Posts Tagged ‘pretty girl’

I Would Have Liked

June 3, 2016

To have read that blog!

His eyes lit up.

Yeah.

Except.

Well.

It didn’t sit with me, I woke up this morning, earlier than needed and I took down last night’s blog.

So.

Unless you’re one of the 11 people that caught it on social media before it got pulled or one of the 280 some followers of my blog, you’re out of luck.

Suffice to say.

It wasn’t kind and it was spurious and it was passive aggressive and manipulative.

It was bait.

And I don’t like that about me.

I get to keep my side of the street clean and I did that.

I actually don’t think that I was hurtful, no, nor was I mean, but ain’t nothing like a woman scorned.

Anyway.

Life moves a pace.

I have an awesome life and if you did read the blog, I got there, I was in my happy place by the time I went to put the blog down.

I also did some written inventory last night and let it go.

But, yeah, when I woke up and had a conversation with someone who wasn’t in the room with me, I knew, time to dump the blog.

Rather be clean.

So fresh and so clean, clean.

Than harbor any kind of resentment.

Does me no good.

Happy.

Joyous.

Hella hot.

Wild.

And free.

Please.

Did you see my hair today?

Mwahahaha.

And don’t get used to it.

I have an appointment booked for the 18th at Harper Paige with the lovely ladies for cut and color–pastel pink, baby, it’s summer time.

I’m also thinking that will be it for a while.

It’s been years of wild colors and maybe it’s time to go back to the brown.

I also am debating going short again, once the pink comes out and the root goes from being on fleek to being desperate.

I’m not sure yet.

I do like it long.

But once more short may be in the future.

Of course.

I may change my mind.

A lady is allowed that.

And.

“You are supposed to have fun! ¬†There is nothing, absolutely nothing wrong with playing the field,” he told me.

Well.

Thank God.

I’m out there trying, for sure.

Must to have the fun.

Still uncertain how the weekend is going to suss itself out.

Dancing?

Making out?

Pleasure.

Reading.

Heh.

Got you on the last one.

Trip to the MOMA, finally.

I actually offered my service to a lady for Sunday and got turned down.

Apparently I really am supposed to have these two days off.

I have no  clue what is going to happen.

I will be dressed sassy for it.

Then again, when am I not?

God I love clothes.

And makeup and glitter and flowers and sequins.

And, um.

Ha.

Digress much.

Tomorrow is Friday and will be the last day that I work the school schedule with the boys.

As of Monday I will transition back to full time hours, I’ve been doing 35 a week when not in a school weekend, 10a.m.-6p.m.

I’ve got my Monday nights booked in with my person up in the Castro.

“Good, we’ll meet here, once a week, Monday’s starting this Monday,” he said.

Awesome.

Since I’ve had this big school year I’ve been meeting him every other week.

I’m so grateful to go back to meeting once a week.

Plus my other person, of course, it takes a village, yah, it does, on Saturday’s and my three ladies interspersed throughout the week.

I will have time to date.

Oh yes I will.

And have fun.

I have two months and a half months before I head back into school.

I’m going to burn it to the ground.

“Well, of course she likes you, you’re wild, you’re free,” he said to me.

God.

It is nice to be seen.

The only fly in the ointment.

Yoga.

I’m not going to be able to make a yoga class before work any longer.

I had my last Thursday morning class today.

I sent love and light out to a certain person.

Like I said.

I felt a lot better after I got up and deleted the blog.

I am a nice person, let me live up to that.

I set an intention for myself.

“Lighten Up!”

And had a great fucking class.

I’m going to be sore tomorrow, maybe even until Saturday, but.

Oh man!

I did poses I haven’t been able to hit before and took things deeper and yes!

I did a three legged chaturunga.

Yeah.

Huh?

Basically do a down ward dog position and lift one leg up as you go down into the plank pose, then, knees, chest, chin, push back into upward facing dog or cobra, and then back to a three legged downward dog.

That means nothing to you.

That’s ok.

I did it!

My arms are hella strong and I can feel my core getting super strong too, and winnowing in a bit.

I’ve not really lost any weight, wasn’t doing it to lose weight anyhow, just displace stress out of my body and get out of my head.

Which can be a dangerous neighborhood.

But.

I have noticed my body changing shape.

And I won’t say I don’t like the results.

I do.

My waist has nipped in a little and I can feel my posture is better and my legs stronger.

I’m happy doing the yoga, although it still is and may always be, a bit of a mental challenge to talk myself into going to it.

I’m always so happy when I get done with a class.

I literally float down the sidewalk home.

It is so very nice.

So my morning yoga practice is going to have to change.

My doing the deal is going to have to change.

And that’s ok.

I can hang with that.

It may not look pretty for a few weeks while I work it out, but I can be flexible.

I can also continue to do the yoga on the weekends, it really comes down to the evenings, finding out if I can work in meet up with my fellows and a yoga class, or if that is asking for too much.

I don’t need to figure it out now.

Nope.

