Posts Tagged ‘pozole’


December 20, 2016


Not quite.

But almost.


I ate some nice food today.

The boys I take care of, at least for the rest of this week, are on vacation from school.

The housecleaner was there today so the mom said take them out to lunch.


But first.

The park.

It was a glorious, albeit chilly day in the city.

We went to Dolores Park Cafe for coffee and animal crackers.


I had the coffee.

And they had the animal crackers.

Then to the park, far emptier than normal as the city seems to be fully in exodus mode as the holiday fast approaches.

It was nice, going to work this morning and not having the normal amount of traffic.

It was nice to be at the park with the boys and not have heaps of people sitting in the grass smoking up and drinking beer out of paper sacks, the park was truly under the rule of the local little ones and their minders.

I rather found that lovely.

I got some much needed sunshine on my face and it was sweet to sit in the top of the park and look over the city and feel so much gratitude for my life.

The boys were snuggly and lovely and sweet today, animal crackers always help that, but they are also very aware that I am leaving them soon and they seem to be stockpiling the snuggles.

“Carmen, put your hand back there and keep rubbing,” the four year old admonished me this morning as we sat at the kitchen table and they ate the oatmeal I had made for them.

“It feels good.”

Yes, my sweet friend.

I’ll give you all the back rubs and snuggles you can possibly take on this next week.

The boys mostly dug in the sand box and I mostly soaked up the sunshine and casually trolled the internet to see if there were any movie theaters open on Christmas night in case I decided I wanted to do a movie.

Christmas Eve I now have plans.

I will be meeting my person in the morning at Tart to Tart, doing yoga before hand as the studio is open in the morning on Christmas Eve, then after I do the deal I’m going to head over to Oakland to help out a friend who has to move over the weekend.

We’ll get as much done as possible, hang out, grab some dinner and go to a movie.

Christmas Eve in Oakland.

Not what I was planning, but I am quite sure it will be really nice.

I adore my friend and it will be nice to spend time with her.

Especially as she made such the effort to come see me on my birthday in the city.

Travel to the city is some serious shit, the parking is awful, the traffic is quadruple what it used to be and it’s all around a much harder place to negotiate.

That she made the effort means a great deal and I can make the effort to do the reverse.

Especially as I have no time frame in regards to the holiday anymore.

The rest of it will fall together as it may.

Or may not.

I’m not too worried about it.

All in all, it’s just another day, granted it can be very sweet and special, but I do find that the more I have expectations around it, the harder it can be to get through.

I thought I had eluded the Christmas blues with my plans to fly to Wisconsin this year.

Seeing as how Paris was so heartbreaking last year and the year prior my boyfriend at the time chose to spend it with his ex-wife (that relationship didn’t last much longer than a few more weeks, fyi, although I harbor no grudge or resentment, it was painful to go through that day alone walking on the beach, which is what may very well happen this year too, so I best get the fuck over it), I really can’t make plans for the holiday.

I just seem to get bit on the ass when I do.

So whatever happens I am entirely fine with.

Coffee will be had, that’s about all I know.

After that, no expectations shall lead to no resentments and that will make for a fine Christmas indeed.

And really, after all the love I got in the last day from friends and my employers and the boys, I don’t need to ask for more, I have already been given so much.

Just take lunch and dinner for heaven’s sake.

I ate some amazing food today.

The boys opted for Tacolicious for lunch, which if you haven’t gone is a pretty high end taco joint in the Mission.

The boys had the kid’s plate–fish taco with homemade refried beans and rice and lots of chips and big cups of milk.

I had the pozole, which was good, not the greatest I’ve ever had, but super warm and hearty and satisfying.

I also had the plantains with crema and refried beans.

THAT was hella good.

I was a very happy camper eating that.

After lunch the boys had quiet time and I had sort of a mental break down on the phone with my friend when I realized how tired I was and that I was struggling with the idea of the speaking engagement I was supposed to do tonight, in fact, would be at right now as I was supposed to speak at 8:30p.m.

But I had said yes without considering that I have a super early start tomorrow and I wasn’t feeling all that well, a constant head ache all day, that has just in the last hour finally simmered the fuck down.

I took 7 ibuprofen over the course of the day.

No fun.

