Being Proactive

I got a lot done today!

I also forgot a couple of times what day of the week it is.

Heh.

It is not often that I have the luxury of forgetting what day of the week it is, but I did today.

It was sort of nice to just do the next thing in front of me and let go of the results.

Life goes pretty smooth when I do that.

I am happy to report I got up and went to yoga.

Two days in a row!

And despite having the next few days “free” in the mornings, I won’t make another yoga class until Thursday or possibly Friday.

The classes available don’t quite fit my schedule.

A schedule that does have a few time slots of delicious opening, but that I have made some time to see friends and do lunches, grab coffees, catch up and connect.

I’d rather connect with friends right now than worry about making another yoga class appear in my schedule.

Suffice to say.

I am glad I went though, it felt good and I felt good for going.

I also did meet with a lady today and do the deal and I got a lot of work done to apply for the paid internship that I have been researching.

Namely.

I updated my resume for the position and I reached out to two supervisors to write me letters of recommendation.

Both gave me a resounding yes they would be happy to do so.

That felt really good.

I’m about half way done with what the application requires for the internship.

There’s a lot they want to see.

The rest of it is a matter of sitting down and doing some writing and figuring out a mission statement for myself and my vision of a private practice.

Fortunately, in my last semester one of my classes, Integrative Seminar, made a big point about this and I feel like all I have to do is go back through the notes I took to be able to give the internship what it’s looking for.

I also have to do a business plan.

That feels a little more challenging, but they have some templates and I’ve been reading over everything and I believe I can come up with something that will do the job.

It is certainly good practice no matter what comes of it.

I do feel good about the internship though, my friend whom I spoke to about it really felt that I would be a good fit and after speaking with her, I feel the same.

I also have to acknowledge that in the 8 days since I found out the internship that I thought I would have had fallen through I have done a lot of footwork to find a new one.

I have researched and reached out.

I had a coffee date to sit with my friend and find out if it was a good fit for me.

I reached out to two supervisors for letters of recommendation.

I also reached out to the woman who I was going to intern with and asked her if she still had any interest in renting out office space to me.

I don’t know that it makes sense for me to rent my own office.

In fact.

I don’t think that I could afford it.

Hell.

When I look at what’s available on craigslist as I navigate through my current living situation, I can’t afford what’s out there to rent, let alone a full-time office space.

The best bet for me is to do what my friend does, she shares the office she works out of with another therapist.  She’s in her office two days a week with clients, the other five days the licensed MFT is using it.

I figure that the woman who was going to supervise me does have office space availability, I mean she did when we talked and unless something has changed she probably still does.

Thus the email inquiry.

I also asked if she might still want to supervise me, but under the auspices of the internship who would pay her the rent on the office and pay her a fee for supervision and then the internship with take out admin fees from my account and whatever is left over would be my paycheck.

It will probably take some months before I even get money, but if I do it right and I work at it in a steady way, I could be making a decent amount after about half a year.

Not enough to quit being a nanny, not by far, but enough to help pay the bills and maybe go down to part-time nannying instead of full-time.

Of course.

I also have my school program coming up to contend with.

I have been thinking it will be much like my Masters degree the last year of it, working pretty much full-time as a nanny for my current family, seeing clients after work, and then doing my homework on the weekends.

I will slowly accrue hours.

And that will be alright.

As long as I’m not stagnating.

It’s work, but work towards an end goal.

And I really like being a therapist.

It feels good and right and it feels like this is how I bring more love into the world.

I saw the Mister Rogers movie, “Won’t You Be My Neighbor” today with my person.

It was so good.

I was so happy he persuaded me to put aside our recovery work for an afternoon and just go duck into a movie theater and watch an amazing movie.

If you haven’t seen it, go!

It was astounding.

And I grew up watching Mister Rogers, so it felt especially poignant.

I also appreciated it and the principles of spirituality, basic child psychology, inclusion, and love that he was obviously basing his life work around.

It was a beautiful movie and I left feeling hopeful and happy that as things progress it’s all going to work out.

I just have to keep love in my heart and be honest in my person.

I have faith I can do that.

I really do.

Choices, Options, Decisions

Home.

It was just to come home.

And I was very much ok with the coming home.

In fact.

I danced around my home feeling pretty happy and complete.

I had a good day at work.

I had a great meeting of the minds after work.

I got asked out to dinner.

And this time I got the feeling it was more than for just fellowship.

I said yes.

I don’t know when we’re going to go, but I feel like we will be going soon.

He had a cold or we might have grabbed a bite tonight.

I decided to opt out of going to my friend’s birthday dinner.

I was already half way towards home and super hungry.

I just couldn’t fathom turning my scooter back around, going the other direction into Friday night end of the week cocktail traffic and doing a late sushi dinner.

I was too hungry.

I figured the best thing to do was ping my friend, extend my happy birthday wishes and head home to eat some tasty dinner here.

I just did and I am quite pleased.

I am also pleased as I have paid my rent for February and I bought myself a few things online from ModCloth for new interview clothes.

Why?

Because I’ll be interviewing soon.

How do I know that?