It’s almost Friday.

One more day of work.

Then let the fun begin!

I am also open for suggestions.

Or for hanging out.

Hit me up.

I’m ready.

Seriously.

You Smell Good

March 17, 2016

He said to me, drawing back from the warm hug.

“I try,” I said and smiled.

And I do.

It was nice to see him and when I was sitting a few minutes later in the darkened room listening to the words I have heard so many times before, it occurred to me that there was no charge there, nothing.

Just a sweetness and a gratitude.

It was nice to see my ex and know that I’ll be able to be friends with him.

Not that I’m planning on hanging out with him anytime soon, just that I won’t be scurrying across the street trying to avoid him.

I remember how blown apart I felt when I saw him unexpectedly about this time last year.

I felt like I had been knifed in the guts.

It felt hella bad.

Tonight, it wasn’t at all, he approached me, gave me a big sweet hug and we just shot the shit and caught up.

Ah.

Growing up.

It’s nice that this happens.

Gives me hope for all my relationships, dating and otherwise, that I can find a way through to a softness and openness with people I have been emotionally vulnerable with.

And really, he had no idea, there was so much that wasn’t said, so much that I did not reveal about myself.

Just because I got naked with the man did not mean I was emotionally naked with him.

I tried.

He tired too.

We both tried.

We just spoke a different language and we both had very different needs.

Perspective.

So nice to have it.

And so nice to be able to write my blog!

Oof.

Yesterday was tough.

I think it was good though, I’ve got my glasses situation taken care of and it was nice to have an excuse to go to bed early.

I really couldn’t do much and I felt rather blown out by the experience and more tired than I would have admitted under different circumstances.

I still have this tiny touch of a cold too.

Nothing to inhibit me from going out and doing things, but I let myself take the two things together, dilated eyes and slight throaty sickness and run with it.

I slept.

I really slept.

It was good.

I think I may have gotten caught up with the sleep I missed between the school weekend and Day Light Savings.

I may even go to yoga tomorrow morning before work.

I may not though.

I may give it one more day of rest and really let my body be fully rested.

I know that I am feeling better, at least much better than last night, as when I put on my music I did a little dance around my room and twirled in my dress.

“You look good,” he said.

“Thank you,” I smiled.

It’s nice to have acknowledgement and I have to say, I did feel well put together today.

“Do you have another date tonight?” She asked as we stood waiting for the key to arrive.

“Nope, not unless you count with myself,” I laughed, “I just felt like being dressed up.”

I wore one of my ModCloth Hell Bunny dresses.

The teal one with Day of Dead skulls on it and tattooed hearts.

It is hella cute.

A pair of black leggings, a black cardigan, and some Converse.

“If I was on a date with a guy I’d be in heels,” I said and did a little soft shoe shuffle in my Chuck Taylors.

“If I’m dressing for me, it’s almost always Converse,” I said.

This is true, but I have to say, having classes on the weekends where I’m doing so much sitting in desks has led me to up my shoe game.

At least weekends I have classes.

Hmm.

Maybe I have been a little sicker than I thought, I feel really full of energy right now.

Of course I had a great doing the deal experience tonight and that always puts a boost in my step.

But.

There’s something else.

I just feel sassy.

Happy.

Free.

I’m not going to try and figure it out.

Just enjoy it.

Go with it.

Flexible.

I am open to being flexible, having fun, living this amazing life of mine.

I have had these little revelations, this sense of change.

Change is coming.

I have had moments when I see daisies sprouting from my heart.

I have sunshine surrounding me.

I feel my feet skipping in happiness, a long white skirt flipping out in my hand, a pair of boots on my feet, a dance, a joyfulness, I see a meadow and mountains, a barn house, a blue grass band.

Sometimes there is an illusive quality, but there, with this one little set of chords being picked out on a guitar, I just feel uplifted and joyous and yeah, ha, I see flowers, big white daisies with golden butter eyes, sprouting from my heart.

Once in a while from the top of my head.

It’s a fantastic image and I have not idea where it is, just that the landscape is there, in my interior and it feels buoyant and delicious.

It feels like love.

It feels like being seen.

It feels like a jackrabbit in the long grass, a sudden startle, a uplifted face to the sun, then, a settling and knowing, that I am safe.

It is an exquisite feeling.

One of many that I get to have.

I am so grateful that I am allowed to hold more than one emotion at a time.

I knew, intellectually, that time would heal the space between my ex and I.

I didn’t expect the experience to be like it was and to not have any pull to go chase after anything.

There’s nothing to chase.

“Be the ball, Martines,” Shadrach said to me.

Oh yeah.

Being the ball.

The belle of the freaking ball.

I’ll be the pretty girl in the circle skirt.

Sunshine and flowers in her hair.

And a daisy sprouting from the crown of my head.

Raised in brightness.

Sitting in the grassy field waiting for you to take my hand.

Come on!

Let’s go play.

It’s sunny outside.

As.

Well.

As.

Inside.


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