Posts Tagged ‘referral’

I’d Like To Speak

April 13, 2018

To the manager please.

Except.

I didn’t say that.

I did say, nicely, politely, with lots of pauses and deep, slow breathing, that I had been calling every day for the last four days, four, and that I really wanted to make an appointment with the doctor.

REALLY.

I expressed how much pain I have been in and how it’s been really hard to not be able to get through to the part of the story where I make an appointment and I’m seen.

REALLY fucking hard.

The woman on the line gave me another number to call.

How many fucking numbers am I going to have to call to get to be seen?

I am not good at this, and I wonder, is anyone?  But I played along and called the next number and sure as shit, I got a voicemail saying please leave a message and someone will get back to you within the next 24 hours.

Fuck you.

I mean.

REALLY.

I hung up.

I called my person, I left a teary message.

I sank down on the floor and cried a little.

The baby was playing by the train set and the oldest boy was in his room with a new Lego set grandma had gotten him.

I had a minute to cry and then I got up, blew my nose, and started a kettle for a cup of tea.

You know who called me back?

My person.

Fucking love him.

And he told me to get up early and go to the doctor’s office in person and make the appointment there and demand to be seen.

Ugh.

Just the thought of trying to do that felt horrendous and huge and awful and I had this inkling that the mom was going to ask me to come in early, which she did, but more on that later, and I couldn’t imagine getting up early, driving down town and marching into CPMC Sutter and pounding on the desk to get an appointment with the GI specialist that my doctor referred me to.

But.

I was willing to take it as a suggestion.

Honestly though, I wasn’t sure I could do it.

Fortunately.

A few hours later when I was wrapping up dinner dishes and the family was happily eating dinner, I got a call back!

I was shocked.

It was 5:30 p.m. and I wasn’t expecting any kind of response after 5p.m. had rolled on by.

It was the manager of the office!

She was super kind and very apologetic.

She’d listened to my message and combed over the records from the answering service and apparently there was no record of any of the phone calls I had made.

Not a single one!

I have called the office every day since I got the referral on Monday.

Monday, two hours after the initial appointment at One Medical.

On Monday I was told that the office hadn’t had a chance to look at the referrals yet and the doctor would look them over and call on Tuesday.

By three p.m. Tuesday I hadn’t heard a thing.

So I called and spoke to a woman who took all my information and assured me that someone from the office would get back to me in the next 24 hours.

24 hours later, Wednesday around 3 p.m., nada, not a single fucking call.

So.

I called back.

This time I got through to the doctor’s office and was told that they had never received a fax from the referring doctor.

Fuck my mother.

So.

I called One Medical, and they denied that, insisted they’d faxed it, but said, hey, we’ll do it again.

Then the guy at One Medical did me one better, I have to say I am impressed so far with them, great customer service, he called the office himself.

He then called me back and said he’d re-faxed the paper work, apparently the fax machine at the GI’s office had gone down on Monday and they were inundated with a back log of faxes.

Sure.

Sounded an awful lot like the dog at my homework, but whatever.

So I called back to the office and spoke to a woman there who said they’d received a partial fax, but not the entire thing and the doctor would call me tomorrow.

Which brings me to today.

And no phone call by 3 p.m.

Which led me to call the office again and this time I got the answering service again and I got upset and I was not in tears, but I was pissed, and I held it together, but I made it super clear to the woman I was talking to that I wasn’t going to leave a message so that I could be called back in the next 24 hours, I was in pain and I had been trying since Monday and I needed help.

That’s when she gave me the manager’s number, although at the time I thought she was giving me a direct number to the GI’s office.

No such luck.

Grateful though, that I pushed and got through to someone and really grateful that the woman took the time to call me back, after business hours, get me into the system fully and assured me that she would personally make it her business to have the doctor’s office book my appointment tomorrow.

I admit, I had a fantasy that I would get the referral and already be done with it by this point and have some sort of resolution.

And although that’s not what happened, at least I do know that I have taken the next step towards something.

I hope to hell I can get this taken care of.

I am so tired of it.

Really.

Really.

REALLY.

Tired.

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Tender

April 11, 2018

A belly full of fire.

A throat torn asunder.

A back knotted in pain.

All my emotions so close to the surface I laugh exuberantly and then tear up and cry.

I’m so tender and tired and worn out from the reflux.

I’m tired of writing about it, but not as tired as I am of experiencing it.

This constant pain and soft torture.

I called the GI’s office today that I was referred to and to my dismay I was told to have my doctor fax over my referral and then the doctor would get back to me in 24 hours.

I told the woman on the phone that my doctor did that yesterday and the person at her office I had spoken to had told me I would be contacted today.

And I wasn’t.

Not by three p.m. so I called.

Fortunately this woman who I spoke with got all my information down and promised I would hear back within the next 24 hours.

I am so ready to be seen, fixed, cured, helped.

Whatever it takes.

Until that time though I am trying to be gentle with myself.

I find that I am ok then something slight will set me off emotionally, and I don’t have as much patience with the kids and I want to check out and not be present.

I have not allowed myself to wander off too much internally and I have stayed pretty present and helpful for the mom and the family.

I’m getting by chewing gum and taking shots of vinegar.

