Posts Tagged ‘pursued’

Wanted Woman

May 27, 2017

It’s nice to be wanted.

It really is.

It’s nice to be pursued.

It’s nice to be courted.

But.

To a point.

Today I was asked to nanny by four different people.

Four.

Three separate families apart from the one I work for, and all from the same spot.

I was a little overwhelmed by it, I was also very tentative about saying anything about my availability.

What availability?

I mean.

Yikes.

One mom who asked has asked before and it has always felt a little like I was getting manipulated into doing something even though I was fairly closed mouth about being able to do anything, I also feel like I must be circumspect and respect that the families are all after one thing, that which will work well for them and their children.

And I know from over a decade of being a nanny that it’s hard to find a good fit for your child, I am asked for referrals all the time.

All the time.

It takes a lot of showing up to be good.

And.

I have a lot to give, but let’s be honest.

There is only so much Carmen-nanny to go around.

Word has gotten out that my family will be gone for a few weeks in July and that I might be helping out my previous family.

And it’s true.

My current family will be leaving for a few weeks, but my internship won’t be going anywhere.

And yes.

I did tell my previous family I would love to help them out with a date night, I miss the boys and it would be sweet to have a night with them.

But.

I am in no place to suddenly pick up a lot of hours.

I will say, though, it is flattering.

I also got to see the another family I briefly worked for end of last year and get a lot of hugs and how are you’s and catch up.

Part of me wants to say yes, of course I will help, I love your kids, I like you.

But.

I love me to.

And Carmen has needs.

I want to make sure my needs are getting met before I go off and make promises to help when I will just get resentful.

No.

I don’t want my summer to be a resentful making time.

I would rather do a lot of yoga, hang out with friends, go on dates, get some extra hours in at my internship and maybe take a long weekend somewhere.

Maybe not even all that far away.

Somewhere by the sea.

Somewhere closer by then Paris.

Somewhere I just lay around in a big hotel bed for a weekend.

I still have my flight voucher for $480 to use before October.

And.

I just had a moment today, not a big one, but a kind of soft warning bell, oh hey, don’t forget, you’re also going to Burning Man and I haven’t done any prep around that.

I still need to replace my playa bike.

I need to find a ride there and back as well.

I have some supplies that I need to replace, a battery charged air pump for my blow up mattress, and of course since I’m not working at all this event I will need to probably procure another cooler for a longer run on my food and figure out a shade structure.

I didn’t have a shade structure last year, I figured, four days in and out, I’ll deal, but this year I’ll be there for the full event and I want to be in a nice space for myself.

Also.

Since school starts for me the weekend prior to Burning Man starting, literally my fall school semester will start and I will leave class and head straight to the playa.

That night.

If not that afternoon.

Depending on who I ride with.

Anyone want to give me a ride to Burning Man this year?

Yeah, seriously, hit me up.

I suppose I will put my name on the ride share board again and see if that pans anything out.

I don’t have to know all the details yet, but there’s planning that needs to be done for that and May is almost over, June will be really rolling into being at my internship and taking clients and July, the family is gone for three weeks.

That three weeks feels like the golden times.

I could not work at all.

I am getting paid for the time the family is away.

I could just do my internship and hide from all forms of nannying.

I don’t want to let myself get bogged down in helping out too many people.

Even if all I do is yoga and take long walks on the beach, just some good solid self-care.

Ah.

I am done with the worrying.

Tomorrow has a lot going on and I want to get up early and go to yoga, stretch out as much as possible and get in my body, meeting with my person at Tart to Tart, grocery shopping–the cupboards are pretty bare, and a dentist appointment to deal with before I try to figure out what July looks like.

I have today.

I got through the week, the jet lag seems to have faded off.

I got to see some friends and fellows tonight.

I had a great day at work.

I was pursued and though I couldn’t respond in the manner that was being asked after, I gave no promises as to my availability, only confirmed that the family will be out for a few weeks in July, I could thank those that asked after me.

And.

I can appreciate that I am appreciated.

That people want me to work for them.

That I am wanted is a gift.

A gift that I do not take lightly.

So with much gratitude.

I bid adieu to Friday and hello to my three-day weekend!

I am so ready for it.

Seriously.

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September 11, 2016

Make your own damn dinner.

And.

Buy your own damn flowers.

And.

Always.

ALWAYS.

Have a back up plan.

Especially when you realize, hmm, it’s 4:30 p.m. and nary a text regarding the dinner date I was supposed to be on tonight.

Especially since said date didn’t text me this morning like he said in his last message.

I sort of chalked that up to whatever and went about my day.