I got a response to my resume and cover letter this morning!

Hi Carmen!

Thank you so much for your resume and info. I recall meeting you at the practicum fair.

It does look like you might be a great match for our therapeutic community here. I’d like to invite you in for a casual interview.

Please let me know some days and time-frames that would work for you and we’ll schedule a casual interview.

Thanks! 

Whoa.

I had completely forgotten I had even applied.

Hahaha.

The e-mail this morning caught me off guard.

I was not looking for it, just checking my e-mail as I had breakfast and was enjoying some coffee, thinking about what I might me doing this weekend and my plans had changed when I discovered I had gotten my period.

Yeah.

TMI.

Fuck you.

But no, there will be no fucking me.

Canoodle session canceled.

Which I am alright with.

I realized after I had gotten this e-mail.

I am going to need to do some shopping for some interview clothes tomorrow!

Yippee!

I like clothes shopping when I’m in the mood and I have to say, I’m in the mood now.

Hehe.

Super excited.

And fingers crossed we will be doing the interview soon as I would really love to nail down my practicum site and not proceed forward with more open houses and more applications and more interviews.

I responded with times and days and fingers crossed I’ll hear back soon.

I also contacted the third year student in my program, he’s the person who recommended the place to me, and said, I got asked in for a casual interview, any suggestions?

He said, “just go in and be your fabulous self.”

Well fuck.

I can do that.

And though it will be casual, whatever that means, I do feel like I want to show up nicely dressed and coiffed.

Really what it comes down to is that I need a pair of nice flats.

I don’t have a single pair of flats.

Oh.

I have tennis shoes.

Converse and a pair of Saucony.

And I have my boots.

But I don’t see wearing rain boots.

Or.

My Burning Man boots.

Um no.

Then I have a couple of pairs of heels, but I don’t have the appropriate interview attire to go with them, they were bought for dresses which I feel are too dressy for the interview.

And I have plenty of wedges and platforms.

But walking into an interview in 4 inch Mary Jane black suede platforms might be just a bit too much fabulous.

I figure I need to hop over to Macy’s downtown and grab a pair of D’Orsay flats from Nine West, they carry my size and they’re not super expensive, plus they’re cute and I can wear them with other outfits.

Then maybe I pop into Banana Republic and grab a nice pair of slacks or a long skirt, a simple button down and maybe a blazer jacket.

Nothing too fancy, but clean, simple, pulled together.

The site is in the Mission and it’s a Community Therapy model, so I don’t think any one is going to be over concerned with my outfit, but I know that it’s better to come in looking tidy then roll up in jeans and Converse.

Even if I end up doing the practicum hours in jeans and Converse, which is a likelihood, I will feel better being well suited for the first get together.

I’m going to get up, go to a 9 a.m. yoga class.

Shower.

Breakfast.

Coffee.

Scooter up to 7th and Irving, meet my person at Tart to Tart at 12:15p.m.

Then another lady at 1:15p.m.

Lunch.

Then a manicure and some lunch.

After lunch I’ll head downtown and do the shopping.

Hopefully it won’t take too long and then I’ll head to the NOPA do the deal and maybe if I’m feeling it, hang out and do some fellowship, grab dinner at Brenda’s if folks are going out.

Sunday will be yoga, taxes, homework, cooking for the week, reading, write a paper.

And if I get it all done I will be taking the suggestion to go see a movie.

I may not though.

And I’ll be ok with that.

I did promise myself that since I wasn’t going out tonight to my friend’s birthday gig I would try to get out tomorrow and connect with people.

Keep myself from isolating and be in the stream of life.

Because I suspect I’ll be starting practicum soon and I want to have some fun to balance out all the school stuff.

And though there is more work to do.

I am excited.

I am happy I got a response to my resume.

And.

I’m happy I got asked out to dinner.

Yes.

Yes I am.

Force Quit

I can only deal with the spinning ball of doom for so long.

I forced a quit on my Word document.

No biggie.

Just the resume I had spent the last two hours working on.

Ugh.

So not cool.

So not happy about that.

And.

So not prepared to go back and re-do the resume.

Not right now.

It’s too late.

I did, however, get the cover letter done and saved and I have now written out a full resume in detail.

I know what I need to say.

I know how to format it.

I was literally about to click on the spell check and the little death ball started to go.

I am not pleased by this turn of events, but there’s not a whole lot to do right now.

It’s not an emergency.

Yes.

I really had hoped that before I was sitting down to write this blog I would be able to report a successful launching off into the ether my resume and cover letter for the practicum site that contacted me on Friday.

But.

Twas not to be so.

And I was going to start crying.

That’s a default go to when I’m mad sometimes too.

But instead.

I washed the dinner dishes.

I started some water for a cup of tea.

And I took a deep breath.

Crinkle, crinkle, crinkle.

What the hell is that?

Then I realized.

Ha.

I hadn’t taken off the bandage from my tattoo earlier today.

Yup.

I got my twelfth star upon my neck.

Well, technically it’s not on my neck.

It’s on my clavicle.

And yes.

Yes.

That did hurt.

Yes it did.