I took one about an hour ago and it’s not working, but I did it anyway.

I took the new reflux medicine the new doctor prescribed a second time today and it’s not working either, but I did it anyway.

I don’t want to write my blog, but I’m doing it anyway.

I had both my clients cancel tonight and I thought I was going to go do the deal but I got so overwhelmed looking for parking I just cut and ran.

I drove home, parked, got to my house, got the mail, realized I had forgotten I had groceries in the boot until I was inside, went back, out, retrieved my groceries, came back home, and put them on the counter.

I was on a phone call and trying to be emotionally even keeled, but that wasn’t working either.

The sun had not set yet and I sat down on the chaise by the back door and soaked up some of the setting rays, got warm and cried soft slow wet tears talking to my friend.

I’m running a fever again.

I got off the phone put away the groceries, heated up some dinner.

I got a text from my person asking me where I was, was I going to the 7:15p.m.?

That had been my original plan, but I told him that I had come home, was feeling really sick, was eating dinner and crying and was trying to rally to go back out and hit an 8p.m. in the neighborhood.

Which.

Well.

I did not do.

I did not rally much.

I rallied enough to wash my dinner dishes.

And to open this page and write.

The writing helps, but it doesn’t stop the pain, it just gives me something to focus on for a while until I notice it again.

I’m being eaten from the inside out.

I feel like I’m aging.

I feel like I’m getting more gray hairs and definitely more wrinkles.

I feel old and depleted and tired and rotten inside.

What is wrong with me?

Oh God.

And now I just sound pitiful.

I hate feeling powerless and this is definitely me being powerless.

I just have to keep pushing through until I can be seen by the specialist and I will take whatever I can get as soon as I can get it.

He calls and says come in today I will leave work, cancel clients, and fucking go.

He says endoscopy tomorrow, I’ll fast the night away and cancel it all.

I have just got to get some relief.

“I could just kill myself,” a little voice said in my head as I got off the phone with my friend.

Great.

Suicide because of reflux.

What a pitiful way to go.

“How’d she die?”

Heartburn.

Nothing romantic there.

No.

I’m not going to kill myself because of this, but I am going to go to bed early tonight and I’m going to harass the hell out of doctor’s office to make an appointment.

I was asked to come in early to work tomorrow, so an early bed time isn’t a bad thing.

I’ll just wrap up some emails and call it a day.

Drink some hot tea and curl up in my bed.

Tuck my pink stuffy bunny under my arm.

And prop my pillows up high.

I’ve become a five-year old in my illness.

And I don’t fucking care.

Not one fucking bit.

Ok.

Maybe not a five-year old.

But

A seven-year old with a profanity problem.

Or rather.

A forty-five yearl old who just really needs to be babied for awhile.

Sigh.

 

 

Halloween

October 28, 2017

It’s going to be interesting.

I agreed to go out with some girlfriends to Oakland.

I am fucking crazy.

But.

Well.

Dancing.

Friends I haven’t seen in a while.

Fellowship.

Costumes.

Which sound great, but on my ride home from my internship tonight the shit show of traffic that is already happening and the crazy, San Francisco likes it some Halloween, the crazy is already on.

Tuesday is Halloween.

But everyone is out celebrating this weekend.

So.

Today when I was feeling all sorts of sassy, before the week caught up with me and bitch slapped me and stomped all over me, christ almighty I was drained when I left work to go to my internship–I worked overtime at my day job this week, I was all worn the fuck out and thought, I am nuts to want to go out tomorrow.

It’s going to be crazy town.

I mean it already is crazy town.

It’s just going to be more of it.

And how am I going to juggle the costume?

I sort of have an idea.

I was thinking I could do a sugar skull.

I don’t have all the right makeup to do it, but I could probably pick it up.

The thing is coordination with my girlfriend and where she’s going to be in the city and where I will be in the city.

I’ve got my internship from 1p.m.-5:30 p.m. tomorrow.

Yeah.

I was not expecting that, but then again, I did say I was open for consults this Saturday, so there it is, I am no victim, I volunteered for it.

I also had a client cancel this week and a few cancel next week, as Halloween is on a Tuesday–both clients cancelled that night, so I was eager to make up some of the hours.

It just puts a little crunch on coming home and getting ready and going back out again.

I have 7pm plans in the NOPA to do the deal and afterward my person and I are going to get dinner at Brenda’s Meat and Three on Divisadero.

I figure we’ll be wrapping up dinner around 9:30p.m.

My friend wants to get over to Oakland around 10p.m. for the Halloween dance.

A lot of folks in my community will be there, so it’s good fun, but I just feel a tiny bit pressured.

Then again.

Dress up?

Makeup?

Dancing?

Girlfriends?

Um, yeah.

That actually sounds good.

So I am going to make the effort, I am going to try not to be the old lady who is going to bed early on a weekend night since she’s fucking drained from the week, I’m going to rally.

I am sure I will have a good time.

And then I can say with all honesty that I did something for the holiday.

I haven’t celebrated it in a while.

The last time I went out on Halloween was with this same friend and a bunch of other folks, I dressed up as the Queen of Hearts and my date went as a character from Game of Thrones.

