Posts Tagged ‘practicing the principles’

Nice, Like Nice With Cheese Butter On Top

January 24, 2014

“Say cheesebutter!”  I urge one of my charges when I take a photographs of him.

It’s a word he made up.

“Cheesebutter, it makes everything better,” I smile and take his picture.

I am going to 850 Bryant tomorrow after I get up and do my daily routine and make sure that I am all nice and calm and serene and in a good head space and spiritual and shit.

And I am going to be nice.



That was my decision tonight when I was talking to someone about the red light incident on Tuesday and how I did a lot of writing about it and began to not only have forgiveness for the cop but actual compassion, hey, how much fun can it be doing his job?

I mean, my job?

Loads of fun.

Today I went to two different parks, was told I love you by my charge, had my hand-held as we walked through the Pan Handle park, got hugs, had her request that I sing “Hush Little Baby” to her, had her fall asleep in my lap in her rocking chair, had an Americano at the Mill, walked all over NOPA, took fabulous photographs of street art by E. Claire Bandersnatch,








went to Bi Rite for an apple and a bag of Holler Mountain Stumptown, had an amazing lunch with my lady, who slept two hours and twenty-five minutes, and then we capped off the day with a play date at Alamo Square Park and ran into a friend from Music Together class.

My job does not suck.

That cop, he has a job I would not want to have.

So, compassion for a person doing a job I don’t want to do and am really grateful that I don’t have to do.

Plus, as I was sharing with a woman who told me that the same night that I had my ticket incident, she hit a pedestrian in a cross walk, did not see him coming and he flew up over her windshield.

Now that makes one grateful for a ticket.

I did not get hit on my bike ride, in fact, I realized, I was slowed down, I was slowed down tonight riding that same route back home, slow, stopping not “running” any reds, and what do you know, I got to see three cops pulling over another person with a traffic infraction and listen to sirens wailing for another accident down the road.

None of these had anything to do with me except that I slowly, and cautiously rode past them.

So, tomorrow, grateful that I have a day off during the week, I  don’t normally, when I can actually go and spend time standing in line for room 145 at 850 Bryant.

Show up.

Suit up.

Let go of the results.

I know I was at fault and I am just going to go pay the fine.

I don’t have to be right.

I can just be happy.

And nice.

What if my only purpose was to go spread some good cheer at 850?

How many folks resolve to be nice when they go to 850?

I don’t believe all that many.

And I am not going to go and be nice because I think I am going to get off the ticket, I don’t think I can, I ran the red.

Granted, yes I was at a full stop and yes, I did look both ways, and yeah, the light was going to change, but was I in the wrong?


So, be the adult and sack the fuck up.

Then I thought about my friend who had his bicycle stolen off the front of a MUNI bus.

I didn’t have my bike stolen.

I got to ride it to my awesome job today.

I did not get hit by a car in an intersection on foot.

I did not spend the last two days in the psyche ward at General.

Loads to be grateful for.

Oh, and like, hey, I have a three-day weekend!

I will pay my ticket then go on up to the Castro to see Barnaby, who just happened to have a cancellation in his schedule and will fit me in to touch up the stars on my neck and add two more for my anniversary.


Afterward a manicure.

After that?

Well, I will be in and around the Castro neighborhood, then over to Our Lady of SafeWay to see some fellows.

Then if I have it in me, dancing at Public Works.

I’ll have it in me.

Unless something else awesome comes my way, which it might, you know, I have some special good feelings, like with cheese butter on top good, about tomorrow.

I will get to sleep in tomorrow.

I will take a leisurely hot shower, eat an awesome breakfast, drink really good coffee (I went to Bi-Rite!), write for a while, then take a sunny ride through the Pan Handle, then on down to 850 Bryant to see what happens when I show up and have accountability.

Life, I suppose.

A really good life.

A life built on responsibility, showing up, taking actions, letting go of the results, a faith-based life where I go despite the fear of financial insecurity, because I can afford it and ultimately, the money is not my money, it’s just this energy that I have been given to spread about me.

I shall spread it cheerfully.

Like a warm golden pool of cheese butter over grits.

I am going to love it up tomorrow at 850.

I might get obnoxious with it.

I will have fun with it.

I am actually, haha, kind of looking forward to going.

I will make sure I have a book to read and I will pay whatever I have to pay, and then you know what I will do?

I will fucking leave.

That’s the best part of it all.

I don’t have to stay.

I did not do anything to incur a real “visit” there and I haven’t in just a touch over 9 years.