I always find that amusing, when folks ask, “ooh, did that hurt?”

Sometimes they do, sometimes they don’t, depending on where the tattoo is and at what phase in the tattooing one is at.

The body kicks out some adrenalin and the pain gets annihilated pretty quick and then the meditation begins.

I say the Serenity Prayer on a loop in my head when I’m getting a tattoo.

I know.

That’s crazy town.

Who the fuck says prayers while getting tattooed?

I do.

It works.

I sort of go into a slight meditative trance and I zonk out a little.

I don’t feel the pain.

It’s pretty fucking cool.

I felt this one though and was happy it was a smaller star and that the work wasn’t too long.

I was under the gun for less than a half hour.

Although it felt longer.

Time gets a wee bit plastic when I’m getting tattooed.

It looks great.

I’m super happy with it.

And I had a little time after I got done to head to Maxfield’s House of Caffeine and crank out a little homework reading before meeting a friend for tea and then heading over to do the deal at Dolores and Dorland.

It was great to catch up and I am grateful we made the time in both our busy schedules.

I heard just what I needed to hear and then hopped in a car back here, heated up some dinner and started working on my cover letter and resume.

I am bummed that the little death ball started rolling.

Super bummed.

I feel like there is probably a solution to fixing the Word document.

I think it needs to be updated to my MacBook Air, which might be the problem.

When I first opened it I got a little notice, but I wasn’t paying it any attention and just zoomed ahead.

I rather wish, now, that I had paid some attention.

Eep.

OH!

Oh yes!

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!

Ha.

I decided I would try to re-open the Word document, just to see if maybe I might find it somewhere and voila!

The application retrieved my previous work.

Yes!

I just managed to spell check it, edit it.

And.

YES!

I sent it off.

Done.

It’s done.

I don’t know if it’s done fantastically.

I’m sure there could be improvements.

But.

I really feel good about what I wrote and how I put together my resume.

On one hand I have no relevant experience, I’m in graduate school, this is my first stab at applying to intern and I don’t have any clinical experience.

Except.

Holy moly.

You remember that little reference to twelve stars and doing the deal and all that.

Yeah.

Like that.

I have over a decade of experience being of service in the community, I have volunteered my time, happily I might add, for many a service position and I have worked one on one, week after week, month after month, years after years, with many women.

I have been super fortunate to be so situated that I have gotten to be a part of a big, beautiful, vibrant, amazing community.

You bet your ass that’s relevant experience in the field.

And.

Um, yeah.

Nanny for ten years and maybe I could say that I have some experience seeing how the dynamics of family systems work.

Just maybe a little insight there.

I was pretty forthcoming and it felt right.

And it’s done.

I have officially sent out my first resume and cover letter towards internship.

Feels pretty fucking good.

I’m happy I got the work done and I’m really happy I was able to retrieve it.

And yes.

It’s been properly saved.

I suspect I have to do some sort of update for the Word application to work well, it’s from 2011 so yeah, that’s probably what’s happening.

I shall figure it out.

I need to for sure, I will be writing more papers and this won’t be the first resume I send out.

Not by a long shot.

And each cover letter will be different, depending on what site I apply to.

So, definitely a need to rectify that.

But not a need to do it tonight.

Nope.

My weekend is done.

And now it’s time to have one last cup of tea and an apple and maybe catch a few minutes of a show before calling it a night.

What a nice way to end my day.

Seriously.

My Bunny Slipper

Game is on hard tonight.

I mean.

It’s happening.

And so too, the softest, fuzziest, warmest socks I could pull out of the drawer.

I changed socks three times today.

Will this be the year that I finally buy rain boots?

It might.

Even if it’s just in preparation for the next rainy season.

Especially if I should be staying with my current family, which I plan on doing so, I do like them quite a bit.

I’m out a lot in the elements, I was much of today, going to school pick up, coming home from school with my charge, then again tonight after work, it was wicked.

I was going to hire a car and then the pool cost was over $20 and I was like, fuck that, no, I’ll wait on the train.

And the train was fine, but I got wet again, even with my umbrella and many layers, not having rain boots, my shoes did get wet and when that happens and the cold toes, yikes it takes forever to get warmed back up.

Working on it.

Like I said, the bunny slippers are out in full force and that helps, plus, lighting up all the candles in the house and yes, I just made a nice fresh, hot cup of tea.

Thank God for tea.

I remember when I eschewed it, now I carry the shit with me.

I laughed today when I was packing up my personal bag for work, I am discovering that I need to re-think my bag plan a little, carrying a purse is oh, so very adult, but not really handy I’m finding when I’m out and about a lot in the rain with the charges and taking trains and carrying extra umbrellas and rain jackets and little miniature pack backs and snacks and water and shit.

I’m like a walking snack factory.

My really nice, for me, Hobo purse, is getting beat the fuck up.

So, I decided to switch it out and use one of my messenger bags.

And I discovered a secret cache of tea bags in one of the pockets.

“That’s where that went!” I exclaimed and chuckled.

Now if only I can figure out where I lost my expensive prescription sunglasses.

Yeah.

They are lost.

I think maybe at school?