I was nervous as all hell to have a Halloween dance date and it was weird and as it turns out, it was so not a good match, but I went out and had some dancing with my girlfriend and she and her boyfriend actually won the fucking costume contest!

They dressed up as Vincent Vega and Mia Wallace from Pulp Fiction and they actually did the fucking dance on the stage.

It was brilliant.

I do recall that the music at said dance rather sucked, but it was fun to hang with my friends.

That was what, three years ago?

Yeah.

I suppose it’s about time I did something on Halloween.

I know I didn’t dress up last year, I’m sure I could have, I’m sure there was a party or five I could have gone to, but grad school, that’s been the thematic for the last two and a half years, I want to, but um, homework.

And yes.

Sure.

I have some, I have plenty.

But.

I want to play dress up.

I want to be social.

So I’m pretty sure I will go, even though it felt like too much effort to even think about after I got out of work tonight.

I have other Halloween things on the mind.

I have an interview on Halloween.

No.

Not for a job.

I love my job.

I’m not looking for another.

Unless it will help me get hours for my MFT licence and pays better than what I make now.

I suspect that won’t actually happen until I graduate.

Anyway.

No.

I was asked by a group that do this thing called “People Who Don’t Usually Lecture.

It’s not a Ted talk, it’s not about big ideas, but about rather about unique life experiences and personal life journeys.

I was referred to it by a very dear friend of mine.

Said friend with whom I get to enjoy a lunch in North Beach on Sunday and catch up on all the things.

My friend did a lecture for these folks and in his discussion he brought up a poetry project that I did in collaboration with him a couple of years ago, my first semester in graduate school.

They were intrigued and asked if he’d forward my e-mail, they were interested in hearing my story.

It seems they have been doing this series in Tel Aviv now for three years and are taking the series to a global platform.

I was really flattered to be considered and I messaged with the director, I think he’s the director, of the project today.

And set up a time to go and interview with them on Halloween.

I am super excited to do it.

Of course I am.

I like to talk about myself.

Who doesn’t?

But I also like to share about how I have gotten through struggles, hardship, overcome difficulties, thrived and been resilient, how I have said yes to things, and therefore lived in Paris with my tattoo artist, flown to Rome to spend a weekend with a woman I had met in Paris at dinner, gone to London to spend Christmas Eve with a barely known acquaintance, gone to Burning Man 11 times, written thousands, yes thousands of blogs (2,286 to be exact, plus a few hundred more that I either scrubbed or archived off the site), how I met a woman in New Orleans and she collected me as an artist and took me to lunch and drove me all over New Orleans one afternoon, how I meet people, connect, talk, like the man in Green Point Brooklyn who’s sculpture I was so admiring of that he came out and talked to me and before you know it I have a private showing of his studio and the promise that when I could afford one of his pieces he would be happy to recreate my favorite one he had in his studio and ship it to me, (Doug Beube, his stuff is extraordinary) how I am a nanny, how I have worked with kids for over a decade, including nannying at 7 Burning Man events.  Or my most recent adventure, working full-time while interning part-time and going to graduate school full time.

Yeah.

That.

No biggie.

Or my spiritual life.

Which is the penultimate reason why I can do all of the above.

Regardless.

I have things to talk about.

I’m intrigued, and flattered, and more than a touched humbled that someone who I respect and admire referred me to this group of people.

It feels like a big deal.

And.

Some nice validation of who I am and what I do on a daily basis to do all the things.

So.

Yeah.

I will rally tomorrow and get my Halloween on.

I said yes, didn’t I?

And when I say yes.

Well.

Magical things happens.

They

Always.

Do.

 

Serendipitous

August 18, 2017

Cancellations.

Two.

I had two cancellations today.

I went into my internship after work, which I was allowed to scoot out from a little early, with the idea that I would pop over to Gus’s community market and pick up a few things for dinner and then I run into an old friend who I haven’t seen in seven months, maybe eight.

We talked about what I was doing, practicum with my internship, and that we both are located in the same building.

She is a licensed MFT with an office in the building, once a week I have walked past it thinking, one of these days I’m going to run into her.

Today was that day.

We both are going to Burning Man as well.

She was, in fact surprised to see me, “aren’t you supposed to already be up there?”

Common misconception amongst many of my friends, I have often been gone by this time, already landed and working the event.

But not this year.

This year will be my first year without a job to be tethered to.

I have some freedom that I’m not sure exactly how I will fill, but fill it I will, I’m sure.

She and I chatted, caught up, and I let her know what my schedule was at the internship and she asked how they, the institution I intern for, take referrals.

I explained it and she said, “great!  I have a referral specifically for you, I’ll make sure the client asks for you.”

Wow.

I was blown away.

It was such a nice complement.

Then.

I ran into a fellow in my community that I haven’t seen since I started my school program, and he’s got a new office three doors down from me!

It was great getting caught up and he showed me his space and we chatted.

He told me he was really glad to see me, that I have “such great energy, I’m glad I’m going to see you a couple of times a week!”

Again.

Wow.

Nice, really, so sweet to be thought of that way.

That I have great energy, that there are therapists who want to refer clients to me, that I get to do this work.

Granted I didn’t do much work tonight, at least not direct face to face time with clients, but fuck, I did a lot of work today.

