Posts Tagged ‘Sunset District’

there is no there there.

June 16, 2013

Yes, Ms. Stein, I believe you are correct.

A friend quoted that to me this evening when I related the news to him that I am moving back to San Francisco in September.

That while being at Graceland is love, East Oakland is not my flavor of cherry.

I need out.

And an out I was given today.

I went out to the Sunset and saw the in-law/studio in my friend’s house.

It is going to be just right.

I can’t quite see how every thing is going to fit together and it is not huge, but it will be all mine.  There will be a kitchen with gas range and a refrigerator and cupboards and tile, a finished separate bathroom and a living room/bedroom space with a full closet.  There will be a back deck and a door that opens out onto it.

There will be sunlight and the sound of the ocean roaring in the distance instead of the sound of cars drag racing and tires squealing.  There will be a place to put my bike, a place to hang my photographs, a place to put up my pictures.

There is space for a kitchen table/desk.

There is a room of my own.

There, just there, on 46th Avenue between Judah and Irving.

Two blocks to Golden Gate Park.

Two blocks to the beach.

Trouble Coffee, which I can already see being the best kind of trouble as my friend led me on a little tour of the neighborhood, where we popped into to grab Americanos.

We went by the new vegan/vegetarian raw food restaurant where she got an astounding fresh pressed super food smoothie.  And then to the co-op, that though just a little bit expensive, was like a small version of Rainbow.

Where we ran into a friend I had not seen in years, who hugged me, smiled, and said, welcome to the best neighborhood in the city.

I kept getting misty eyed today.

First coming into the city over the bridge with music playing on the stereo, the fog shrouding everything muffled in summer swag, the skyline of downtown, the Bay and all its glory flashing in places were the sun could still get through.

Then as I stood on the corner of 46th and Irving and smelled the sharp salt tang of the ocean, there she is, the sea, the beach, the waves cresting, breaking, the muffled roar of the water pounding the sand.

Home.

There is no there there.

There is not comfort in East Oakland for me.

I don’t feel safe.

There, I said it, I don’t feel safe.

I do when I am indoors, but I don’t feel safe anywhere but, and truth be told, I don’t always feel safe inside either.  The other day, mid-afternoon writing some e-mails out before heading into San Francisco there was a domestic dispute happening and a window pane was smashed and screaming was being done and on the side-walk there was screeching and bitch calling and ranting.

I was afraid to open the blind.

Just let me go on noticed.

I will continue to stay as long as I need to, but knowing I had an out was such a tremendous relief I could not stop the tears from falling when my friend and I worked out all the details.

The studio won’t be ready to move into for two more months, possibly a week or two longer, but that puts me right at coming back from Burning Man.

I have a September 1st move in.

I will get back from the event the 3rd or the 4th and I may need, will need, I am sure, to decompress a few days before moving into a new home.

That being said, I do not have a lot of things to move in.

“I have absolutely nothing, except the clothes on my back,” I said to my friend.

“You can borrow the chaise lounge in the garage and the blow up bed until you get stuff together,” she told me.

She also said that the space would be completed, that I would have a place to stay, that I would be able to do a month to month with her, she’s going to put it all down in writing.

And if it’s not finished, I can stay on her couch until it is, but it will be.

I believe her.

We talked yoga and surfing and running on the beach.

I don’t plan on jogging anytime soon, bad knees, but I do plan on taking walks on the beach.  And yoga sounds smashing.  And being in San Francisco.

It’s not that far either.

I can ride my bike from the Mission to Ocean Beach in about 25 minutes.

I have done it plenty of times.

It is also not that far to the Cole Valley nanny gig.

The gig that is currently one day a week, but will become three days a week after I get back from Burning Man, after we all get back from Burning Man–all my families are going.

I will let go the gig in Oakland.

I will let them know that when I have a full down load on the place.

I don’t want to commute to Oakland to nanny for them.

I love the little girl, she is such an amazing child, but part-time hours are not going to be a draw for me to get on my bike pedal from the Sunset to take a BART train to Oakland to nanny.

No thanks.

I may see if they are willing to come to SF.

And that is all in the future.

Granted, the near future, but it is not a conversation I need to have with them yet.

The only conversation that matter today was when I asked my friend, “will you have me?”

And she said yes.