I carry them in my bag with in a case that I keep a cleaning cloth in and the last time I can remember using said cloth was over the school weekend.

I should give the front desk a call tomorrow.

I may not wear the sunglasses much, but when it’s sunny and I’m outdoors, I do like having them and they were really expensive, maybe the most I have ever spent on a pair of glasses, so yeah, um, I’d like those back.

Speaking of making phone calls.

I called and left a message at one of the practicum sites I am going to apply to.

Hoping to hear back by the weekend and do some follow-up as to what they are looking for in a MFT intern (Marriage/Family Therapist) and what I need to do to apply to the site.

The information on their website says cover letter and resume.

I can do that.

But I also met the person who runs the institute in person at the practicum fair last year, so I wanted to speak more with him, I left the message for him and I’ll be awaiting further instruction.

I will also be working on putting together my stuff, resume, cv, cover letter, this weekend, I have looked over the information the school has up on its website and hopefully I should be able to knock out a decent one before I go into my first open house next Wednesday.

Yep.

Next Wednesday.

A week from today.

I will be attending my first open house at the CIIS Church Street site.

Church and 30th.

Two and a half blocks from my job.

Not bad if you can get it.

Fingers crossed.

I don’t believe that I need a resume and cover letter ready to go for the open house, but I feel like it might be really handy if I did, if it turns out they are willing to accept them in person.

It would feel good to hand one over.

And the site is being managed and supervised by a professor and TA that I worked with last year at the “retreat” in Petaluma before the fall semester started.

I am fairly certain they will remember me and I feel that it would be a good show of my commitment and desire to work with them by having all my materials ready to hand over when I show up Wednesday.

The rain it shall continue through the week and weekend and perhaps this is for the best, drought status and all this last few years, as well as helping me knuckle down and get the work done.

I mean.

I typically do, I’m not too much of a slacker around that, but yes, staying on top of things is nice.

I got my last book in the mail today when I got home and read through the book material that I got yesterday to get me caught up.

So, I’m making some nice steady progress.

And.

I am just about warmed up.

Bunny slippers and tea to the rescue!

Maybe too I’ll take a little time tonight and hunt and peck about for some rain boots.

I just checked the weather.

Solid rain not just through the weekend, but into next week as well.

Sigh.

I am glad I covered up my scooter this morning.

I don’t think I’ll be using her this week, maybe not for a week, actually, if the weather forecast is correct.

Yup.

It might just be time to succumb to the ugly boot store and get myself something to keep my feet warm.

Looking cute can be sexy.

But feeling cold and wet is not.

Feeling warm and cozy, in my bunny slippers, might just be the sexiest thing yet.

Seriously.

You should check them out.

They rock.

Chili In A Pot

Naps on the bed.

You read that right.

This lady took a nap today.

Once a year sort of thing.

I cuddled under my grandmother’s afghan and said, screw reading any more for school, I need to rest my eyes.

It was divine.

Delicious.

Sublime.

I had chili simmering on the stove.

I really like cooking and it’s nice to have a little something simmering all day long and tis the season for the comforting smells and snuggling in blankets.

Oh.

And in case you’re wondering.

The day AFTER Thanksgiving is the best time in the entire year to go shopping at SafeWay.

My God.

It was a ghost town.

I wasn’t planning on doing any shopping today except for groceries and it was a very pleasant surprise to have nary a soul in the store with me, to get in line, to not wait, to get out the door fast and efficient.

Lovely.

I also went to yoga today and that class was small too.

It kicked my ass though, which I think may have accounted for the needing to rest and have a nap this afternoon.

Aside from that I didn’t do a whole lot.

I made some phone calls.

I did my morning writing.

The aforementioned yoga.

Groceries.

Cooking.

And.

Yes.

Lots of reading for school.

I started in on my Psychopathology class and that might have been what put me to sleep.

Heh.

It’s dense material.

Really dense.

And I’m pretty damn grateful that I have had so much time to do the reading, it will facilitate me being ready to write my final papers and concentrate on my last projects for school semester.

It has been a gift.

That and to continue to address the laundry that I need to stay on top of.

I have my second treatment at Hair Fairies tomorrow at 9:30 a.m.

I’m ready for this.

I want to take care of it and move the fuck on.

It’s supposed to rain, which precludes me taking my scooter, but I’ll hop in a car and get over there first thing in the morning and get it dealt with and out of the way.

I may do a little wander around the Fillmore area and window shop, it’s a fun neighborhood to do that.

I’ll bring my umbrella and go for a nice long saunter in the rain.

Maybe buy some Christmas lights and a tree ornament or two.

I actually got one tonight when I went up to the Inner Sunset to do the deal this evening.

Wishbone was still open and also pretty desolate.

You got to love San Francisco during the holidays, the city just empties out.

I got the cutest little glass fox in frosted blue with glitter and a little furry tail

Adorable.

I’m thinking about getting my tree on Sunday.

Which may be the earliest I have ever gotten a tree.

I may hold off until next weekend, when it’s officially December, but the temptation is strong.

There is a tree lot two blocks away!

They were unfurling the trees today.

I was happy to see a number of them that will fit well into my little studio.

I will be continuing my Elvis themed “Blue Christmas” with my blue lights for the tree.

In fact.

I am going to re-invest in the large blue ceramic glass bulbs that I had two Christmas’s ago.

They broke when I was monkeying around trying to add some mood lighting to my house after Christmas had passed.

I want to get them again.

I really like the old fashioned bulb shape.

They make me happy.

Christmas is a happy time for me.

Busy as fuck.

Yes.

But happy as well.

Joyful.

I love sending out Christmas cards.

I have my boxed sets, one from my co-op, one from Rainbow Co-op, the collection I got from the Tuileries last Christmas; I have my holiday stamps.

I send out at least 15 cards every year, usually more, last year I think I sent out 20 or 25.

Lost count.

I usually do.

There is just something special about taking the time to sit down and address them and think about the person I am writing to and let them know that they are in my heart, it’s a wonderful feeling.

Plus.

I love getting cards in the mail.

I can’t expect to get any if I don’t send any out.

It’s the one tradition, and the tree, that I keep up with since I don’t bake Christmas cookies anymore or make Christmas candy.

I flirt with the idea every season, but I really don’t want to have it in my house.

The best scenario would be to make everything at someone else’s house.

I don’t foresee that happening.

However, I do generally get a least one afternoon of cookie baking with the family I work for.

I am pretty sure the mom will want me to help with the Christmas cookies again this year.

Today is the official beginning of the count down.

Four weeks from today will be my last day with the family.

I’ll catch a red eye that night to Wisconsin, spend a few days in the snow at Christmas and be with my best friend in Wisconsin and her family, so happy I get to have their company.

Four weeks and I’m done.

It’s been a trip.

I’m ready for a new adventure.

There will be lots of them soon.

I still need to get my practicum stuff prepared and write a resume and put together letters of reference and apply to the 6-8 sites the school recommends.

There are more than 6-8 sites, that’s just the number they recommend one apply to, cover all the bases.  I hear it’s pretty typical to not get into your first pick.

I’m ok with the work, I know it has to be done and despite the napping today, I did do a lot of work that is going to facilitate me moving forward and having my assignments done before I got to Wisconsin.

In fact.

I’ll be done by the weekend of my birthday.

That’s the plan anyway.

If not sooner.

Sooner I’m actually hoping.

But I get a head of myself.

The next thing is to deal with my head.

Literally.

So excuse me, I have another load of laundry to wash and some chili to put up for the week.

Fingers crossed tomorrow I’ll be cleared.

Super ready for that.

Seriously.

UGH

Today went right into the shitter.

Literally.

Damn it man.

I dropped my phone in the loo.

Fortunately two things.

One.

I had literally just cleaned it.

Two.

I was on the way to the loo, so really it was just a clean bowl of water.

But never have I cursed my bladder so, I completely forgot that my phone was in my back pocket, I just had to pee.

Had to.

I had gone up to the market to grab a few things in case I wasn’t able to get out to the grocery store tonight and when I got home it just hit me and I dashed in and well.

Fuck.

The phone fell in.

And.

Damn it.

It got stuck.

It was lodged, so it sat in the water for seconds.

Too long.

Too long.

Too long.

I did manage to get it out and I wiped it down and stuffed it into a container of brown rice immediately.

Note to self.

I need to buy more brown rice.

Ugh.

I pretty much had an off the grid kind of day today.

No Iphone meant no phone calls, texts, photos, social media.

I was a bit flustered and peeped online real quick to see what it would cost me to replace my phone and realized I didn’t have enough time to give a real look over and also that it takes time to deliver a phone and I really can’t see going more than 24 hours without it.

It’s my alarm clock.

It’s my life line.

I mean, seriously, I make recovery calls on that puppy all day long.

Nothing too serous going on with me.

Just a busy week, a phone interview with a prospective family–a 40 minute interview–that was nice but ultimately I don’t know that we are a great match, I’m already priced higher than what they were looking for, but the mom really wants to work with me and asked me what I would consider negotiating for if I went under the table.

I realized I could.

But.

I also realized what I would take for under the table is still probably too high for this family and also that there wouldn’t be room to go further, they would be paying the top of their range and really wouldn’t have room for raises, insurance needs, etc.

I have sat on it all day, partially because I didn’t have a phone to email back with.

And also to acknowledge to myself that even under the table with my skill set I could probably make more and to not cut myself short to work with a family that I may like personally, but professionally may not be the best fit.

I’m probably going to pass on even making an offer and encourage the to keep up the looking.

I’m ok to just sit on things for a day too.

I don’t relish the thoughts of not having a phone or having to purchase a new one.

Mother fuckers are expensive and I’m very attached to having mine with me.

I use it a lot at work, texting with my employers, using the camera, I use it for work too, like as in my alarm clock to get up for work.

Tomorrow I have an appointment before work and I really do hope I get out of bed in time for it.

I’m pretty sleep trained, so it shouldn’t be too hard, I have a general sleep schedule during the week and the time parameters fall well in between what I would typically be up for.

I mean.

Honestly.