Up early and working on scheduling issues with clients and getting a transfer from another intern at the institute, e-mailing my assistant director and director, sending out clarification e-mails to clients and working on getting another of my syllabi printed off and sorted out.

Yes.

Finally.

All my classes are published online and I have all my syllabi printed.

I have all my books ordered.

I have a reader yet to pick up but I won’t deal with that until next weekend.

A week from tomorrow is my first weekend of my third and final year of this Masters in Counseling Psychology program.

One more year baby.

I know I can do it.

I did a bunch of reading today too.

Ok.

Well, not a bunch, but I got through all the reading, 171 pages, five chapters, in the Jungian Dream work book I have for my class and I got started on a homework assignment for the class.

Yeah.

I fucking did homework tonight and my classes haven’t yet started.

This happened to me last semester too, that I had a reflection paper due for one of my classes the first class of the weekend.

It’s not an accelerated program per se, but the month of classes a day time student would take, gets crammed into three days one weekend a month, so the amount of reading is huge and almost every class I have had has a lot of papers due in between the once a month meet up.

It’s a lot.

But.

Hey.

I can hold down a job while going to school full-time and, fingers crossed, while also doing an internship, which, I have to do, it’s a requirement for the school.

I must have a certain amount of hours to graduate the program.

It’s not horrendous, 255 I think.

Personally, I want to have a lot more than that, and originally I was gunning for the maximum amount of hours that I could acquire while in school.

Then I realized, fuck no.

I want a tiny bit of a life.

I’ve got slivers of time that are super precious to me and I’m not willing to go full whole hog, I need those small spots and spaces to keep myself from losing it while undertaking this endeavor.

So far.

Well, I like I said I don’t have the amount of hours I had thought I was going to accrue over the summer, I still have enough.

More than enough, really.

I have 124.50 hours logged.

Which is great.

I’m half way to where I need to be to graduate the program.

And.

I have two full semesters to get those hours.

I’m going to be just fine.

Things fall together.

Time is spacious and luscious and I don’t have to be anxious about it.

Just like I’m not going to be freaked out by not having all the reading done by next weekend.

I just won’t.

Oh.

I will have enough, and I suspect I will be far ahead of the majority of folks in m cohort, which seems to have been the precedent I have set for myself before even knowing I was doing it.

“I haven’t even ordered my books yet,” a friend in the cohort told me on Sunday over coffee.

I don’t roll like that.

As each syllabi was published I ordered the books necessary for the class.

Because a couple of my classes were not published expeditiously I haven’t got all my textbooks.

But.

I have enough.

And I’m doing enough.

Getting to have an unexpected cancellation tonight gave me a nice little cushion–finished the reading and the first assignment for one of my classes and roasted a chicken, got caught up with some more calendar stuff, went over the fall school schedule with my boss at work, and had a great phone check in with my person.

I will take the gift.

Grateful.

Really grateful.

And holy shit.

Tomorrow is Friday.

Yay!

Friday!

I can’t fucking wait.

SERIOUSLY.

Bring it on.

Cold Hands

December 1, 2016

Warm heart.

I spent a lot of today being just a little bit cold.

Not horrible.

But my feet have been damp all day long and that gets to a person.

Granted.

My heart has been full.

Lots of love from my charges.

So much love.

Just smashed with it.

I wasn’t expecting to go through the day wet, but I got caught in the rain on my way to work on my scooter and just got soaked.

It also meant that soccer practice for one of the boys was cancelled, so I had multiple charges today when I would have just had the baby for the first half of the day.

I had brought homework.

Ha.

Ha.

No homework today.

That being said, however, I did have something pretty freaking awesome happen today at work.

I asked for a letter of reference and got a resounding yes, of course, we’d love to!

Both the parents for this particular family are psychiatrists.

They met in graduate school.

Hello.

Too cute.

And I’m always so shocked that they’re doctors, and practicing and have been for a while.

Both of them were ready to write me a letter.

I may get two out of the deal!

Super stoked.

Like.

REALLY.

I prefaced my ask with I know I haven’t worked with you for very long, and it’s true, I haven’t, but, they have seen me balance my job with my school work and have commiserated with me about the hours of reading and they’ve been witness to my rapport with their children.

And um, I’ll probably work with kids, heh.

So.

Yes.

Very excited for that piece to fall into place.

I will be going to a practicum fair this next weekend of classes and I will be getting more information about sites then.

I also will be making time to meet with the co-ordinator of the practicum placement team and asking for suggestions about resumes and where I should be focusing and what to do next.

I do know I need to get my advisor to sign off on my readiness, which I have already received verbally, but paperwork has to be submitted.

I shall be submitting the next weekend I’m in classes.

Especially since it’s the last weekend of the semester.

Ah.

Warming up.

Hot tea.

Sorry, ha, back to school.

My last weekend of the semester is almost here!

Party.

Well.

Not yet.

I looked over the paper guidelines today for my Psychopathology class and I have gathered my books and notes and want to at least take a stab at getting some thing of an outline sketched out.

I also looked over the final paper that is due for my Family Therapy class.

It’s a little more involved than I first thought, but a much shorter paper than my Psychopathology class, 5-7 pages.

