Posts Tagged ‘sublet’

Ground Hog’s Day

March 21, 2020

I’m beginning to not know what day of the week it is.

That is a little surreal for me.

I am still sticking to a type of scheduled and since I have had group supervision and individual supervision the last two mornings, I’ve actually been setting alarms to get up.

Which reminds me, I need to do that for tomorrow since I have a video session in the morning with a client.

I sense tomorrow and Sunday are going to be the weird days for me.

I had supervision, an online meeting, and two clients today.

Plus a long phone call with a dear friend from my Master’s program and a long walk through the park.

I was actually a little upset today on my walk.

The beach was busy!

I mean, I sort of get it when it’s a nice day and the surf is good, but people, we got a shelter in place happening and further admonishment from the governor to hunker down.

I was surprised to see so many people and so many groups!

I had to take my judgmental self away from the beach.

It was too busy with people and the parking lot at the Balboa side of Ocean Beach was packed!

I headed instead to Golden Gate and hit the horse paths.

There’s horseback riding paths that criss cross the park and they are not nearly as trod as the regular walking paths.

I didn’t see a person and when I did pop out of the park on the Fulton Street side to head back to my house, I graciously gave everyone a wide berth or crossed the street to not make contact.

And.

Even with that decent amount of activity I felt it begin to creep in, the malaise of being confined to my own space.

And I really love my space.

So.

I had a mid-afternoon dance party and I did some meditation afterward.

That felt better.

But it is beginning to all blur together.

I had zero, and I mean like none at all, motivation to do school work.

I know I will have to this weekend and it will help break things up to focus on papers and drafts and getting work in.

Which also reminds me, where the hell is the draft I turned in last week?  I need to get it back so I can make revisions and implement changes that the professor wants.

Tomorrow all I have is one client.

I did make plans to meet a friend on the other side of the park to go walk her dog on the beach.

Her side of Ocean Beach on the Outer Sunset side, won’t be as busy as my side on the Outer Richmond side as my side has parking and a lot of surfers hit the break out here.

No break on the Judah Street side in the Outer Sunset the next nearest break is Noriega, so there won’t be cars and surfers and big families playing soccer (that’s what got me, a big group of I’m assuming family, playing soccer, there were just too many folks too close) and she and I can walk apart and let her dog frolic in the waves.

I have connected so much to the neighborhood this week, I am grateful for that.

I have taken long walks every day in the afternoon either before or after lunch and I have seen things and walked parts of the park that I have only driven past.

That has been lovely.

I also know that I am very lucky to be so close to such a large park too.  It is big enough to give wide space to others when I come across them.

I am also going through parts that aren’t often used, like the backside of the archery field or the horse paths.

I figure I will also do a longer hike at some point and really explore Sutro Baths and Land’s End.

If we are not under martial law at that point.

I keep hearing rumors about that, but I’m trying to stay out of the rumor mill, it does not help me keep my equilibrium and that has to stay in place.  I have clients to support and therapy to do.

I have also given up the office I just started subletting a few months ago.

I only use it one day a week and the woman who is my individual supervisor and my landlord has given me more access to the main office I am in.

I now have access to it in a full time capacity.

So I called the woman I sublet from and told her I had to give it up and I gave notice.

I will still have to pay rent on it for this month and I think also next month and possibly the month after.

If we are able to go back to work in our offices I may use it a touch more, but I doubt that is going to happen.

My agency is preparing for three to six months of this strangeness.

Most of us have the feeling that we won’t be going back on April 7th when the three weeks of shelter in place is up.

I’m preparing myself mentally for a longer haul.

Of course I am hoping that doesn’t happen, but I am preparing myself for the possibility.

So, yeah, gave up my Monday office.

And it’s all going to be ok.

I have food, I have shelter, sunlight, access to my deck, places to walk still (hoping that will hold out a little longer), friends to have long conversations on the phone

Oh yeah.

And.

Homework.

Sigh.

I still have lots of that.

Take One Step Towards

August 9, 2019

The Universe and the Universe throws hella new clients at you!

Holy crow.

Last Thursday I took a, for me, leap and connected with a woman who has an office in the same building I have my therapy office in.

She had tagged me in a post on social media about having office hours available.

I was really interested in one of the days, but, also, well, nervous, can I take on more rent?

