Posts Tagged ‘Roxie Theater’

Carmen, Let’s Not

December 22, 2016

Talk about it.

“It makes me sad to think about it,” he sighed and leaned into me.

I had just chased him down from the kitchen to the dining room into the living room where we collapsed on the leather couch by the Christmas tree.

He was full of wiggles and silliness, but underneath was far more sorrowful than I had even realized.

“The Santa in the van bag,” he said looking at the back of the Christmas tree, “that’s from you, isn’t it.”

“Yes, doll, it is, but you have to wait until Christmas day, but yes you guessed right, there’s a present in that bag for you and one for your brother,” I said and stroked his hair.

“Are you really going to be done on Friday,” he asked me.

“Yes, my sweet boy, I am, that is my last day,” I answered him, my heart swelling up.

I have said many good byes over the years to my charges, but most of them, I think, I could be wrong, but I think, didn’t realize that I was saying goodbye for good. I have not had the experience of being with older kids, older, ha, 6.5 years old and 4.5 years old, still so sweet and young (although completely dastardly about the potty talk, my God, little boys like to talk about poo, I had an idea, but shit, hahahahaha, pun intended, they do!) and so tender, but so much more cognizant of what is happening to them and around them.

“Carmen, I don’t want to talk about it, it just makes me sad to think about it, I’m going to cry when you leave,” he said looking at the Christmas tree and holding my hand.


Child, you are breaking my heart.

I seriously do not know how I wasn’t a slobbering mess on the couch.

I mean.


So much love and bitter sweetness, this saying goodbye.

I won’t lie, there’s also a part of me that is ready for the next adventure, I am, but I am also having all the feels.

Every damn one of them.

I have gotten, with both boys, this past week, to have quiet moments with each of them that have just blown my heart to smithereens.

Reading and cuddle time with the littlest and though has officially phased out of the nap stage, he still gets awful cozy around quiet time and just wants to cuddle on my lap and read stories.

I am super grateful that I have had this last week with them, pretty uninterrupted with other jobs, school, or life stuff.


Life stuff is still happening, but I have gotten to work full-time hours with the boys, breakfast to dinner the last three days and though occasionally a goofy handful, there’s not really been tempter tantrums or drama.

Knock on wood.

Tomorrow and Friday I will have short days with them.

Tomorrow I go in early and I’m just edging into up past my bed time with my early start, but I had to write, not having written last night.

My blog got laid.


And so I had to write tonight.

I don’t like taking too much time off from it, and though the lack of sleep my affect me a bit, I’ll be out early as well.

The mom is taking the boys to A Charlie Brown Christmas matinée at the San Francisco Symphony.

I”ll do breakfast, a dash out to the park, lunch, baths probably and then get the boys dressed up in their finest.

Their finest is pretty fucking cute too.

Little velvet blazers.



And, AND, bow ties.

I mean.

Seriously, the cute factor is off the hook.

So I’ll be out by 1:30 p.m.

I have a meeting with my person and then a bit of free time before doing the deal.

I’m thinking that once I finish up with my person I will head over to Folsom and 14th, right around the corner from Rintaro.

I’m not going to go eat high-end Japanese street food, although there’s always  a desire to eat good like that all the time, it’s pretty outside the box as far as what I want to drop money wise on food.


I’m not going to be grabbing a bite.


I discovered a new Thai Massage place that had just opened and it had a bunch of grand opening specials listed on the chalk board outside the store front.

Including a free ten minute hot/dry sauna.

Oh yes, I’d like that please and thank you.

I’m thinking that I’ll book myself a massage for Friday after my last day with the boys.

I’m getting out early on Friday as well.

I think by 1 p.m.

The boys and I will do breakfast, maybe go to the park, but secretly I think I will take them to Ritual Coffee and get a last latte with them and get them little steamed milks or hot chocolates and we’ll sit on the big carved ship bench parklet in front of the cafe and play pirates.

Then the house, one last lunch with my monkeys and then they, lucky boys, are going to a private showing of Star Wars at the Roxie Theater in the Mission with a friend and classmate whose mum rented the theater for his birthday.

Nice birthday party if you can get it.


I was, at first, a little upset that our last day was going to be cut short.


I had a change in perspective and got really grateful.

What better way to leave?

On a happy note, saying goodbye may make the boys a little sad, but hey, they’ll be heading shortly thereafter to Star Wars on the big screen.

That should provide a little distraction.


It’s not a final goodbye, they will be in my lives, probably more so than many of my past charges, as the new family I work for attends their school.

I will get to see them and hug them and watch them grow bigger.

“You’ll visit us though, right?”  He asked, worriedly taking my hand, “please visit us, as much as you can.”

