Posts Tagged ‘pin up girl’

Holy Shit

October 29, 2016

Tomorrow is my first day off in two weeks.

And I was going to go to yoga in the morning.

But.

Um.

My blog had sex instead.

ER.

Hahahaha.

I mean I did.

Heh.

Just going to put that right out there on the front page.

With a lover who is a friend and well, hey, sometimes a girl needs a friend with benefits, it’s been a hell of a week.

I really will go to yoga again, I will, but I’m up late and don’t feel like not having a full nights sleep.

It seems nuts to actually get up earlier on the weekend to go to yoga then to just let myself sleep.

There was so much that happened this week and though I can’t speak to it all, an emotional toll was had.

Enough said.

Sometimes circumspection is the best thing.

Restraint of tongue and pen.

And blog.

I may actually go out tomorrow night.

What?!

There is a slight possibility that I may have a friend that can get me into Ghost Ship.

The last time I checked it was an $80 ticket.

And that was a few weeks ago, I’m sure that tier has sold out.

My friend was like, it’s late, but maybe.

I don’t really have plans otherwise.

I was invited to a party in Oakland.

But.

Um the bridge.

And BART.

And Halloween crazy in the city.

I’m not so sure about that.

I would rather stay on this side of the bridge.

Although if I had a ride over, I would go.

It’ll be a lot of folks I know and some faces I haven’t seen in a while since so many people I know got pushed out of the city to the East Bay.

That being said, I get a pass to Ghost Ship, I will be hitting that.

The Orb.

Dj Dan.

The Mutaytor.

Plus, I know some of the folks from Mutaytor.

It would be fun to see them at a show again.

The last time I saw them perform was Burning Man, years ago.

I actually danced on top of the stage scaffolding too, now that I recall.

Ha.

That was also the night I fought, and won, but that’s another blog, in Thunder Dome.

That must have been five years ago now.

They are a great group and I had a blast dancing.

And it’s been a hot second since I have gone dancing.

So yeah.

And despite not having a costume I’m sure I could whip one up pretty quick.

Two things fast come to mind, one I could be a pin-up girl, albeit one in Converse, although I love wearing my black suede peep toe Mary Jane’s that are 4 inches, I mean love those shoes, they are not the greatest for dancing.

I can actually wear them out for a long time, since they are a platform, but that’s just walking around or kicking it.

Actual dancing I’d rather do in my Converse.

I could go as a modern-day Frida Kahlo.

I was thinking that would actually be really easy to pull off.

I would wear my Big Mac painter bibs in navy stripe, which literally do have paint all over them, they’re vintage and the color is so close to International Orange, that I like to tell myself that they were bibs worn by one of the guys painting the bridge.

Then all I would have to do is braid up my hair, tie it up top my head and wear a bunch of flowers in my hair.

Pencil in my eyebrows and voila!

If I go, I think that would be what I do, especially since the bibs are super oversized and comfy as fuck and I could dance my ass off and there are big pockets and I could keep all my stuff on me–cash, id, lip gloss, phone, and not have to carry a bag or wallet or purse.

I could just lock every thing up in my scooter.

Pin up my braids, stick the flowers in my hair and done.

Yeah.

I am definitely down for Ghost Ship if my friend can get me a pass in.

Yup.

I just checked, the only tier of tickets left for tomorrow night is $85.

And since this lady just paid rent, I don’t think so.

That’s like groceries for a week.

But, yeah, if it’s free, I’m down.

Especially since the three acts I really would want to see are all playing the same stage–The Mutaytor first at 11:30, then The Orb, then Dj Dan.

Although by the time Dj Dan gets on I may call it quits, that’s a late ass night for me.

Anyway.

This is all complete speculation at this time.

I may just end up seeing my person, doing the deal at the place, and doing a bunch of reading for school.

I managed to get in some before work today and that made me happy.

Even a little is progress, even just a few minutes, nice digestible chunks of information.

No expectations about anything, anyone, or any plans.

I’m just going to let go and really let God plan out my weekend.

Whenever I make plans God laughs.

And laughs.

And laughs.

“Well you’re not as standoffish, I mean you still are, a little,” my lover said tonight, “I saw you, though, you didn’t bolt, you stayed and stuck around and talked to folks.”

“I’m trying,” I said.

“I know it’s not easy for you, this stuff is not your forte,” he added.

It used to be, but I um, had libations to lube the way.

I don’t have social lubricant like that any longer and though I can get down at a party or a group thing, my go to is lone wolf style.

But that makes for a lonely wolf.

“That’s the thing too, stop trying,” he added.

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” I said and laughed, and then added, “how do I do that?”

“Relax, stop looking, and just see what happens,” he ended.

He’s right, most everybody is.

Let go.

Surrender.

Stop trying.

Have fun.

“Oh, and really, do you want to be in a relationship right now?” He asked, raising an eyebrow, “do you have the time?  I mean, maybe just wait until you’re done with your program.”

Wait another year and a half?

Fuck that.

Then I thought.

Whatever.

I really can’t figure it out, since figure it out is me trying to fix me and there’s no need to fix me because I ain’t broken, I give up.

Surrender.

That is where it’s at.

Now and always.

Seriously.

No expections.

Equals.

No resentments.

And I’m always down for that kind of party.

Always.

 

 

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You Look So Pretty!

February 11, 2016

What’s the occasion?

“It’s Wednesday,” I said and smiled.

She looked agog at me, “oh my God, that’s fucking brilliant, I want to dress up like a princess too!”

Just doing my job.

Being happy.

“You look like a 50s pin up girl,” the greeter at Office Max said to me as I sauntered into the store.

I have no idea what over took me.

I spun on my toes and my skirt flared out.

I guess you could say I was feeling sassy.

I had a fast, brilliant, quick, and delicious ride into work today, but before I got there I had made a pit stop at Office Max to pick up a new USB cable for my printer–I will be printing off my first paper tomorrow before I head into work!

And.

I also got a two terra byte portable hard drive.

I am going to pull off my photographs and music library and give my Macbook Air some space.

I keep getting the message that my disc is almost full and I need to delete files.

Um.

No thanks.

I may not be the best photographer or writer, but I do have such a connection to those things, the pictures and the blogs, the poems and stories, the papers.

I did a bunch of clean up, but really, I have known for sometime that I need an external hard drive and I was there, so I got it.

I spent money like I wasn’t worried.

I am not.

Oh.

It’s been an interesting twenty four hours with it.

My landlord raised the rent.

Yesterday.

But not too much.

It did freak me out, but I can afford it.

Then.

I didn’t get as much back from my student loan disbursement as I thought I would.

I really don’t quite understand the breakdown, but instead of breaking my head on the numbers, I just accepted that they know better than I do what things cost and that I am grateful that I had some left over, $477, instead of owing anything out of pocket.

So money stuff came up, but I feel good about the fact that I have a prudent reserve set aside of a month in savings, I have money from the tax return, and I am getting paid for the week that the family is away on vacation without having to take any corresponding vacation days for myself.

I am saving them up for the school retreat in August.

I get to go to grad school.

I remind myself.

It’s the best debt I can have and the only debt I have.

Student loans how I do love to loath thee.

Anyway.

I was feeling happy.

I let myself put on my favorite polka dot dress and I wore a bright cardinal red cropped sweater with it, black leggings, and my crinoline.

I put red roses in my hair and red lipstick on my mouth.

I even did a tuxedo eye.

I looked fucking smashing.

“I love your dress!” The three year old said to me.

Both boys home sick again, but making it through, and I am holding steady, nothing seems to be taking me down.

I hope to stay healthy.

I have one more day of working with the sick monkeys and fingers crossed the oldest seemed better and will be back in class tomorrow.

I confirmed that I would come in on Monday and help the housekeeper and do some small tasks about the house.

Then I got on the making plans tip.

I am going to see a girl friend from my cohort on Friday after classes for dinner.

Confirmed.

I am getting to hang out with another of my school girl friends on Sunday, she’ll be joining me and my person for dinner at Firewood Cafe in the Castro and then coming to hear me share my experience, strength, and hope.

And fabulousness.

“You will get dressed up, and girl, make an entrance, people need to see that,” he told me last night.

I will be pleased to do so.

And it was pleasing to my heart to be pretty today.

“You look great!  Reminds me of those girls, you know, from the drive ins, you look like one of those girls,” the FedEx driver complimented me.

I smiled and said thank you.

It was a happy day.

I also had myself a little self-love splurge at Rainbow Co-op.

I don’t often shop there any longer since it’s a bit out of my way and I’m a member of a great organic co-op out here in the Outer Sunset–Other Avenues.

But.

I had some time after grabbing my computer accessories at Office Max and figured I would grab a couple of apples and some carrots for work.

Which ended up being an $88 trip.

Oh Rainbow.

I forget how sneaky you are with all those lovely lotions and soaps and candles and cards.

I was like.

What just happened?

But.

It was fun and I have a lovely little stock of small indulgences that make me happy.

It’s all about the happy today.

In fact, it was my spiritual principle.

Speaking of.

I have finally found, at least I am hoping, what I will be doing for the exercise that my person suggested to me.

Yes.

It does seem that yoga has won the fight.

Really, what it is, scheduling.

I needed to find something that was going to be close to either work or home and that would work with my work, school, recovery schedule.

Laughing Lotus!

I had forgotten a darling acquaintance of mine runs an amazing yoga studio in the Mission.

They have late classes!

8:30 p.m.

I can go after work three days a week.

Or twice a week and once on the weekends.

It’s working out.

I still feel like I’m balking a tiny bit, but I am going to head over there on Monday after I finish work and have a tea time date with a friend of mine in the Mission I haven’t seen in ages.

In fact.

I also made a dinner date with another friend who will be in town working, for next Friday.

I have three dinner dates and a tea date lined up for this up coming week!

Yoga class.

Maybe some swimming.

A massage.

Playing.

Having fun.

Being happy.

Lightening the fuck up.

It’s all happening.

It’s all coming up.

Happy.

Joyous.

Free.

 

Sunshine Day Dream

October 21, 2015

I woke up to daisies on my doorstep.

Not a bad way to rise and shine.

Happy.

That will be my principle today.

Not that I had any time,  not a single down moment or minute, to spare, to call my person and check in with her that my principle was such, but it was.

October is one of my favorite months in San Francisco.

It’s a gorgeous kind of Indian Summer that most out of towners are not aware of, the sun shines bright, there is a lick of cool in the wind if it’s windy, there’s not usually fog and there usually is sun and high, wide, blue, blue, robins egg blue, skies.

My kind of weather.

My outfit was inspired by the flowers.

I wore my bright yellow polka dot shirt and pig tails with a daisy, fake, but still, in my hair.

And gold on the eyelids.

I could have been a bumble bee if you had stuck some antennae on my head–I wore black tights as well–in fact, I had a moment when I thought, if I didn’t already have an idea for a costume for Halloween, I would go as a bumble bee.

It would be super easy.

Maybe for when I go trick or treating with the boys this year, they were in their police office costumes all day today and are definitely ready for the holiday.

Although, Halloween is on a Saturday this year, so I may not be trick or treating with the boys.

Still it’s nice to know I have a couple of costume ideas and options before the day sneaks up.

It always sneaks up.

And then it’s suddenly here and everyone is raiding Mission Community Thrift and Buffalo Exchange and all the stores in the Haight and no, really, I don’t want to spend money on an outfit, but I don’t also want to be left out.

I only have been invited to one Halloween event so far and I am not certain I want to head over to Berkeley on a Saturday night to play Halloween with the kids.

Maybe.

I also just checked and I do have another invite to the party at the Park Gym, that’s a possibility.

Although, I am not sure about heading into the Mission on a Saturday night Halloween.

The Mission on a Saturday night is enough of a horror show as it is.

I heard of another party in Glenn Park.

Who knows.

If I do go out

I will probably dress up like a pin-up girl.

I have all the stuff.

Polka dot dress with a flare out skirt and crinoline, high-heeled pumps, and I know how to draw on a pretty good cat eye.

What I would need, is someone to do my hair pin-up style.

I know a lady who does her’s in a victory roll and it’s hella cute, but I have never done one and I have neither a flat-iron or a curling iron and I can’t tell you when the last time was I owned hairspray.

Never?

But it would be fun.

I did have a couple of girl friends that wanted me to go to the Armory party, there’s great dance music going on there and there’s another good party at Public Works, but I am hesitating to commit to anything right now.

Committing the most now to getting as much reading done before school rolls around this weekend.

In fact, I set my alarm a little early for tomorrow so that I can get to the rest of it.

Halloween.

I may pass you by.

However.

I am interested in getting dressed up and going to the ARTumnal Burning Man event that rolls around in November.

I got word from the photographer/architect/artist that I am collaborating with for a project he wants to present there.

I would love to see my work out there in the public eye.

He was quite happy to receive them.

I was happy that he was happy.

I really quite adore them.

In fact.

I am thinking of submitting them to The Bastille–the publication in Paris that published one of my stories when I was living in Paris.

They reached out to me today and said they were looking for submissions.

It’s not paid, but it’s a chance to have my work in another publication and I would get a copy of the publication and an invitation, haha, to read from my work in Paris at Shakespeare and Company.

Not that they would pay to fly me over.

I was thrilled when they picked my story The Button Boy to publish and invited me to speak at the event and read the story at Shakespeare and Company.  But by the time the publication came out I was already living back in the states.

I do want to have a reading one day at Shakespeare and Company.

I mean.

Really.

What writer doesn’t?

So in lieu of going to Paris, not that I won’t hey, you want to go to Paris?

Let’s go!

I speak some French and know a few folks over there.

But realistically.

I think the ARTumnal is more likely for me to get into than Paris at this time.

I do want to go back to Paris, especially since one of my fellows in the program at CIIS is from Paris and it would be tres cool to hang out with her there–ma poulette across the Atlantic.

I will too.

I can tell.

I keep digressing on the Paris track.

Ah, the Bastille e-mail is doing it to me.

Anyway.

I would like to go to the ARTumnal.

The tickets are pretty steep.

But I am thinking that I want to be there.

I know I will see people I love and care about.

I know I will see some art and I might even see my own poems somewhere in the big mix of spectacle and carnival, music and mayhem.

If I don’t go out for Halloween, I definitely want to go and get dressed up for this.

Oh.

Shoot.

I just looked up my school syllabus.

I am in freaking class that weekend.

Damn it.

Ugh.

I don’t know that I can get out to it.

FROGS.

Oh well.

At least the poems are done.

And I am happy I wrote them.

They make me happy.

That’s what important anyhow.

Happiness.

Sunshine.

Daisies.

Love.

I got it all today.

Who needs more?


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