I brought it up last week in Group Supervision and my supervisor interrupted me and said, “Who here thinks that Carmen should rent the office?”

Everyone raised their hands.

EVERYONE.

Ok then.

One of the members in my group succinctly pointed out that I have been steadily adding new clients and building my practice.

At the time of the conversation I had 15 clients.

I had 16 but one client moved.

And.

My group member was right, I have steadily increased my client load and I had the sense of “if you build it they will come.”

So  reached out that day and sent a direct text and inquired.

I got a response that it was available, but/and two other people had expressed interest.

Shit.

But they hadn’t confirmed.  I was adamant that I wanted the office, especially when I found out what the rent was and it was much less than I thought it would  be.

She said to be fair she would re-contact the interested parties and see where they stood and then let me know.

I thanked her and realized that I was ok no matter what happened.

Sure.

I wanted the office space, but really, having taken the action of just reaching out really felt good and positive.

Take action and let go of the results.

She got back the next afternoon.

I got the office!

Apparently my vigorous yes to taking the space swayed her and that I was ready to take on the space this month.

The lease is all drafted and dealt with–connected her to my agency and I get the key tomorrow!

I start with a client in the space next Monday.

I am using it for a client that had to cancel a standing session.

It was so nice to be able to offer the alternative space.

Then it gets crazy.

After the phone call with my new landlord I have my individual supervision and I excitedly share with my supervisor about the new office.

She is surprised and happy for me and adds that she knew I was interested in extra office hours but she didn’t realize how serious I was about it and would I also like to have Thursdays in the office?

HOLY SHIT.

My individual supervisor is also my landlord whom I sublet my office from, we share the office space.  She recently became core faculty at CIIS, my alma mater (my current “mater” for that matter, my PhD intensive is two and a half weeks away!) and has cut back her office hours.

Whoa.

I knew that was happening and I had soft ball pitched wanting extra office hours about a month ago but it didn’t seem like it was going to happen.

Until it did.

She told me to think about it and let her know.

I clapped my hands in glee like a small child in front of birthday cupcakes and said “yes!”

And like that.

I have office hours now Monday-Saturday!

My hope is that once I fill up on clients I will actually be able to stop seeing clients on Saturdays.  I need to right now, I see four clients and that’s a good chunk of change.  But if I can fill up the weekdays I can transition out of working Saturdays.

I haven’t had a full weekend off in years.

Literally.

I have been working six days a week and going to school full time for the last three and a half years.

I am so ready to have my weekends back!

Granted.

I will likely be working on my PhD, but who cares!

Weekends.

And!

I have a potential new client for next Thursday.

That part about saying yes to the office and yes to the Universe, well apparently the Universe heard and I got four referrals yesterday from Psychology Today as well as a referral from my individual supervisor.

I made contact with three of them, leaving the others messages but not hearing back.

I did two phone consultations yesterday, immediately landing one new client.

I also did a phone consult tonight and again, landed the client!

I have another phone consult tomorrow early evening in between clients and feel very positive about it having already made good e-mail connection.

I am over the moon.

I now have 17 clients!

My goal is 30 and then I can stop nannying.

I am so close.

I can almost taste it.

My charges can too, the little lady tonight asked me when I was leaving and I knew it wasn’t about when I was leaving at the end of my shift.

I told her not for a while yet, she was probably going to get me for another five or six months and I was planning on always being in her life and that rest assured she was my favorite client.

She gets very jealous when  leave to go see my clients, let me tell you.

My goal is six months tops.

I would love to be done by the end of the year, that has always been my original goal, but I figure I will just say six months from the first day I am in my additional office.

So by February 12th of 2020 I will be done being a nanny.

Fingers crossed and the river don’t rise.

Bring on the clients.

I am ready.

Happy.

Joyous.

Free.

To not be a nanny anymore.

Eat It

May 31, 2014

Grr.

Well, I sort of knew that it was a long stretch, a sort of Hail Mary of a throw, but I was hoping I would be able to sublet my studio for the couple of weeks I would be at Burning Man and for the week I am in Wisconsin.

Nope.

I knew before I asked, but I felt I had to ask.

Which leads me to the uncomfortable asking.

The house stuff is what it is, the entrance is common and I may have my own “private” space, but it’s not really separate.

I didn’t think that it would fly.

