Posts Tagged ‘student loan payment’

Declined

November 6, 2013

Uh, what?

Excuse me.

Run that again.

I was at Whole Paycheck earlier today with both the boys.

Both the boys who were sound asleep, one strapped into the Snugli, the other in the stroller, they both nodded out early.

Daylight savings.

That, in and of itself is the compelling argument to change that shit up.

Do you realize how you are affecting nap time?

Please.

It was not a lot, $19.44, but it was apparently more than my balance could bear.

I was a little confused, but figured it was a mistake and left the store after unloading the groceries in my messenger bag and wheeling the boys back to the house.

I looked through my checking account register, yes, I balance it by hand, I do, I am old-fashioned in more than one way, despite the rebellious look of my tattoos.

And truth be told it has been years, really years, since I have bounced a check.

Occasionally, however, I have had discrepancies, off a little here or there, forgot to round-up or down, hastily marked a payment and didn’t carry the two.  Basic stuff, and though I thought I had plenty in the account, I chalked it up to that possibility.

Then I rather forgot about the whole thing.

I had food at the house.

I wasn’t starving.

The sun was out, the boys were napping, and I attended to my nanny duties.

I made a phone call about it, just to practise doing a check in, you know, let people know how things are going.

I decided I should access my account and see what was happening.

Oh.

NO.

WHATTHEFUCK!?

Overdraft.

Overdraft fee.

Bounced check?

Rent?

Did my rent check not go through?

ARGH.

Nothing says get some humility like coming home to tell my land lord who is in the middle of putting down her daughter and her daughter’s 7-year-old neighborhood friend for bed, that my rent check might have bounced.

So glad you rented to me, right?

Grrr.

I had discovered something, however, when I looked over my account, looks like my student loan payment was paid twice.

I got online and looked again, yup, charged twice.

This definitely explains why I overdrafted and I immediately got on the phone with the bank.

They covered my rent check.

Thank God.

They also pulled off the over draft fee and told me how to proceed.

Basically, I have to call my student loan company and have them return the money tomorrow.

Oh, I tried tonight, but I apparently missed the cut off time.

So tomorrow, during nap time, I will be on the phone making some calls to get it cleaned up.

The thing that I am in awe of, is how I responded.

I did not react.

Oh I wanted to I suppose at some point.

But I did not.

I guess I have been restored to sanity, look at that.

I didn’t get upset at the grocery store.

I did not get upset on the phone.

I did get a little upset when I related it to my person who called me back.

That old fear crawled right in and made a big old mess in my serenity nest.

However, she directed me to focus on what was right in front of me.

That would be the baby I was holding.

And there was nothing else to do.

I could have spoiled the rest of the day fretting, but it would have done me no good.

I also reflected, as I sat in Tart to Tart listening to a young woman and her heroin woes and the many rehabs she has been in and out of, eight, that I had it really fucking good.

Despite what that old brain was saying.

It turned  out to be a nuisance, that’s about it.

Annoying.

No drama here, just a miscalculation.

Sorry folks, show’s over.

I popped my head back upstairs to the landlady and said, “hey, just got off the phone from the bank, they cleared up the discrepancy, the fee was pulled, and your check did not bounce it is covered.”

“Good thing you have some back up,” she said.

She’s right, I also do have savings.

Not a ton, but enough, and certainly enough to have covered anything that might have come up between now and payday.

Another thing to be grateful for, a little prudent reserve.

As I was riding my bicycle home I realized that you can’t quantify me by a bank fee.

Just as I am not my jean size or my age or my class or ethnicity.

I am not my bank balance.

It won’t always be low either.

That hit me just as hard, this too shall pass.

I will have more money.

I saw a motorcycle pull out ahead of me and the thought came, unbidden, “soon you’ll be riding one of those and not this bicycle.”

Dude.

Down with that.

So, no anxiety.

There’s nothing wrong.

Not a thing.

The only thing I need to concern myself with is getting to bed at a reasonable hour so that I can have a good day with the boys tomorrow.

Today ran late and I suspect that the rest of the week will be the same.

Plus having the concert to hit tomorrow evening after work at the Fillmore, super excited, although a little tired by the thought of going out on a “school night” to see a show.

Nice thing, though, I may be a touch sleep deprived for the Thursday shift at work, but I ain’t gonna be hung over.

Nope.

I can handle a little tired.

I might have been declined.

Just for today.

But I sure as shit ain’t down.

Nope.

Not at all.

In fact.

Just.

Happy, joyous, free.

Where Did All the Money Go?

August 13, 2013

That was my first thought today when I looked at m checkbook.

What the hell?

That is not correct.

Then I remembered.