I am thinking I may get it started and possibly finish it on Saturday.

Then, give myself Sunday, after I meet with a couple of ladies, to start the Psychopathology paper.

One of the parents got excited today when I described what I have to do to write that paper, I almost wanted to give her the vignette to look over.

But I know that would be cheating myself of the experience and this is all stuff I have to learn and re-learn and remember before I go into my practice, I have to do a lot, A LOT, of reading and practice myself.

But I’m grateful for it.

It’s really nice to have a goal.

I have drifted for a long time wondering what I should do, what was I going to be when I grew up?

I never thought I would be a therapist.

But.

You know.

It makes pretty good sense.

I’ve been an ear for many a tale.

Many a secret.

Many a confidence.

And a rather empathetic one at that, if I can toot my own horn.

Just grateful to have these experiences to draw on as well.

So many things.

So many ways of seeing and being seen and gratitude for all of it.

True and sure.

The parents expressed to me again, as well as signing off on doing letters of recommendations, how much they will miss me when I transition to my next family.

Which is really sweet to hear.

I have two more weeks with them.

I will be sad, I do like the family  a lot.

And I got the ‘I love you’ today from the 4-year-old.

The last hold out of the bunch and in ways the most squishy, snuggly one of the bunch.

He just looked up at me at dinner time and said, “Carmen, I love you.”

Big awed brown eyes.

I have had that told to me so much this week, I have to say it’s been so nice to hear and get confirmation that I’m on the right track, doing well, having an influence and giving just as much as I’m getting.

I also found out that my next family is really excited to work with me as well.

Early this evening as I was getting dinner ready for the bunch, a family friend swung by with some shoes for the oldest boy, she happens to have a very sweet 6-year-old in the same school as my main family.

“Oh!  I was hoping I would get to say hello, it’s so nice to see you,” she smiled and handed off the shoes.

“And, I heard you’re moving on soon?” She asked, eyes bright and inquisitive, “buy you’re staying within the _____ (private school they all go to ) family, right?”

I smiled, “I am, I’ll be working for ________ and __________ and their new baby, I’m super happy to stay within the ‘family’.”

“I saw her today when I went to pick up __________ from school, she’s so excited for you to start with them,” the family friend said, “really excited.”

“Oh, that’s so nice to hear,” I said.

And it was.

I mean.

It’s one thing to hear it from the mom when I interviewed, but to hear that she’s talking to other parents at the school and that she can’t wait for me to start.

Well.

That made my day.

It might have been a little grey and a little cold.

But.

l was so warmed by the effusive outpouring of love from my charges and the lovely words from the parents and their friends.

I barely noticed the cold at all.

Happy.

Joyous.

Free.

And recommended, referenced, referred, and totally taken care of.

I mean.

Totally.

I GOT THE JOB!

October 6, 2016

And like that.

It’s done.

Well.

It’s not 100% done, nothing is quite so tidy and wrapped up and dropped off at the door with absolutely no strings attached.

But.

I got the job!

I had the second interview tonight, after working a full day with the family up in Noe Valley, and I was basically offered the job.

Health insurance stipend.

PTO–paid time off.

Full time hours, except the Fridays I’m in my grad school program.

The family is fine with my Paris dates.

They will be drawing up a contract and confidentiality statement to cover all bases and yup, I’ll be over the table again.

As nice as it is to get cash here and there under the table, I’m a lot more comfortable having the taxes taken out and dealt with.

They will probably use the same system that my current employers do, I don’t have to be involved other than to give them my bank account info.

They did ask that the first two weeks are an open audition.

Which is no big shakes, my current family said the same thing then six months later were like, oh yeah, you work for us.

Heh.

Actually I don’t remember if we had a conversation at the end of the two week trial period, it was on.

They also want me to possibly squeeze in a day or two before I start.

I was like, that might be hard, but maybe.

I did feel a little overwhelmed at that point.

It’s a lot.

Work, working two different families, navigating a new job with a third family, all the interviewing and referrals and all of it.

I was tuckered out and zonked and I think the mom sensed it as she back pedaled a little bit to say of course, whatever you can do and you’d be compensated, etc.

I just had a looming picture of the next few months navigating all the places, and families and um, hello, full-time grad school.

It made my head spin.

And.

Right then and there, I knew I just had to do the next action in front of me, get my coat, confirm that I had the job, and let my new boss now I’m excited to get to work with them.

Three kids.

Six year old boy.

Four year old girl.

And.

Baby on the way.

I’m actually feeling really grateful for my little brood up in Noe Valley right now, as they are a group of three as well, I’m getting practice.

I am also really over the moon that a lot of my work with the family will be open to adventures, dropping off and picking up the kids from school, going to museums, The Academy of Sciences, parks.

I haven’t had that kind of autonomy with my current family.

There will be parents around, but not as much.

Dad works in Cupertino and mom has her own small business and has an office in the Mission.

Some days they may both be home, especially in the early months of the new baby.

But most days, I’ll be more free to come and go.

I’m so excited for that.

I have missed solo adventures with my charges.

It’s been a crazy full week and it’s just Wednesday.

I almost felt like canceling my pre-work appointments for the next two days, but I’m going to pony up and go.