I also was running a slight temperature, again, nothing huge, not really all that sick, but it just became clear I was going to need to marshall my reserves to get through the day and also to go to the dinner that my employers wanted to take me out to for my birthday.

The boys were so excited, it’s their favorite restaurant hands down.

They had so much food I don’t know how they crammed it all into their little boy bodies, but man, they did.

I had swordfish sashimi and yes!

They still had it, the persimmon salad with duck breast.

It was amazing.

Persimmons are basically out of season at this point so when I saw the salad, I knew.

It was divine.

And then.

I just got on my scooter and came home.

I don’t know that I am actually sick, but I suspect the emotional roller coaster of figuring out my travel or not travel to Wisconsin, combined with my birthday and having to finish that gigantic paper for school just kind of pushed me over the edge.

I’m going to go to bed early tonight and just call it a day.

I’m sure I’ll be fine in the morn.

I feel better already, just from being home.


It is such a nice place to be.


Even when I was expecting to be elsewhere.


As it turns out.

Is just where I want to be.


Third Date: Pozole and PDA

December 4, 2011

And a firm, oh get your mind out of the gutter, resolution to not have sex.

FIRM I tell you.



Sigh dramatically.

Stew pot set to simmer.

Jesus H. Christ on raft.

The man is sex on a stick.  And too charming for his own damn good.  Probably for mine as well, but this lady is sticking to her guns.  I have put on the chastity belt and it is staying there.  The lock is definitely getting tested, as he does not have a problem with PDA.

Oh no, none what so ever.


In a little over one week not only have I become the part of “that couple”, you know the annoying googly-eyed couple that is completely engrossed in their own little world.  The couple that is oblivious to the restaurant closing down its doors down around you.  But also the couple that you see in the cafe that you want to shout out, “get a room” at while they are in the midst of doing what ever despicable acts of public affection that are dangerously close to vomit on range.

You know the couple.

Yeah, well, that was us today.


Every time I think there are no other things that I am “never” going to do, there I go off and running, doing just that.

He started it though.  I swear.  I am not a shrinking violet, but I probably would not have made the advance in public quite like he did.  The man is smooth as butter, I can say that much.

It does not help that he has the longest eye lashes I have ever seen on a man, they look like feather dusters.  Ie, they look fake.  I could not believe them, I caught myself staring at them as we were waiting for our table today outside of Puerto Allegra for lunch.  They remind me of baby duck down.  I did not say this to him, how does one say that to a man, you have gorgeous downy baby duck feather lashes, please stop batting them at me as I may swoon?

No.  Doesn’t quite work.  Although when he caught me staring I did say I was astounded by how long they were.  Seriously, deliriously long.  I am not exaggerating.

When our “table” was called, it was to sit at two open stools at the bar.  He asked me if I minded, he knows that I don’t drink, and I said I didn’t have a problem, liquor being the last thing I was even thinking about.  We cozied up to the bar and promptly fell into talking about this and that.

I related being surprised to have gotten the lunch invite, I had been under the assumption that his weekend was too full to accommodate any time away from his schedule.  I was correct in this assumption, however, he made time.

This is flattering.  I was very flattered.  I like that he re-arranged his schedule so that he could spend a few hours with me and came over on the BART to do so.  I was also relieved to relate that I had a movie date with a girlfriend set up for this evening, thus implying two things–one I wasn’t going to wait around holding my breath for a possible date and two that I had things going on other than waiting around for a guy.

The implied, but still pervasive, thought for me was also that it was good that I had outside plans as the chemistry flames were still there, undoubtedly still there.

He asked after my holiday plans and I let him know I would probably be spending them with Beth watching Christmas movies since she’s on call at work.  He said he would probably be eating bacon with friends.  The man likes bacon.

Good deal.

A lot.  I think it goes something like this–bacon, bananas, dog, iphone, working out, girls.  Dog may be placed a head of bananas, but bacon wins all.  Although I did accuse him of not needing a girl friend since he was so enamored of his iphone.  He totally admitted it, no hesitation whatsoever.

Then he asked what I was doing for New Years.  I said I had no plans, it’s always struck me as sort of amateurs night, he was in complete agreement, but then I hesitated and he caught it and asked what?