So here is yes to moving back to San Francisco, Trouble coffee, foggy mornings, cute tattooed surfer boys, and the shush and thrum of falling asleep to the lullaby of the ocean.

Sunset here I come.

There is a there there.

House Sitting Is NOT

June 15, 2013

A vacation.

In fact, I realized after last night, I really don’t like house sitting.

Oh, the house I am at is lovely and there is nothing wrong, I just did not and have not let myself see how much it is not the best fit for me.

I would rather be in my own place, in my own space and doing sustaining work.

Work that I got just another little more of a taste for today.

I went into the design firm and spoke with my boss, who so does not feel like a boss, which may be part of the reason I love it so much, I love my boss, she’s my friend.

But I also like how the learning is going and seeing myself trying to do new things, trying to learn new things and letting myself believe that new work stuff can be done.

We sat and talked about projects she has coming up and what I can do to be of help to said projects.

I am super excited to be any part of what is happening and despite being told that I don’t need to take out the trash and the recycling, when she left, I did just that.

There is something to be said for cleaning up the space that I will be working in.

The action of tidying it makes me feel good, I know that my friend will be happy to see it clean, and it is my sneaky way of getting into the space more.

When I was not certain what to do at the bike shop I would sweep the floor or re-organize the stock room, straighten the t-shirts, or dust.

The small actions of keeping the space neat not only grounded me into feeling that I was accomplishing something and keeping busy while being paid, it also allowed me to be making a sort of mental inventory of what was in the store.

I am doing the same when in office space.

I am seeing what she sees, I am organizing it in my own brain, I am putting myself in the middle of the space to see what there is to be seen.  I don’t know why this is helpful to me and I don’t need to know why, I just know that being around her and gleaning information from the design studio helps me somehow.

She will be out of the office for the next few weeks and I will be doing a lot of the work remotely.  Some of it, certainly, from here at the house sitting gig.

Some of it at the office.

I don’t need to go into the office to do the work, but I think it will be helpful for me to log some hours there, it will feel like going into a job and I believe that will make me more pro-active until I get used to the feel of working remotely.

I also like the area and I love the space.

I like being back in the same building as the bike shop and seeing the landscape from a different vantage.  I like being in the Mission and I like that I know my way around it.

I like that tomorrow I am going to meet up with another dear friend and go see her house and see the in-law she has.  See if it may be a better fit for me than the space I was offered in the Bay View.

I am leaning toward the beach offering more so than the Bay View offering.

Partially as I have never lived out by the beach.

I have lived in the Bay View.

It’s sunny.

It’s in San Francisco.

But it is still Bay View/Hunters Point.

Besides when your girl friend says, “there’s not a bath in the studio, but I am putting in a deck and a hot tub in the back yard that you can use,” well, that right there beckons like nobody’s business.

Cold foggy night?

Who cares.

Let’s hot tub!

The idea of being settled down is a nice one for me.  Really get myself planted and put and work on furthering what feels like a legitimate career for me.

I have a lot of work ahead of me, I don’t deny it, and I can stop the fantasizing around it.

I realize that, I heard it recently, ‘I want the reward without doing the work’.

I want to be in a career without having learned the ropes, here’s your opportunity.

I want to be fit and healthy without having to think about what I am eating.

Another problem with house sitting, “help yourself to the food.”

NO.

Not a good idea for me and yet, every time I go rifling through, neglecting to properly take care of myself and being ok with microwave popcorn for dinner instead of healthful food.

So today, to celebrate access to a car I made a run on Rainbow Grocery and spent nearly $100 on good wholesome (not all vegan) food.  I plundered the stone fruit–yellow nectarines, black plums, two different kinds of apples–organic Fuji’s and Pink Lady’s, Japanese sweet potatoes, organic raw carrots (great for snacking on with humus–man why did it take me so long to find humus, my tasty new friend), organic Roma tomatoes, Coconut and raw chocolate tea, Stump Town Holler Mountain coffee in the whole bean, Nancy”s low-fat cottage cheese, Judy’s extra-large brown organic eggs, Ezekiel sprouted grain English muffins, one yellow zucchini, one green zucchini, and bananas.

Excellent.

I am willing to keep house sitting here and there until I get into my own place.

But after that, I think I am going to pass on doing it.

Although, it really is nice to be trusted by your peers, your friends, your families.

I mean you should see all the keys on my key chain right now!


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