I have an appointment to re-up my Healthy San Francisco coverage tomorrow before work.

I may get turned down and I have been tempted to not go because I think that I’m going to get turned down, but I need to show up and see what my options are.

And being an adult, I called today and made an appointment, expecting that I wouldn’t be able to get in until next week, but hey, no, they had an 11:30 a.m. available tomorrow.

Ok then.

Seems I need to deal with this.

And if I don’t get it, there will be other options, I’m sure.

Then Friday I have my appointment with my advisor that I had to reschedule due to last week’s phone snafu.

And you know work both those days.

And homework and whew.

I did actually get some homework done today at work, the baby napped and I was able to sit down and re-map my genogram for my Family Therapy class.

It was actually a lot of fun and I can see how it’s a great tool for family therapy.

I will probably use it in my practice.

I did a tiny bit of reading, I mean tiny, but I opened a book and did some.

And really, I can’t beat myself up.

I wrote this morning, I showered and breakfasted and did my daily routine, I worked a full day, I did homework, I went and did a second interview for a new job.

It was a day.

I am so not beating myself up for not having done more.

I did enough.

I would have liked to have gotten to see my people tonight, I had planned on at least showing up, even if it was late, but the interview went long–which, duh is obviously a good thing.

But.

I’ll see my peeps tomorrow and I’m going to be happy for it.

Happy too, once this all sinks in that I’m off the market.

I don’t have to look for work.

Work came looking for me.

I mean, I still had to show up for the process, but it’s almost complete.

Tomorrow I will get to tell my current family and be grateful for everything they have done for me.

I mean.

The mom referred me to this new situation.

I am thankful.

Grateful as fuck.

Seriously.

And it will be nice to give them a big fat notice so that we can navigate the saying of goodbyes.

It’s never easy, but it helps to give the kids a big amount of time to get used to the idea.

I don’t think it will be good-bye forever though, the families go to the same private school, they have play dates together, the moms know each other, there will be overlapping.

It’s a good solution.

I am a lucky lady.

Tired.

But very lucky.

Luckiest girl in the world.

Got a new job.

Yes.

Yes.

She did.

Off The Market?

October 5, 2016

The job market that is.

Not the dating market.

Still single and available for dating.

Just not chasing anyone down and not asking for a date and not using a dating app or website or anything.

Just word of mouth.

Anyway.

Fuck I digress.

I had an informal interview today that was really basically an interview.

The referral was so strong I didn’t even bring a resume with me.

The mom I interviewed with has kids that go to the same private school as the family I currently work for, in fact, for the two families I currently work for.

I guess you could say we’re keeping it in the family.

The mom I interviewed with reached out to my current employer and asked after me.

I guess it was in the air.

I’m awful glad they did and I am really grateful that I was able to clear things with my employer weeks ago and start a dialogue about moving forward.

The mom that reached out for my services originally mentioned that the family was looking for 30 hours a week in the initial e-mail that was sent to introduce me.

Not enough.

And that’s exactly what I told her in a reply.

I’m looking for 35-40 hours.

She responded that she’d still really like to meet and I figured, sure, its practice and maybe there might be room for me to help them and my current family.

Except!

Maybe I won’t need to.

Once we had gotten ourselves settled down outside a little coffee shop in the Mission, I have a sidebar I want to put in here so bad, but I’m going to hold off for a moment, it came out that the family is actually looking for 35-40 hours.

Well hello.

We talked about school, mine, my obligations, my long-term goals.

It turned out she was softly feeling out how long I would want to be with a family.

Um.

As long as fucking possible.

I still have a year and a half to go on my degree, but 1,000s, literally, 3,000, hours of interning that I have to do before I can take the licensing boards and start a practice of my own.

I mean I’m still looking at a five-year process.

It takes time, but nothing worth having, I remind myself comes easily, there is always work to be done and the work put in makes the reward even sweeter.

She wants long term with at minimum a year commitment, in fact we did talk longevity spanning some years.

Dude, I’m so down for that.

We talked about family background, the family is European, and about how schools in Europe do things differently as well as maternity leave and how long they have it there versus the US.

The mom is pregnant and due in December.

Yes.

Sweet.

Sagittarius baby.

I’m a December baby too you know.

The family is looking for a start in January.

I’m looking for a start in January!

They have two other children, 4 and 6, the same ages as the boys I work with now, in fact both sets of siblings have the other families kids in their respective classes at school.

The mom said she really didn’t need a resume from me, having seen me work with the boys, they have been over for play dates and although I cannot for the life of me remember the play date, I guess the mom had a really good memory of it.

Very flattered.

“Plus, sometimes you just know, and you are obviously so good with children, you sort of ooze it,” she said with a sweet smile.

Super flattered.

We talked about the five Fridays in the Spring semester I would be unable to work.

No problem.

The mom is part-time in her work, owns her own business, she’d be able to cover those Friday.

And.

Dad is well.

Let’s just say dad is tech and leave it at that.

I’ll be signing a confidentiality agreement and a contract.

We absolutely agreed on both.

“I’m Trustline certified, plus M________ ran a background check on me before they hired me and also, my school has done a criminal back ground check–a requirement for starting my practicum….” I paused, man it’s nice to not have any shit out there.

The mom basically was like, yup, I know all that too.

I am pretty sure she’s had a few talks with my current employer, especially since they had a play date yesterday while I was with the other family I’m helping out in Noe Valley.

So.

After a lot of talking, a lot of agreement on play, outdoors, adventures, schooling, my goals, etc.

We got down to it.

We talked compensation.

We talked holidays.

“Oh!” I said, I had almost, not quite, forgot, “I need to be transparent and let you know I just bought a ticket to Paris for May (7 month notice should suffice),” I said and gave her the dates.

“No problem,” she replied, “vacations are important!”

Oh my God.

We set a date for me to come over to the house and meet the husband and re-meet the two oldest children.

It was to be two weekends from this weekend-they family is going to be out-of-town.

Except.

Heh.

I got a message from the mom when I got home thanking me for taking the time to meet and that they have decided as a family that they want to meet with me sooner.

Am I available any time sooner than the day we had settled on?

Oh damn Skippy straight I am.

I almost said let’s do it tomorrow!

But.

I have commitments and I am helping a friend with a commitment as well, so no to tomorrow.  Really the only day I can is Thursday, but I said I could, absolutely and hey, I might be officially off the job market by the end of the week.

I sure hope so.

It would be really nice to have it wrapped up and not have any questions moving forward.

It would also let me give my current employers a really fat notice and maybe, just maybe I’ll schedule myself a little down time in between jobs, take a week off.

Celebrate the end of the semester and the beginning of a New Year.

Not counting my chickens until they hatch.

But.

Man.

It felt really, really good, and I really like the mom.

I could have a new job lined up.

Soon.

I’ll keep you posted!

Believe it.

This Is Actually Happening

February 25, 2016

Holy shit.

Sometimes things do really just fall the hell into place.

I got a job offer for playa nanny this morning.

Granted, there are things to work out, logistics, meeting the family, etc.

But.

After a half hour conversation we’re pretty much in agreement.

I’m going to Burning Man.

I’M GOING TO BURNING MAN!!

I’M….

Ok.

Well.

Ha.

You can tell I’m freaking excited.

Plus, despite always wanting a little more time for myself to go and play, I really do feel connected when I am being of service.

Nannying on playa is definitely being of service.

The negotiating that I really need to do is going to be with the family I am currently employed with.

I would be taking it as unpaid time off as when I head off to my school retreat for a week I will be using the last of my vacation time with them.

They were really amenable with me about it last year.

I think perhaps because the mom has gone a number of times and also, I do a damn good job with their boys and I didn’t have a single sick day last year, nor have I had one ever, since I have started working for them.

I did take sick time to go see my father when he was in a coma up in Anchorage.

Hell.

My family flew me there on their dime.

And I had only been working for them for a few months at that point.

I am not too worried that they will be able to be flexible with me.

I certainly am with them.

For instance.

Tomorrow I’m staying a half hour late so they can handle some neighborhood duties.

Then Friday, the boys don’t have school, so I agreed to come in 10a.m.-6p.m. versus the 1p.m.-8p.m. the rest of my week normally is.

Anyway.

I am over the moon.

I’ll get the ticket, the early arrival pass, looks like they want 8-9 days on playa, a great location–on the Esplanade! Where I have never camped before.  The camp is big and has it’s own set up–kitchen, shower trailer, I’d be put up in A/C and not have to worry about a trailer or RV or, god forbid, a tent aka a dust coffin, plus a ride there and back.

And compensation for my time.

I told them what I make as a nanny for my current family and I believe we are going to negotiate a flat rate, they need steady flexibility more than they need an eight hour straight shift, I said I can be their on call person, and I will have time off to go do the deal.

I was very upfront with that need.

I have to do some regular check ins either at Stella, Run Free, or Anonymous Village.

Because that’s how I roll.

And I’m a better nanny for it.

Believe me.

Pinch me.

It’s the last week in February and I’ve got my playa happening.

I’ve been writing about it now, as I mentioned previously, for a few weeks now.

I think I got a Jack Rabbit Speaks and there was something in it about a tax or thing that the BLM wanted to charge the event and I recalled thinking, damn, it’s time to get my ducks in a row regarding the event and figure out how I’m going.

I mean.

There was never really a question that I was going to go.

I knew I was.

Just not sure how.

I remember with great fondness one of my dear friends hugging me fiercely at the going away party I had in Dolores Park before I moved to Paris saying to me, “I’ll see you at Burning Man.”

I was like.

Of course you will!

I don’t know how, since I’m moving to France, but yes, of course, I’ll be there.

And.

Ha.

I was.

In fact, the person who referred me to the family that needs help this upcoming event, was the family I worked for when I got back.

Funny enough, I had already met the mom and dad and the oldest sibling and the grandmother at Lightening in a Bottle a few years ago and had gotten introduced to them in regards to hey, this is a person you should chat with about bringing kids to Burning Man.

And voila.

A few years later.

Here I am getting approached by them.

I love Burning Man.

You might have figured this out.

I am a Burner.

Yup.

One of those people.

And in my own small, rather sweet, if I may say so, way I am a contributor.

Nope.

I don’t built the art or make the music.

But once in a while you may see me dancing in camp to my own private song and feel for a moment that you too can dance.