Most of the time I get up before my alarm goes off.

Now.

Monday is going to be different, I will be back at the little side gig and I have to be up way early and at the house before I typically get out of bed now.

So.

I will have a phone by then, by tomorrow afternoon I think.

I do hope the submerging in rice trick does work.

I also managed to find one packet of silica and shoved that into the container too.

But.

If it doesn’t, I’ll be swinging by the Sprint store on Mission tomorrow to get a new Iphone.

And it’s a bit confusing how Sprint does it.

I was chatting with the rep in the store about what phones they had for Iphone upgrade and was really surprised that they had the 7 in the store.

I could have walked with it.

But.

I would have been leasing it.

I asked about buying it outright and was given a bit of a run around and I actually decided to wait.

Just wait.

As much as I wanted to have my phone, to be connected, to be in the social swing of things.

I also didn’t want to drop unnecessary money on a phone if there’s a chance that given enough time sitting over night in some rice my current phone will work.

Especially since I just dropped all my spare cash on the ticket to Paris in May.

And I have no regrets about that at all.

I just found it funny that after spending a bit of money I would go and drop the phone in the loo perhaps precipitating having to spend more money.

As though this month hasn’t been spendy already with the scooter repair and unexpected costs of having to deal with that.

Anyway.

I paused.

I’m going to give it a full 24 hours in the rice and fingers crossed it will work.

I will get up tomorrow, make my appointment, to see my advisor, finally, and then go to work.

I’ll check it at work.

If it’s works.

Yippee!

If it doesn’t.

Oh well.

New phone it is.

Regardless, I should be back on the grid tomorrow early afternoon.

Message me via e-mail if you need to get a hold of me, or ye olde facecrack.

And thank God.

Tomorrow is Friday.

I’m ready for the weekend.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

I am.

You Are Really

In demand.

My boss told me this afternoon when she arrived to the house.

I was busy cooking broccoli soup when she came in.

“How did it go?” She asked, in reference, I’m assuming to the gig yesterday, which she had alluded to when asking me to make a batch of the soup via text when I got into work.

“Good,” I replied and smiled.

As though the two families weren’t in communication, they would have seen each other at school today.

And it did go well.

“Well, you are really in demand,” she continued.  “They loved you and wanted to know if they could get another day with you?”

Oh really?

Nice to hear, but I do wish I was being involved with the conversations.

If wishes were horses, beggars would ride.

“Would that work for you?” I asked, calculating that it could work for me, depending on what day of the week they wanted me.

“Oh, absolutely, in fact, I was asked by another parent if you’re available in January,” she finished.

Oh really?

I mean, how very interesting, timely, and rather amazing.

I was asked for my resume yesterday for a friend who has a friend who just had a new baby.

I worked on it today before work, updated it, added my graduate school program (what person wouldn’t want someone who is getting a master’s degree?  Especially in psychology, didn’t I tell ya, I’m in Child Therapy class right now?) to my education and updated my current job position.

It looks pretty damn good.

So it was sort of funny, is it odd or is it God?  When I had the conversation with the mom.

It went really well.

We talked about references and referrals and she told me point-blank that she wanted what was best for me, that yes, they would love to have me two days a week, but that was their needs and not mine.

Um.

Yup.

I explained that I was concerned about continuity and with benefits and that it’s a challenge to try to get health insurance and days off for holidays and vacation when I’m piece meal with my jobs.

I don’t want three gigs.

I want one.

To that end we also talked about a soft end date for me, being most likely the end of December, possibly before.

The second family that I started working for this week want me until December 12th.

It might be good timing for me to finish up with both families around the same time.

I’ll also be in my last weekend of school that weekend–the 9, 10th, and 11th.

I was a bit bummed today to realize that was the last weekend of school, having just received a wedding invitation for a dear friend for Saturday December 10th.

I thought for a moment about not going, then I was like, fuck that, I’m going.

I’ll do my morning class and leave at the break for my second class.  I’ll miss the evening class, but whatever, I can’t not go to my friend’s wedding.

I sent in my RSVP yes earlier.

I also talked with my French friend about Paris in May.

Oh, the sound of that.

I do so adore it.

I’ll probably buy a ticket here pretty soon.

Although I may wait until I suss out employment.

But.

Fuck.

The tickets are a good price right now.

I found one for $741 round trip direct.

That’s sort of insane for Paris.

I wanted to buy the ticket right now.

I’m just going to pause one more night and wait on my friend’s confirmation of the times that she will be in Paris.

She’ll be studying for her exams and I’ll be mostly on my own to do my own thing.

No problems with that.

The only thing I will want to do prior is get a new camera.

Mine did hit the dust, literally and figuratively after Burning Man.

I was able to retrieve the photographs off of it that I had taken, but there was no getting the camera to work anymore.

I had to say good-bye and trashed it.

I will definitely get another one before I travel.

Heck.

I may want one for November travel as well.

I’ll be headed to Nevada for Thanksgiving.

I was invited to a friend’s house and she’s willing to make the trip to pick me up and to bring me back.

Road trip!

I’m excited for a little side trip to Nevada.

I’m sure it will be pretty, it will be great to have some time with my friend, and it’s nice to be wanted.

That’s what today felt like.

Lots of being wanted.

I felt really good today.

Very alive.

Of course, it may just be that I got caught up on all the sleep I missed over the weekend with classes and the new gig yesterday.

I decided to skip yoga and sleep in.

I am so glad I did.

I needed to work on the resume and I paid rent and put some money in my savings account and did some writing.

I felt all adult and accomplished and proud of myself for taking the time to deal with the stuff that’s been nagging at me to do since the whole work thing sort of dropped on me last Monday.

Grateful beyond words that I have a job while I look for my next one, that I have great references, that my family is willing to refer me out and that they already have people asking for me.

Again.

It’s really nice to be wanted.

It’s something that I need to know.

I haven’t always wanted to see it or acknowledge it, but it’s important to see it.

I sent a thank you text to a friend of mine today for giving me some really insightful words regarding my job and moving forward and she replied, “just reminding you of your superhero powers.”

God, it’s good to be seen.

And.

Loved.

That’s what I feel like today.

Thanks friends.

Y’all rock.

Seriously.

Wow

That was a long day.

I mean.

Seriously.

First day at the new Monday gig and it went 10 hours.

Whew.

But I got through it.

And yes, the 20 month old did nap, but it was a challenge to get her down, it didn’t happen right away and there was a lot of stops and starts with it.

Harder than I had anticipated.

But.

Then again.

Oh, the baby sweetness and toes and feet, and the stroller and being outside and not being on a monitor all the time.

The freedom.

Not that I did anything different from what I really always do.

However.

I felt less restrained and more comfortable, although a bit awkward, new house, new things to figure out, new switches, sets of keys…

Fuck.

The keys I have on my key ring right now.

Nice to be trusted.

I literally have the keys to three different million dollar homes in San Francisco.

Crazy.

And grateful that I am so trusted.

“We really felt good leaving her with you, and she’s obviously so happy and you guys look like you had a great day,” the mom said when she came home.

“And oh my God, the house, it looks great,” she added.

Then paid me.

In cash.

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

Glad to be of service.

But man oh man.

I don’t think I could keep up these kinds of hours for very long.

It’s too much.

Even with the baby napping part of it.

I was up to go to the bathroom before the sunrise and as I was about to hop back in bed, gratefully thinking I had a few more hours of sleep, my alarm went off.

I actually cried out loud, “NOOOOOOO.”

6 a.m.

Oof.

I know some people are morning people, and that’s great, I’m much more of a morning person than I used to be, but 6 a.m. is an early start.

Especially after putting in 29 hours of classes over the weekend.

And a full rather hectic week of work prior to that.

It was a big week, weekend, and now the start of the next week, which began with a 10 hour shift with a new family, family dynamic, household, schedule, and children.

No biggie.

Falls in heap on floor.

I’ve got my alarm set for 8 a.m. for tomorrow.

I’m hoping on getting to the yoga studio.

It’s been too long since I went.

All the tumult last week, the weekend of school and this super long Monday has meant no yoga for a week and a half I think.

Too long.

I may change my mind and just wait until Wednesday.

It might be nice to get a full night’s rest and be prepared for whatever is going to be happening at my regular job the rest of the week.

And.

I have also been approached by another friend who has a friend who just had a baby and is beginning the nanny hunt.

I need to update my resume and forward that to her.

I was just too busy today with the new job to do it.

And I feel too tired right now to fully give it my attention.

Although I know I should get it to her as soon as I can.

I haven’t looked at my resume in a few years, it’s time to polish it.

It really doesn’t need a whole lot, just an update on what I have been doing for the last two years, my current job and graduate school.

Ooh.

I get to put my masters program on my resume, excellent.

That will be fun.

I had forgotten about that.

I actually brought school work with me today, but didn’t get the chance to address it what with the baby’s erratic sleeping.

Homework.

Oh.

All the homework.

A day off is probably not a bad idea.

I also went to see some folks at Our Lady of Safeway tonight and that was good.

A little reunion of sorts.

And.

Bumping into a guy I always have had a sort of crush on and not doing anything about it.

No chasing.

I have to say though, I’m getting tired of writing down the paragraph every day of what an adult man looks like and what qualities I am looking for in a romantic mate.

And waiting to be pursued.

But then again.

I see very clearly when it doesn’t work for me and how chasing is never the answer, so when the man tonight didn’t seem all that interested, I stopped thinking about the pursuit and just came home.

There is nothing to do.

No Tinder dance to tango.

No OkStupid.

No chasing boys.

No mothering men who need care taking.

Just sitting still and really letting it all go.

I don’t actually need to be in a relationship.

I have so very much.

Yes.

It’s a goal.

But I’m not going to wait on my life to do things and feel things and have experiences.

Fuck no.

And by letting go, surrendering to the moment, I usually am better off anyway.

They say surrender is going over to the winning side.

I like that.

I have not been successful at dating.

Although, I think that’s incorrect.

I have dated and learned a lot in this past year, starting around February, the day after Valentines Day, when I allowed myself to be approached at the grocery store and asked out on a date.