Oh bunny.

“Yes, as much as I can, I won’t be leaving your life, I promise,” I hugged him and though I teared up, I did not cry.

Saved that up for right now.

Parting is such sweet sorrow.

That I shall say goodnight.

Till it be morrow.

How Long Does It Take

June 4, 2013

To get to the center of a Tootsie Roll pop?

No, I mean to write the blog.

It takes, give or take, a topic, about a half hour to forty-five minutes.

I don’t know how long it will take tonight, but I would like to kick it out the jams in a quick manner, so I can relax, for all of five minutes, have some tea, maybe watch part of episode one of the new season of the Killing.

Maybe make my bed and put away my clothes.

This week got busy right off the bat and as I look at having to get up to get to work in Cole Valley for my 8:45am shift, alarm set for 6:30 a.m., I am trying to navigate getting my evening “chores” in.

The cats be fed, the laundry is waiting to be folded and the tea sits cooling in a mug by the computer screen.

“There is a little desk for you and your gigantic mug of tea,” she said to me today, as I was preparing to settle in to my assignment for the day.

“You remember!” I laugh, I am working in the same building on Valencia street as the bike shop is in and I always had a notoriously large mug of tea somewhere close to where ever I was stationed in the store.

I am a tea hound.

This is how I stay hydrated.

This is how I justify trips to the loo when I am feeling overwhelmed.

And sometimes this is how I fill the hole up with something hot to calm the nerves and satiate the anxiety.

If you saw the amount of tea I drank at the bike shop you would conclude that I was often anxious and in need of stepping away from the space to break down in the bathroom.

“If I am giving you too much information, stop me, and let me know,” she said to me as we were going through proposal templates this afternoon.

“I’ll let you know,” I said, “I will fill up quick, but I am still taking in information.”

Which is true.

I had left to make copies of the keys to the office and the building, traveling a circuit I know well, down 18th between Valencia and Mission streets, only to discover the Locksmith was closed on Mondays.  Nevertheless information had been gathering in the brief time I was walking on the sidewalks and I could already see systems bubbling up in my head.

I am learning.



“It is the wrong job for you if you aren’t learning something,” a friend said to me this weekend as we chatted in the short-cropped grass of the back yard, the sun lustily painting her skin in creamy golds and dustings of freckles.

It feels like the right job.

It feels good to get in there and start the learning.

Yeah, it is scary and yes I did admit that this is all new to me, but my boss knows this and is still one of my best advocates.

I feel beyond grateful to have the confidence of her being instilled in me.

“You have to advocate for yourself,” she told me this afternoon.

She was actually talking about a situation at Burning Man and I had not even seen it from the point of view she was describing.

That is what a mentor does, changes your perspective and shows you how to better do your job and take care of yourself in the process.

I will begin the advocating in that direction directly.

I am also seeing that my attention to detail is going to play into this job and dovetail with the needs of the business.  I pay attention to things and I notice things and words and pictures and images.

I feel that this repository of a brain has a lot to offer, I just need to move out-of-the-way with my false road signs depicting a trash heap of tragedy.

Silly rabbit, there is nothing wrong, you get to use your magnificent brain to help another person.

How cool is that?

And tomorrow I will get to use my juggling skills to maintain three children.


Yes, it is Tuesday again.

This time, however, I am more prepared.  I have more of an idea of what I can do, how long it will take me to do it, and how to go about navigating the home and the situation.

I feel as though I will begin to delve into nannying and not just babysitting.

Not just maintaining.

Thus why I wish to make this a speedy Gonzalez sort of blog.

I want to have a nice made bed and fresh clothes laid out, my bag packed with my things and the necessary accoutrement.

I already loaded up my BART ticket at the station on the way back home.

I was also chatting back and forth with a friend about a writing project and thought, this too, I need to do this too.

So much stuff.

So exciting.

I am enjoying my full life and getting right into the thick of it.

The commute does not seem quite as overwhelming, although still not that desirable, I do want to make my way back to San Francisco, I am shooting for post-Burning Man.

Speaking of which, I may just go to the premier of Spark,  A Burning Man Story and see if I can get a ticket in.

Why not?

I say yes to seeing something new that will make me happy and connecting with people who make me happy and seeing imagery that makes me happy.

And shoot!

I can write it off as a work expense, it is definitely in that milieu.

I work for a design firm, here is creativity flashed out right in front of me.

I found out I can also write off books, magazines, pens, notebooks, travel expenses, my phone, my laptop (when I get a new one, I think that will be an investment that needs be made), why not a movie ticket?

I know I will be inspired.

Inspiration also needs rest and it is time to wind down.

More tomorrow for you.

More for me too.

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