That, that is what is really nice.

Like, cheese butter nice.



Look At That!

November 26, 2013

I have no plans for tomorrow.


I have six days off.

I have a few little things to do here and there, Wednesday I have two back to back meet ups with some lovely ladies at Trouble Coffee and Coconut Club, then nothing else until Thursday.

Which is Thanksgiving where I will be the orphan plus one guest at some one’s house in Marin.

“You know you always have a place to go,” my dearest friend in Wisconsin told me tonight.


I do know, but the cost of a plane ticket to Wisconsin is a big one around the holidays and I am loath to drop that on a plane ticket because I don’t feel comfortable not having plans.

I was directed to do something so when the invitation was made I said yes.

I didn’t want to.

Although I love spending time with my friend.

The thought of meeting new people and spending time with them on a sacred holiday feels overwhelming.

But then too, the idea of not doing anything is not good for me.

My friend is looking out for me and I wouldn’t do anything less for a friend myself.

Considering, too, how many times I have hosted gigantic groups of people in my home for years and years and years, I think I am ok with being a guest versus being the host.

I will bring some nice coffee or flowers and wash dishes.

And my friend is my friend, I know him and love him and his people are bound to be great.

Just got to get out-of-the-way of my own head.

Show up, be of service, bring something to the event rather than take.

That is what it is all about anyhow.

What can I bring?

To any situation, not just a holiday party or a special occasion, but all occasions, that’s where the growth still is coming from.

Other than that, I want to do some more surfing this week, I was really happy to wake up without being totally wiped out.

I did go to bed about a half hour or so early last night, I suddenly bonked out, I was done, shut down the computer, washed my face and was out solid until my alarm went off this morning.

I had a later start then normal on a Monday, but I wasn’t even going to be working today, the family asked me to help so that errands could be done before the family left for the holiday.

I was happy to help.

And it was nice to not need to be there until 10a.m.

I actually caught a ride into the Castro with my house mate as her commute took her right by my family and she was walking out the door when I was walking to my bike.

I asked and she said yes.

I could have ridden my bike in, but it was nice to have the day off from the two wheels, I have ridden a lot of extra miles over this past week, add the surfing yesterday to the mix and I was grateful for a rest.

I did notice the same ache in my shoulder when I was pushing the stroller, so I was careful and slow, but the arms other wise felt good.

Tired, yes.

But not nearly the aching sore lackluster limbs I had the last time, the first time, I went out surfing.

Of course I didn’t struggle nearly as much with the board or getting up onto it and the water being much easier on me, well, there you go.

I am pretty damn lucky when it comes down to it.

I live by the beach, I have a wetsuit, a boogie board, and now my friends long board.

Just need to get me some flip-flops again.

I ran into an old friend I had not seen in years at 7th and Irving tonight and it was really good to see him and take a moment and catch up.

I remember when I asked him to teach me how to surf and I realized that I was not ready for it, though certainly intrigued, I had no idea what I wanted.

Sometimes I think that is still true for me, but things seem to be clarifying themselves and I keep practising this honesty thing.

“I want to you to pick a principle and practise it everyday and tell me what it is,” she said to me.



Today was honesty.

I asked for what I needed, let go of the results, and did my best to show up for the day.

Doesn’t always happen that way, but more and more I see myself acknowledging that I do practise a lot of honesty in my life.

Really, the one person I lie to most is myself, so when I can get out-of-the-way of that, it is an overwhelming gift.

Letting the love in and the grief out.

I admit, I am nervous about this time off, my experience over the last few weeks is that down time leads to me crying, but if that is what happens so be it.

I will take the time to allow that.

I will give myself the space to say yes to the unexpected.

I will save room to spend time with people I love and care about.

I will say yes to getting up early and staying up late to connect and form intimate relationships.

When else am I going to do that?

Granted not knowing what tomorrow will bring could be the cause for some consternation, but I know I am taken care of.

And really, when have I really known what the next day will bring?

I could go to a coffee shop and read all day.

Walk on the beach.

Do some grocery shopping.

Actually, I have to do that last one, the pantry is getting bare.

I could make some soup!


Lovely hot soup.

The weather has turned chillier, and eating soup is such a cozy thing.

I could make chili!

I haven’t done that in a bit.

Oh, the things I could do.

Whatever happens will be what is supposed to happen.

Just got to relax into the down time.

Six days!

Holy cats.

I have a feeling this is going to be epic.

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