A Day Off

To remember.

Nothing striking or out of the ordinary.

But just a lovely day.

A sweet day.

A day when the fog actually lifted and I saw some sunshine, surprisingly late in the day too, it cleared off around 6:30p.m. and was clear all the way through to sunset.

Albeit chilly, it was such a welcome reprieve from the constant summer fog that I made up my mind right quick to get out into that sunshine and eat it up.

I deserved a sunshiny walk on the beach.

I did a lot today.

Laundry, grocery shopping, cooked two separate meals, both lunch and dinner so that I would have plenty of food prepped for the week and then some to toss in the freezer.

I made a sort of jambalaya, my own edited version, with shredded roast chicken, shrimp, Andouille sausage, pork, corn, black olives, onion, garlic, brown rice, crushed tomatoes.

Super yummy and I froze 3/4s of it.

I ate a big bowl for lunch, put a couple of containers in the fridge for meals and I also roasted a chicken for dinner–I happily ate salt and pepper roasted chicken with tarragon butter and brown rice that I seasoned with turmeric, Spike, garlic, olive oil, salt and pepper–savory rice.

I love cooking and I love having a full fridge at the beginning of the week so I don’t have to squeeze in a shopping trip to the store when I am in the middle of a full tilt boogie schedule.

I also went to yoga and got my sweat on, super challenging class, I fell in one of the poses.

Splat!

On my belly and just laughed out loud.

So I feel, so what?

I tried the pose.

I am certain I will fall again, as long as I can laugh at myself, though, then I’m ok.

When I start taking myself to seriously then I know I am in trouble.

I met with a lady as well and did the deal and read and talked and fuck.

It was so good.

I called my person and had a good long check in.

I called a friend who’s going through a hard time and suffering a big loss.

I had a really nice and connected day.

I also took a car over to Cheap Pete’s and picked up my two prints that I brought back from Paris.

I am super happy with the way they turned out and I spent some time re-arranging the art on my walls to accommodate the new pieces.

I don’t have much space, but I think I arranged things well and I’m very pleased with the additions to my collection.

Very pleased.

I really do like my home.

It does feel like an extension of me, of my personality.

It is tiny, but it’s me and I am grateful for all the things I have and all the ways I get to express myself.

I also like that wherever I look there is something pretty to rest my eyes on.

This is my sanctuary and I adore it.

Sure.

I want more space.

But that will come when it comes.

I am experiencing this deepening of faith in places I never knew I needed to have deepened, seeing experiences and suddenly have the knowledge that though I did not know it at the time, I was exactly where I was supposed to be.

Seeing what I needed to see.

And being seen.

Regardless of my ignorance.

I was seen.

And all the things that have led me here were all the experiences I need to have.

So being in this little in-law at the edge of the city, by the edge of the sea, for whatever length of time I am supposed to be is quite fine by me.

I am happy.

I am warm.

My home is sweet and I have precious memories of every foot of it that make me smile when I least expect it.

I have been smiling a lot recently.

I repeat.

I am very happy.

And yes.

Life is full.

But I had such a restful day.

Yes, I did do a lot, but I found all sorts of down time too.

I read a little bit from a novel, novel that, reading something that is not psychology related, a John Updike novel I had gotten last year for my birthday.

My birthday is in December.

Ahem.

I don’t have much down time for pleasure reading, and sometimes I feel that I shouldn’t even, but in the end it was too delicious to not.

I also read a few more letters in the book of Chopin’s Letters that were sweet and nostalgia inducing.

I love the old language used, laced with bits of French.

Lines that caught my attention I underlined and starred, the turn of a phrase that I found enchanting or a sentiment that I echoed and felt stir me.

“I kiss you heartily.  Remember me as I remember you.”

And this.

“I wrote it only to arouse a pleasurable emotion, such as greetings usually produce.”

How often have I written something just for the pleasurable emotion of the writing?

So often.

And.

“I press you to my lips and say goodbye till we meet.”

And.

“Give me a kiss, My Life.”

I love how he capitalized “My Life,” how important the person to whom he is writing becomes as I read the letter.

I sat in the sun on my back porch and read these letters and glowed.

Then.

Yes.

I decided it was time for a walk on the beach and it was as I had hoped.

Deserted.

The all day long fog and chilly breezy had deterred most of the city from even bothering with going out to the beach.

I saw one tourist family picnicking.

A father and son in wetsuits with boogie boards.

A couple walking a dog.

A paddle boarder out in the surf.

And me.

There was no one there.

Me, the sand, the ocean, God.

It was beautiful.

I walked the surf, rolled my jeans up, they are still a little damp hours later where a high tide splashed me, stuck my flip-flops in my basket bag and collected seashells.

Yes.

I did.

I collected shells.

Shush.

That’s the kind of girl I am.

I write poetry and collect sea shells and I am just fine with that.

I get to be many, many, many things.

And now that my well is replenished.

I will go back to being a nanny and a therapist.