However, I am loath to pay for the time I am away, especially when I am fairly certain I could rent out my studio to cover costs of being away at Burning Man.

The real discomfort is going to be when I ask my employers for a raise.

I haven’t raised my Burning Man rates since I started nannying at the event, it’s been the same flat fee every year, five years running, same rate.

I can’t do it this year.

I have rent, student loans, scooter insurance, scooter payment, Healthy San Francisco, phone, and utilities to cover.

Being gone for two weeks without my typical take will cripple me.

Which is why the first prong of the attack, it’s an attack in my mind, can’t I just surrender to the winning side, know that I am allowed to ask for myself and let go the results?

Nope.

My brain wants to manipulate it.

How can I phrase it just so.

There is no phrasing.

Simplicity is the key.

Surrendering the results is also important.

They can say no.

They may say no.

I worked longer hours than I thought I would last year and despite making more money than I have prior, it was only because I worked every single day, had no days off and was out for 22 days.

That’s not particularly healthy.

I have also entertained doing a nanny share out there.

I was asked this weekend at Lighting in a Bottle by a family that was doing a dry run at the festival and will be at Burning Man with their daughter for the first time who will be 19 months.

I said no.

But there is my other Burning Man family and I debated that all day in my head, do they have someone, they are going, I already know that, kind of have to when you work for the organization.

But last year my charges grandpa came out and helped.

I don’t know if that’s the case this year.

Last year I would have hesitated to take on an extra one, but this year, both boys are walking, so possibility.

Ugh.

I just have to sack up and ask for more money.

It’s not the family’s business to know about my cost of living or my rent or student loans or any of it.

I just have to say I need to make more, state what that more is, and let them say yes or no.

I am a great nanny and I am worth my pay.

I have a lot of experience being on playa as a nanny and enough said brain.

Let it go.

Nothing to do about it this week.

Besides I wanted to find out if I could sublet the studio, if I could, the pressure would have been a little less, it would have alleviated the worry.

I am a classic under earner and I have done a lot of work around it and here, I can just get grateful for it, is an opportunity to grow.

For today, though, the rent is paid, just dropped the check to my housemate when I asked after the possibility of subletting.

My student loans are paid too.

I have money for the hair appointment tomorrow–some fancy new color coming my way–and money for groceries and what not until I get paid next week.

And repeat.

I did not have the luxury of coloring my hair when I was in France or worrying about a new Iphone or making a scooter payment.

I was eating corn out of a can and peanuts and apples for lunch.

I get to travel to Wisconsin next month for a week.

I get to go to Burning Man.

I will bust my ass like I always do and I will have an experience.

That’s what it’s about.

I get to have experiences.

I also will be grateful to live where I live and be happy that I can afford to live in San Francisco and pay said rent.

It could be more.

Besides, who’s to say, amazing things are happening all the time and prosperity is all about me.  I am living better than I have in years just by quietly putting one foot in front of the other and working hard.

I don’t have much debt outside my student loan–just the scooter–and I am able to meet my monthly costs in cash.

That’s pretty fucking cool.

I eat well.

I eat organic.

I drink small batch roasted fancy pants coffee.

I have a new Iphone.

I have a vintage 1965 Vespa.

Come on.

Life is good.

No worries here.

I am not going to try to make money at Burning Man, I am just asking to cover my costs.

That’s fair.

I could also put the ball in their court and say I want a raise and see what they offer.

What I will do, tonight, is write it down, say a prayer and send it out to the Universe.

My God box is a pink bunny piggy bank from the Marais district in Paris, I write little notes about things I am struggling with, and give it up to God.

Or the Universe if you will.

Or the gigantic bunny in the sky.

(Someone read Watership Down really early in life)

Just writing it down and letting it go often brings a kind of clarity that thinking about the solution, ie, trying to figure it out, does not.

There is nothing to figure out.

There is no problem.

And last but not least.

The solution and the problem are not the same thing.

Thank God I have some solution today.

Faith in the experience of being taken care of doesn’t hurt either.

The only thing left to do is have a fun weekend.

I can manage that.

Hell, who knows, maybe I’ll even get asked out on a date.

Happened last time I got my hair done.

Fuck worrying about Burning Man.

I should just be focusing on getting my hair done.

Ha.

 

 


%d bloggers like this: