’

Jam It All In

September 29, 2015

And sandwich it with Freud.

Peanut butter and Freud with bananas.

I got up.

I got going.

Was it really already 9:30a.m.?

There were moments last night when I was awoken and I was satiated with dreams and desire and then I would roll back over and conk out and the dream faded sweet to the other side of the bed and then, the sound of the ocean, the wind through the window and the cool air, thick with the smell of salt fog and ocean.

The hum of the fog horn last night rocked me to sleep.

The sight of Sutro Tower blocked in by fog this morning.

The grey day, but bright awakening.

My body ready to go before my brain.

And then I got it together.

A little routine.

A little prayer.

A little breakfast.

A lot of coffee.

Some Freud.

I am all caught up.

At least in my Psychodynamics course.

I still have two other classes to get my reading on par with what is due and expected by this, my second, full weekend of school.

I will get it done.

Or I won’t.

At least I am better prepared then I was for the last weekend.

I have been doing the work whenever and where ever I can.

Granted.

Yes.

I took some time off last night to howl at the moon.

Really, to just look at it in awe and wonder at the joyful, full, busy, active, god damn good life I have.

I am unrecognizable sometimes to myself.

“I remember, I remember you, you are a part of my story,” he said to me tonight with a big hug, a huge hug, anniversary hugs are always special and I was grateful beyond words to see my friend slip in the door as the lights went down.

I was a hot mess a decade ago.

A decade.

Jesus.

I have spent a decade of my life doing the deal.

Which is fantastic because it has afforded me everything.

Freud and all.

I would not be in graduate school if I was still out their partying.

Fuck.

I was not partying either, not at the end.

It was not a party.

Not at all.

Maybe if it were still a party I would still be playing.

But the playing I get now is so much more satisfying.

“Carmen!” My five-year old charge hollered as I opened up the door to him after he got back with his mom and his younger brother from kindergarten.

He hugged me fiercely than bounced off my legs and ran through the house, “I have to pee!  I have to pee!  I have to pee!”

I’m not sure what Freud would say about that, I don’t think that’s a stage of development, but I was happy to gather all his gear and his brothers and be there and be present for the boys.

For the family in general.

Although no word if they are going to give me a raise.

I suspect if I haven’t heard I am not getting one.

I care, but I don’t care.

Really still just happy that I asked for it.

Despite a desire for making more money I know I am taken care of and I have enough.

I have rent paid for October and I only have a phone bill that I will have to take care of for the month outside of grocery costs.

My over head is really quite low.

I’m not spending money on pleasure reading anymore.

Gah.

Pleasure reading.

I used to do a lot of that.

I let lapse all my magazine subscriptions.

I haven’t read a magazine in three months.

Seriously.

I am sitting here writing my blog and there is a stack of unopened and unread fashion magazines at hand.

Sorry Vogue, W, and Vanity Fair.

I don’t have the time.

I don’t have the time to finish the John Irving novel I started three months ago.

I don’t have time for anything but Freud with ham and cheese.

I actually just realized i might have some more Freud to read.

Fuck.

I have a book that I haven’t even cracked.

Um.

Ha.

Make that three.

One of which I have to do some reading for and I figure I am going to be hitting up my Theory of Group Psychotherapy tomorrow or Wednesday.

Depends on how much I get done for my Therapeutic Communications course as well–I have a paper due for that before Friday.

And.

Thursday I have a phone conversation to be had as soon as I get home from work with my Human Development partner who was unable to connect with me this past weekend due to unexpected schedule changes with her.

This all is starting to sound overwhelming.

Tonight though.

I refuse to be overwhelmed.

I know.

Intrinsic.

Down in my bones, yo’.

That I am doing the best I can.

I am doing pretty fucking alright.

I am moving and shaking and I am showing up and the days.

Damn Gina.

The days go by so fast.

Wasn’t I just in bed?

Wasn’t I just here eating oatmeal with sweet apples and rich persimmons dusted in cinnamon and nutmeg?

Is it 10:30 a.m. or is it 10 p.m.?

The days they pass.

I came back in tonight, “hello house!” I said cheerily and stripped down in the wink of an eye.

I got out of work a snitch early and hustled home on my bicycle, I had twenty minutes before I needed to be at the next place down the street at 44th and Judah.

I hopped into the shower, washed, shaved, jumped out, dried off, slathered lotion all over myself, threw on some clothes, grabbed my bag and even managed to have enough time to take out the garbage, compost, and recycling to the curb.

Jam it all in indeed.

I’m lucky, you know, to get to do all these things.

Ultimately.

This life, this one here, the one that I am living on such a great, big, grand, rich scale, is one that I should not by any rights have.

If life were fair.

I’d be dead.

Instead.

I get to read some more Freud.

No excuse me while I go bet my Oedipus complex on.

Psychosexual dysfunctions, you’re next.

At least my night reading is interesting.

Heh.

So, I Pussied Out

May 18, 2014

Sometimes its going to happen.

Ack.

I saw the guy, the guy who I said, hey, let’s hang out, when you get back from being in Europe, tonight, and nope, didn’t pull the trigger.

Then again.

Neither did he.

So, maybe I don’t have to beat myself up.

Besides, there’s always tomorrow.

Not that I plan on doing it tomorrow either.

I don’t believe I will see him.

I suppose I could call.

I suppose I could.

Don’t want to, but I hear those things that we don’t want to do are good for us.

Like eating kale and running and stuff.

Speaking of running.

Bay to Breakers is tomorrow.

I sort of knew this and sort of was not paying it any attention.  I have seen the aftermath of a lot of Bay to Breakers and it’s generally a lot of wasted people wandering around the city after having run a race from the Embarcadero, in costume, to Ocean Beach.

What I wasn’t realizing was the Ocean Beach part.

Uh.

Hello.

I live out by Ocean Beach.

And worse yet, probably the only time I would not care to be this close to public transportation, I live a block from the N-Judah stop at 46th Avenue.

The mode of transportation that I am assuming the vast hordes will be riding home from the running.

I suppose I could get into it and sit out front of the house and watch the drunken revellers stumble past, but really, I have better things to do on a Sunday.

I mean I managed to survive the unexpected down time today quite well.

I slept in.

I showered.

I grocery shopped.

I made an awesome lunch–savory oatmeal with roasted white corn, sautéed chicken breast, onions, garlic, and kale–I got stuff to make home-made refried beans, and I made a big pot of brown rice.

I got a manicure and pedicure.

I had coffee with a dear heart.

I did my commitment in Noe Valley.

I also ordered a new phone.

Yes, I am getting a pink Iphone.

Fuck off.

I like pink.

I also am getting it really cheap, even upgraded to extra storage space.

I renewed my contract and in addition, I am selling back my current Iphone 4, and I got a huge discount.

HUGE.

I basically am paying $132 for a new Iphone 5.

Thank you and you and, yes, thank you.

I have been thinking about getting one since I had some problems with my Iphone after Burning Man last year.  But I got the charging system fixed at a Fix My Phone place in Cole Valley, and it’s gotten me through for another nine months.

Thing is, I dropped it last week and the back shattered.

My bad.

The case is keeping it all together and it still works, but it’s time, so I got online and did that.

Felt like a nice little accomplishment to have taken care of.

I caught up with my housemate, too, who I haven’t seen in some time, busy schedules, and we made a tentative coffee date to go to Trouble tomorrow and laugh at the Bay to Breakers.

I will probably have two cups of coffee at the house before venturing out, to yes, get another cup of coffee.

That way if the line at Trouble, which is typically out the door anyhow, is untenable, I will have already caffeinated.

I should bring my camera.

I bet there will be many hilarious folks to take photographs of.

That’s the thing too, if you are not from San Francisco and don’t know what this merry mayhem is that’s about to attack the city, the race is notorious, aside from drinking and getting high, for being run in costume.

It’s San Francisco.

It doesn’t matter what the event is.

It’s always better if done in costume.

Folsom Street Fair.

Leather.

Halloween.

Your sexy alter-ego witch/nurse/doctor/Fräulein/superhero.

The Too Weird Street Fair.

Your wackiest dayglo.

Decompression.

Your best Burning Man flair–Steampunk meets dance tights and glitter with a hula hoop.

Christmas.

Santa Con.

Easter.

Hunky Jesus in the park.

So, of course, a foot race through the city should be done in costume.

Or naked.

You know, whatever floats your boat.

From what I understand and have seen, but not witnessed, this is my first year being anywhere near as close to the event since I have lived in the city, it’s rather like a big drunken frat party.

I don’t get the impression, though, I could be wrong, that many native San Franciscans run the race.

They wait for the real deal and do the San Francisco Marathon in July.

Bay to Breakers is a Bridge and Tunnel crowd, and a new to San Francisco transplant from the Midwest, let’s go see what the city has to offer newly arrived college graduate who likes to party scene.

Again, in costume.

I like the costume bit.

But the party’ing at 7a.m or 8 a.m. or any a.m. is just not my thing anymore.

It never was.

Unless I was up from the night before and if I was, I wasn’t going to go out for a jog in the morning, I was going to go excuse myself to the bathroom for the nth time to privately do my own drugs so I wouldn’t have to share any with you.

The closest I have gotten to Bay to Breakers is being pissed off at the bartender at the fine dining restaurant I worked at when I first moved here, Hawthorne Lane, who went and was still so fucked up from the event at 5 in the evening that she couldn’t barely mix a drink for herself let alone for the bar orders the wait staff were putting through.

I guess I will get to see what the mayhem looks like from a new perspective tomorrow.

OR not.

I could just stay in the house and hang out in the back yard and read a book.

Or I could dress up like the woman who punked out on asking the guy on a date.

Oops.

Already dressed up like that tonight.

I will have to a costume change.

Guess I will be doing laundry tomorrow.

I need to wash my big girl pants.


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