Oh yeah, I got myself an in-law in the Sunset, I’m moving on up.

Although I think the Jefferson’s were moving up to a high-rise and my little space is a studio on the first floor of the house.

Then, after calming down a little, sort of, about the money, I thought, oh, shoot, I need to pay off the student loan payment too before I leave for that big party in the desert–ACS sweetly reminded me the end of my forebearance is at hand.

So, I hopped on-line today and did that as well.

The funds be a dwindling.

However, I know that they are also coming in as well.

I have work all this week, then I am working on playa.

And there is always the regular work to be done, the writing, the blogging, the wondering about writing some more, like it’s time to sit the screws to another short story.

Seeing my name in print yesterday, seeing those words out there in that magazine, really blew some wind on a what feels like dying flame.

I spoke with my mom today, caught her up with me, which took all of three seconds, then I listened to all about her for the next twenty.  And that’s ok, it’s good to hear your mom’s voice before taking off for a long trip.

Not that I am entirely out of contact when I am at Burning Man, but it’s nice to know that there are people out there that know where I am.

Fortunately, all my employers know where  I will be.

Most of them will be there too.

Probably not my North Oakland mama, she’ll be staying I believe here in the bay and hanging out with her little girl, whom I have had the distinct pleasure of hanging out with today.

My gosh.

It was super good to see her.

She just makes me feel special.

Trusted.

Loved.

And funny.

It tickles my funny bone that I know how to make a kid laugh.

No small talent.

“Did you see what you just did there,” my friend said to me yesterday as we were walking up to the gates of Outside Lands.

I did, sort of, I had automatically, without thought, justified the reason why I had VIP passes.

“You went and made yourself less than,” she concluded.

“You deserve this, you get to be here, you don’t have to justify it with how much or how little you work for it, honey, we’re all the same, you deserve this, and a lot more too.” She added in as I blushed.

I having been seeing some thing clearer and my friend is entirely right.

It’s like I have been trained to not be good enough.

“Oh what do you need?” My mom asked me about household stuff.  “There’s so much great stuff down here that people just toss and the thrift stores, oh.  I could pick you up stuff and ship it out…”

I interrupted.

No.

I was not nice about it, I realized not much longer after getting off the phone.

How about you save the money on shipping the second-hand pots and pans set and send it to me in a card instead.

Fuck.

Five bucks and I’ll happily get a coffee.

Then I thought about how my mom had asked me one thing and one thing only when I offered amends to her, she wanted me to ask her for help.

Now, I know the reality of the situation is such that the help is not forthcoming, but did I still pop a resentment when she back tracked and said in a later conversation, “well, I am just so broke right now.”

Jesus.

I wonder where I get it.

This attitude of poverty.

Scarcity.

Not enough.

There is enough!

I don’t need to look to my mom to give it to me and the next time she offers to do something I will just say yes and let her do what ever she wants to with her money, lack there of, or thrift store treasure finds.

Sometimes other people’s trash really does contain some gold.

It makes her happy.

I can give her that.

That is doable.

And for the rest of it, the studio will come together with all the things I am supposed to have for it when I get back.

I have hopped around on craigslist and there is nothing that I can do at the moment.

I am still negotiating my time frame for getting my things into the city to leave on Friday while also juggling working every day and working extra tonight.

Yeah.

I am, still working, as I write this.

I don’t normally like to post up my blog before I get home.

You never know what kind of excitement I might encounter on the ride home through crack infested waters.

But I am still working, mom has got a late client and dad is doing late work for the burning thingamabob, so I am here.

Which means I am also trying to balance my time, because I have a 45 minute bicycle commute, probably 40 minutes, the traffic will be lighter than when I came in this morning, albeit it more colorful, when the mom gets back.

Her arrival time is 9:15p.m.

Which puts me at Graceland at 10 p.m.

The alarm is set for tomorrow morning at 6:30 a.m.

Yup.

Long back to back days.

But that will refill the coffers and I am sure I will sneak in some sleep tomorrow night, I have a later start time on Wednesday.

Gah.

Wednesday.

I’ll need to have it figured out by then too.

How to get from here to there.

And a talk with the mom about post-burning nanny.

Gotta suck it up and do it, maybe tonight.

Probably tonight.

Just need to not let it be a long conversation or it will be less sleep for me and I have three charges tomorrow, plus a meeting after at a coffee shop and then over to the Women’s Building for some of that good good shit.

So, breaking my blog rules, but whatever.

I gots to do what I gots to do.

Besides I don’t want to risk not being able to get online again, that was a frustrating hour that I spent extra last night trying to post.

Nope.

Thanks.

Do it now.

Do it with love.

Do it now.


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