I have dated a lot since then.

Tried a lot of stuff.

Hooked up a few times.

Went dancing.

Had some meals.

Had some uncomfortable dates, some fun dates, some horrible dates.

I wouldn’t say I’m a failure at dating.

I’m actually a lot better at it then I was at the beginning of the year.

I can’t make magic happen though and I think that’s what is next.

Just letting the magic come to me instead of trying to figure it out.

Figure it out isn’t a slogan.

And until then.

Well.

Fuck.

I have a lot going on.

Full time work, full-time grad school, full time recovery, yoga, writing.

I have enough.

I am enough.

Life is great.

And this Monday is done.

Stick a fork in it and turn it over.

 

All In A Days Work

I feel like I could use a weekend from my weekend.

However.

I got the work done.

I was given the number of a woman who recently relocated here from New York and ran a posh nanny agency there.  It was suggested to me that I call her.

I did and it was an interesting conversation that became a bit of an instantaneous interview.  I am not certain that I am the exact fit for the clients she is sourcing for, but I want to take action, not think about it, so I affirmed I would send her my resume.

Except.

Well.

I don’t have one.

Or.

I should say.

I didn’t have one.

I do now.

I spent all day working on it.

I have had over seven years of nanny experience, but with just a few exceptions, I have gotten where I have gotten all through word of mouth via the mom’s I have worked for.

Word of Mom Mouth is golden.

It is like having the keys to the kid kingdom.

I have a lot of really nice mom’s in my life and I touched every one of them in my hunt for the right words to say, the right format to do my resume, the correct dates for my work, the phone numbers and e-mails, the personal and work reference letters, all the little flotsam and jetsam of seven years of being a nanny.

Seven.

How amazing is that.

I got really flustered a few times today, had to walk away from it, make a few phone calls, and realize that I was way too up in my head and I needed to get in my body.

I went for a walk, got some groceries at Other Avenues, called a girl friend for perspective, and went home and made lunch.  Then I made stew for the week and brown rice, this week I will be having pinto beans with smoked turkey kielbasa, organic sweet corn, and zucchini.

While the soup simmered and the rice boiled, I made another pass at the resume.

I had listened carefully to all the things the woman with the agency said about the nanny who was leaving the family she was working with and thought to myself, well, hey, that’s not a problem, I already do most of those things without being asked.

Unloading and loading the dishwasher.

I don’t think about that, I just do it.

Ditto washing dishes.

Not that any of the places I work at are a real mess to clean up, I just like to keep my motto, leave it better than I found it.

I think how nice it must be to be a hard-working mom to come home to your house being tidy and your child ready for you, the bag packed if they are leaving the share, the little lunch containers cleaned, the milk bottles rinsed out, a fresh diaper on my charge, and a clean house.

I think about what I want to come home to.

I feel like it’s a reflection of me and there’s something that is soothing to me about keeping a tidy space, I am sure it’s a defect that has something to do with needing to be in control of my environment to feel safe, but, whatever.

I look like a better employee for it.

The family looking for help also wanted the nanny to deal with the diapers and she refused to do it.

What?

I mean.

Huh.

How did she get the job.

I take out the diaper pail for one family and compost diapers for another, part and parcel of the job.  If they wanted me to order the diapers too,  I would.

Same with grocery shopping, cooking, family assisting.

I find it fun, a way to make the day go by and not really a hassle.

Apparently the nanny I would be replacing does not want to deal with these things.

I sometimes fail to realize that not everybody does the job I do.

I am good.

It was actually a good thing for me to look at today–those letters of reference, the personal and professional ones–the sweet, kind, considerate words of my past employers.

I felt appreciated and valued and thankful that others see my potential and abilities so much better than I do.

I realized as I was checking in on the phone with another person this afternoon, that I am really good at what I do and I don’t have to craft something to display my worth, I just have to list things honestly, and in somewhat chronological order.

And who the hell knows.

I don’t know that this is the job for me.

But I do know I had to take the action.

I took it.

The resume is updated, polished, edited, tight.

I also e-mailed all the mom’s in my network and let them know my availability and when I estimated I would be looking for a full-time share situation.

I need to speak with my family in Cole Valley this week and see what their needs are and see if I can incorporate them into the plan or if I need to go full on with a completely separate share.

I believe the family only needs me until October, for two and half days a week, unless they can help me come up with a solution, the mom’s got great mom connections too, I may be starting fully over with two new families in mid-September.

I also reached out to three of my mom’s who are either currently employing me or have recently, and asked them to write me letters of reference.

Which would put me at five work letters of reference and one personal letter of reference.

I think that’s more than enough.

Or maybe I should just invite the woman at the agency to follow me down the street as I sing “This Old Man” and “The Wheels on the Bus” as I escort my little charges to Music Together Class.

I am grateful for this.

I felt awkward and uncomfortable, but that’s because I would rather look at my defect than my assets, which is in and of itself a defect, and it was good for me to see how these people view me and let a little of that love rub off on me.

Mary Fucking Poppins rides again.

Or floats.

I suppose.

That parasol and all.