I did yoga.

God damn I like my Saturday teacher.

I wish he was teaching more often at the studio, but he’s committed to another studio.

He is hands down my favorite instructor and though Saturday 9a.m. is going to be a busy day for a yoga class anywhere in San Francisco, I feel like his class is often super packed because he’s just a great teacher.

I definitely got my yoga on this morning.

I left the studio floating, a glow, a beacon of light in the fog.

Fuck you fog.

Over it.

Done.

Give me back that precious San Francisco Indian Summer you so rudely appropriated.

Cold and chilly and foggy all day long.

Hopefully tomorrow that will lift a little.

I have another date, different guy, obviously, tomorrow to go on a hike around Glen Canyon.

I have never hiked around Glen Canyon.

I realized when I was mapping it out that I had been thinking McClaren Park, not Glen Canyon, so a brand new experience to have in the city.

Stoked for it.

I also just texted tomorrow’s date and asked for confirmation.

This lady has things to do and places to be if there’s not a date happening.

Which was exactly what happened today.

I had back up plans in case this evening’s date fell through.

I used to think that was weak, to doubt the date, to make other plans, then I just realized, no, it’s fucking practical and it leaves me not feeling stood up and left out.

I have a busy life and if this dude can’t even make the effort to text and at least say, thanks but no thanks, then fuck, I got things I can attend to.

Which I did.

I got my nails done and my eyebrows.

I met with my person and I did the deal.

I had coffee and checked in.

I went grocery shopping.

And when I got home at 4 p.m. on the nose and saw that tonight’s date hadn’t texted yet I began to set into motion the other things I was going to do today.

Homework.

So thanks dude for not getting back to me.

I got a fuck load of reading done.

The other thing that was nice about today’s date or lack there of, was that its location was advantageous to me.

It was going to be dinner in my hood.

Like a block and a half away.

I could be here at the house reading my homework with no qualms and if dude was tied up and forgot to text or get a hold of me I was fine doing my thing.

If I had been elsewhere or the date was elsewhere I would have texted to confirm.

But.

I had this voice, quiet and assured.

Don’t fucking chase.

He revealed himself.

And.

I didn’t need to send some passive aggressive text wondering about what was happening.

When the clock hit 4:30 p.m. and I was done unpacking my groceries and balancing my check book and had redone my hair, I knew.

It was going to be a solo dinner for this lady.

I just opened up my syllabus for my Family Therapy class and got down to the reading.

And for tomorrow.

If I don’t get a text back from date number two.

Fuck no, will I be scooting over to Glen Canyon.

I feel better about tomorrow’s date though, it’s not really a blind date.

Yes.

We did match on Tinder.

But.

We’ve known each other for years.

So it was a sort of fun surprise.

And no.

I’m not back on Tinder.

This guy just happened to sneak through before I had deleted the app on my phone.

In fact.

Ha.

I just realized that the one person I am planning on for sure seeing, one of the ladies I work with, hasn’t confirmed with me tomorrow.

I may have more time than I thought.

I usually meet with two ladies on Sunday, one already cancelled, for a really legit reason, and the other has not confirmed.

So I may have a little free time tomorrow before the afternoon date at three p.m.

Note to self.

Cook food for the week.

I got my groceries, now they just need the cooking.

I did hold off on cooking dinner tonight in the off-chance that dude came through, but I did make myself a nice dinner before I went out to see some fellows over at Divisadero and Turk Street.

The other thing I had planned in case tonight’s date fell through.

And it was hella good.

So nice to see my people.

So nice to be seen.

I was invited out to Brenda’s for some fellowshipping, but having already made myself a really nice meal, I decided to come back here, do some writing, call it an early night, watch a video and get up early and do a yoga class in the morning.

I signed up for the 9a.m. class again.

It’s with a teacher I have never had before.

Which always makes me a little nervous, but having been to three classes this week after the long absence, I feel pretty good about being able to hold my own in whatever class I end up in.

Plus.

I’m grateful to have time to take yoga.

I am still on the studio’s monthly plan and when I can it just makes sense to go.

Thank God, again, that the studio is on the block I live on.

Funny that.

I was just thinking.

Tonight’s date lives a block and a half away from me and in the three years I have lived here we have never once met.

Looks like we were never intended to.

Oh well.

Grateful for the information.

Now moving on.

But not chasing.

Oh no.

Never that.

Letting myself be pursued maybe the hardest thing about this whole dating thing.

But man.

It feels so much better than chasing.

Be the ball, Martines.

Be the motherfucking ball.

I am so worth being pursued.

Seriously.


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