Well, I do fall prey to the whole societal thing of wanting the kiss at midnight.  I have had it once.  Once in my 38 years, even with having been in a long-term, five-year relationship, ironically he was not the one kiss I got at midnight.  The five-year guy and I never did manage to make that happen, despite my many attempts.  I was too busy working for it to ever quite pan out.

As I am saying this and wandering off down memory lane trying to figure out how exactly I never did have that kiss with Justin, Mister West Oakland places his hand on my cheek turns my face toward him and plants the most dastardly kiss on me that I have ever had in the middle of the lunch rush at the restaurant.

I just about fell of my bar stool, and I’m sober!

What was that?

“Just in case you get mad at me before New Years, I wanted to make sure you got your kiss”.

Oh holy shit.

I also got the neck nuzzle again and the staring deep into my eyes.  I love the pozole at Puerto Allegra, its a salsa verde style with big hunks of chicken and ham and bacon and tons of hominy.  You get it with chopped lettuce and thinly slice radishes and slices of lime (warm tortillas too, but I don’t eat those).  I don’t think I tasted a bite.  I was certainly warmed up though.

Side Bar–I did not realize how nervous I was to see him again until I was sitting next to Beth about a half hour before I was to meet with him and she took my hand and said, “oh my god, you’re freezing!”  My hands were ice-cold, the rest of me was flushed, and yes, I was sweating.

Thanks body, that was fun.  I was absolutely adrenalized.  Total fight or flight.  Man I wanted to both scurry toward and run fast away.  It was an act of complete surrender to just sit still and let the feelings wash over me and go their own sexy way.

After lunch, what lunch, did I eat?  We went for coffee at Ritual before he had to get back on BART and head back to his responsibilities across the bay (dare I even say, it’s too much and makes me want to go whelp out a couple of puppies, for fuck’s sake, really, this big swaggering boyo is going to go do what?  Baby sit for friends so they can have a date night.  You have got to be kidding).

The Universe is wicked and wiley and crafy and the couch in the front window at Ritual was open.  As we were ordering he says, go put your purse on the couch, what couch, that one, the one that is suddenly empty despite the fact that we were standing in line for ten minutes waiting to place our order, despite the fact that the place was crawling with lower Noe Valley transplants slumming it down the hill for their Ritual fix (fyi Four Barrel is where all the hipsters have gone, and even that is being overtaken by the stroller set, next place to get your fixie gear and tight jeans pants on is Sight Glass, go now before the SOMA is over run with Baby Bjorns).

Oh yeah, so then, we were that couple, on the couch at the cafe snuggled deep into a corner completely entwined.  Discussing life, dogs, family, names of first born, and what would be the worst thing that could happen if I came over that afternoon with him to West Oakland and took a nap).


Really, what could possibly go wrong with that?

Are all men programmed this way?

I am holding the hell out.  If anything, although he thinks that I think too much, and he’s probably right, but I also trust my gut on this one, I feel like the only right thing to do at this time is to hold out.  It took me awhile to say what I meant and why it was important to me and I admitted openly that even just a little while ago I probably would have been making my way under the Bay with no hesitations at all, but that times have changed.  I have changed.  Because I have continued to do the same things for so long and always gotten the same results.

If I want different results I have to take different actions.  Which for me means establishing intimacy before having intimacy.

He got it.  And for a moment, there it was, his soul, I saw right in there.  I saw it.  I saw past the duckling lashes and past the smooth talk and past the biceps and the swagger and the jedi charm, and I saw him, just purely him and I think, I could be wrong, but, I know I am not, he saw me, Carmen, me.

We both kind of inhaled.  And I said, that, that’s what I want, that.

And you know it.

The barrier was sieged for just a moment and then it was gone.  The war has not been won there are many battles yet to wager and maneuverings to be had.  Yet, there will not be manipulation on my part.  I will just keep showing up and being honest about what I want.  Because that one little glimpse was worth it.

If that one little glimpse is all I get, then I am alright with that too.  I can still feel it in my chest.  That is what it is to connect with someone.  That is how I want to connect with all the people in my life, whether romantic, friend, or family.  That is what makes this world, that and absolutely nothing less will satisfy me now.

My resolution no sex until monogamy, I make myself accountable now.

No matter how fucking good the pozole is.

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