The week is full.

But full in a good way.

Thank you Sunday for your gifts.

I feel that Monday and I shall be great friends just from the beautiful reprieve I had today and all the things I got to do to take care of myself.

Luckiest damn girl in the world.

Seriously.

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A Reprieve

Not a big one.

But enough of one that my entire body just felt so relaxed I could have melted into a puddle on the floor after I received the message.

Which had just come after I had done a yoga class.

So.

Melting on the floor might have been an entirely appropriate response.

Side bar.

Creeper yoga body aches.

Holy shit.

I left yoga thinking, that was hard, but not bad, and I feel great and maybe an hour or so later I started to get sore and I was like, oh hello, muscles that have never been used before, and an hour after that, holy shit.

I am sore.

Sore.

Sore.

But in a good way.

In that way that means I worked out, even if it didn’t feel like it, even when I fell out of the poses, even when I laughed or just couldn’t get it.

And when I did get it.

That was nice too.

But yeah, so sore that I completely re-thought going to class tomorrow morning.

Instead.

Oh.

End side bar.

Instead I am getting up early to write my second paper.

Yup.

Like that.

And the reprieve?

I found out today that the third paper I need to have written for this upcoming weekend of classes is not actually due until the 12th, two days after the weekend ends.

Granted.

I would much rather have it done before I go to class on Friday, but the odds are not great that I will and also be able to go to work and do the deal and maybe sneak in one more yoga class before the tsunami of graduate school swoops in and scoops me up and what the hell happened to the rest of the world and how is it Monday and I’m back at work?

I have to get my second paper written, no matter what, and yes, I know, I could be writing it right now, but frankly I would rather masturbate.

“You don’t know who could be reading your blogs!” My friend said to me.

Sometimes I forget that.

He’s right.

I don’t.

But I also could really stand to get laid.

Seriously.

And since my schedule is on the tight side, I can do a little self-care.

Wink, wink.

Nudge, nudge.

Besides.

I am not in the school paper writing mode.

I am just not.

I did do school work today, before and after yoga, and I got things organized and looked through notes.

So.

Tomorrow up early and writing and getting the ideas on paper that I need to cover.

I can finish it tomorrow night.

Unless I’m making out with someone.

You never know.

I have faith.

Heh.

And I have a little more time.

For which I am grateful, to write that third paper, and frankly, I am glad for it, I really feel like I need to hear the professor lecture on the topic one more time to solidify what I want to write about.

And the nice thing about work on Monday?

It’s not really work.

My family will be on Spring Break visiting relatives out of state.

I will be going to the house to open it up for the housekeeper and while she’s cleaning, I will sit at the kitchen table and write my Psychodynamics paper.

I have to be at the house from 9a.m.-2p.m.

I did leave the last time they asked me to do this when they were out on vacation, I went to Ritual, I got coffee, I ate lunch out, I ran some errands, and I popped in and out of the house until the housekeeper had finished.

Then by 2p.m. I’ll be free.

I will have the paper finished and I will have the rest of the day off.

I may be doing a meet and greet with the family that I am working for at Burning Man.

They will be visiting the bay area and want to re-establish our connection.

I met them originally at Lightening in a Bottle a few years ago, but until the outreach via a common friend, I haven’t seen them since and they have a new baby in the mix.

Delicious, I love me a new baby.

And a three and a half year old little girl.

I figure that will be about an hour or two and then I’ll be free.

Free from school work, at least for a few days, I will still have one more weekend of classes to go before the end of the semester, and from work until Wednesday.

I’ll have the 1/2 day Monday, then all Tuesday off.

I have been asked to a speaking engagement Tuesday eve, so that’s on the plate, but nothing else.

I could go on a date.

I could get laid.

Dude.

My friend laughed at me Sunday when he popped in for an hour to hang out.

“You can totally come over, but I have school work, so you can keep me company while i cook.”

I actually made him go grocery shopping with me too, it was fun.

We caught up.

His relationship.

My lack of relationship and no problem with it, I am not a maniac, or that demanding and selfish that I think someone is going to swoop in and want to play fiddle to my crazy schedule.

That being said, sex should and can get squeezed in there.

I believe that anyway.

And if not that.

Well.

Ha.

There’s always yoga.

And maybe a day at Kabuki?

Some spa action, some hot tub, some steaming in the sauna.

I still have a lot of work a head of me and that’s fine, but I can feel that it will all get done and I can see the work and really.

REALLY.

I have written 15 page papers the night before they are due.

I do not recommend it.

But I can do it.

No.

I would prefer to get my sleep, get some sex, have a nice breakfast in the morning, write my morning pages, pray, do my job well, and then deal with school.

I am super grateful that I am in graduate school, but I don’t want it to be the only thing happening in my life.

That being said.

I got to get.

I want to go to bed early so I can get this next paper in the can.

And I want to um.

Heh.

Relax a little before I go to bed.

Night.