Or maybe you’ll see me on the street and I’ll point the way forward.

Or best of all.

I will get to look after the littlest ones, the babies and toddlers, the young shining faces, brush away the dust, you will see the shine, so the mom’s and dad’s can go do their work.

I support the people that bring you the event.

And I am damn proud of that.

I’m not one of a kind, there are more playa nannies than one would imagine.

It takes a village, a huge village, to plan that thing out in the desert.

I get to go home again.

I am so thrilled.

Shameless with delight.

One day I will get married out there and my family, my friends, my children, all the soft, trusting hands in my hand, all the strolls through Center Camp Cafe, all the braids and flowers in the hair, all the joy, will accompany me out to the base of the Calico Mountains and sing me forward.

I know exactly how hokey that sounds.

And I don’t give a flying fuck.

It’s all about the love and the giving back.

I get to do both and get taken care of.

Glorious.

This life of mine.

LUcKIEST FUCKING GIRL IN THE WORLD.

Seriously.

 

And I Got A Job!

August 7, 2014

With people who you would think I would know.

I mean.

We know so many of the same people it was kind of spooky.

But spooky in a really wonderful, awesome kind of way.

They are friends with the folks of my first infamous nanny share–Reno and the Junebug.

They are friends with my darling friends in the Mission over yonder and they are Burning Man people.

Thank you Universe for Burning Man people.

“I can’t believe we haven’t met you before,” the mom said, shaking her head a little in disbelief.

I didn’t even need to send them my references–they had just gotten back from a family vacation with my personal reference, and they knew both sets of parents from my first share.

It felt like family right off the bat.

Loads of books, music, art, a big rambling flat in the Lower Haight.

And a scrumptious bunny rabbit with the cutest little toes ever.

I wanted to munch them.

There is just something divine about baby toes, especially baby girl toes, oomph, such sweet goodness.

The eyes, big, blue, saucers of curiosity, and her big dazzling smile, won me right over.

They understand about me going to Burning Man, since all of the aforementioned folks, them included, are Burners, they even had my favorite poster up on their kitchen wall–the one from the Metropolis themed Burning Man.

Love that poster.

The location, pretty damn perfect too–close to Duboce Park, the Alamo Square Park, and not to far out from the Kids Kingdom park in the Pan Handle.

Plus, I already know how long it takes to ride my bike to that neighborhood–about 25 minutes–from my house, although it may take a bit longer since it’s been two months since I have been on my bike.

I can only imagine that my legs are going to be screaming the first week I get back on my one speed again.

The only drawback, and it’s not even a drawback, is that they don’t have another family to do a share with and a share is what they want and what I want.

I make more money.

The family gets a financial break.

I also find that a share is better for socializing the kids and it’s more fun too.

Then the not a drawback, drawback, dawns on me as an opportunity to be a benefit to my current little boy in Cole Valley.

I threw it out there as a suggestion that we could all work together until they found a suitable share.

My little guy in Cole Valley is 2 and a half and the family I met with last night want, and I do too, a share with a child more her age, which is just shy of one.

The mom in Cole Valley has a contract with the organization until October.

I posited that perhaps we could all do a share together until her contract ends and that will give my new family a chance to take the next few months to find an appropriate fit for their little girl.

“We also want to make sure that you like the family!” The mom exclaimed.

Lady, I liked you on sight, but now I think I love you.

It made me feel so good to hear that they would be taking my needs into consideration and that they really respected me as a nanny.

Plus, the mom gave me the best compliment when I told her what had happened with my littlest guy getting into pre-school so early.

“Well, that’s a huge compliment to you,” the mom said, “you realize you must have had a huge part of that.”

I won’t argue how much or how little, it’s not my place, and it doesn’t feel right, but I know I had some hand in it and it felt so nice to have the acknowledgement and to hear that she was expressing her frank opinion of my skills being top-notch.

I heard the respect in her voice for what I did and it made me aware of what an asset that really is, I mean, I know in my head, but it hit my heart.

She also asked, “do you want kids?”

“Sometimes, but I don’t have a partner, and I can’t imagine having a child without a partner,” then I paused and looked at her daughter who was eating a banana and going to town mashing it in her little paw, “and I have children, I am very lucky to have the children I have in my life, I will always have them.”

And then I got teary.

I laughed at myself, said something mildly self-deprecating about being emotional, but the mom waved it off, “no, no, I appreciate that so much, I love that you love what you do, it shows, and that’s what makes you great.”

Thanks mom!

Who knows how it’s all going to work out, but I do have faith that it is.

The transition for my guy in Cole Valley will happen, I will work a full-time nanny share and I will work where I need to work, the work is to be had.

I have gotten so many sweet compliments from the families I have worked for, on all sorts of social media channels and text messages, and just loads of love.

It feels pretty fucking awesome to be held in such light.

I hope to continue to deserve it.

I hope to continue doing what I do.

Giggling and signing (please, yes, no, love, banana, mama, papa, bottle, milk, drink, the always popular, “more,” stop, thank you, and my secret weapon–“toilet), and singing, and dancing and going to the park, and yes, going to Burning Man.

Who’s lucky?

This girl.

I mean.

This nanny.


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