Down the drain.
You brought over a bottle with you the first time I cooked a meal for you, a little weird, but I was trying to be a good hostess and you wanted a cocktail with dinner.
So, sure.
But you procure it, I’m not buying booze for anyone.
You left it on the counter when you left and I did think, hmm, do I really want this in my house?
But, I figured, well, I have neutrality and I’m certainly not tempted, so I put it in the cupboard over the stove behind the bottle of Bragg’s Amino’s and the bottle of balsamic vinegar.
And mostly forgot it.
Until recently.
I threw your toothbrush in the trash.
Granted. It wasn’t your toothbrush, it was an extra one from the dentist that I asked you to use when you asked me, “Can I kiss you,” and I said, “only if you brush your teeth.”
The combo smell of dinner at Absinthe with a client and three whiskey Manhattan’s on your breath was just too much for me to entertain kissing.
I composted your homemade raisin oatmeal cookie vanilla ice cream sandwich.
Yeah.
That went away too.
I’m not exactly mad.
Although I am a touch flummoxed.
What happened?
I mean, on one hand I have a pretty good sense, we weren’t quite as compatible as perhaps we were both pretending to be.
I’m sober.
You’re not.
It’s been a long time since I dated anyone who drank.
So there’s that.
But it was some other things too.
Not taking me out last Friday was definitely a disappointment.
Especially when I showed up at your house dressed to the nines, because as you told me last Wednesday night, “we’ll do something fun on Friday and have sex.”
Excellent.
Something “fun” on Friday turned out to be a well done steak on a plate in your house while you drank whiskey and smoked weed.
I can handle the booze to a point, but the weed, man, I don’t like it.
Especially when I asked from the beginning, literally I said it on our first date, I am allergic and I hate the way it smells, you can’t smoke weed around me, I can handle you drinking, but pot is too much–you also can’t snort cocaine off my boobs–to not have it smoked around me.
But I suppose when one is in their home, doing their thing, smoking their weed is par for the course.
I didn’t say anything when you lit up while we watched a movie, which, fyi, 1917 is fucking phenomenal, but I did pull away from you on the couch.
I just super hate the way it smells.
I recognized, from working with my therapist in a session earlier that day, that I wasn’t letting you know when I was disappointed.
I was also really disappointed to find out that you were going to go away for the weekend.
I guess you forgot that you had offered to help me move things into storage over the weekend too.
Sigh.
I mean, I understood, you had to go spend the weekend with a client in Tahoe.
Awesome.
Get your client on.
“Do you ski?” I asked.
“No, we’re just going to drink whiskey, smoke weed, and hang out in the hot tub.”
Ok, then.
You wanted me to spend the night, and that had been the plan, and Tahoe meant up early and hitting the road, so we compromised and I said I wouldn’t spend the night, but I would still come over.
But you know, I still thought we were going out.
And I did at least manage to say I was disappointed that we had to change up our plans.
I can see, however, that I was diminishing my feelings.
We had the sex.
Thanks.
I left and let you get sleep for getting up early to go drink whiskey and smoke weed and hot tub.
Aside.
WTF?
Maybe it’s just me, but my choice would have been hang out with a hot woman who’s fun and smart and creative and hella good in bed.
So, maybe I don’t drink whiskey.
So, maybe I don’t smoke pot.
But.
Fuck.
I have moves, and I have energy.
I am also five years older than you and have a lot more energy.
But this is not about you, I’m making this about me.
Meanwhile, I figured that like the other time you went out of town and didn’t text me while you were away, you’d do the same this time.
I also, honestly, didn’t feel like fishing for attention.
So I didn’t text you either.
But then when Monday came, when you told me you’d be back from Tahoe, I thought you’d check in with me.
Nope.
Nothing.
Crickets.
Zilch.
Five days with absolutely no contact.
Five.
I thought about texting, but truly, I think I’d already came to the conclusion that there were things that just weren’t working for me.
And.
In your actions, to not reach out, you spoke mighty loud.
You made a choice, which is your right, but it was a disappointment.
And.
It’s been fucking weird as hell, as each day has drifted by, that you didn’t text or call.
Not once.
Not after 11 times hanging out.
No phone calls.
No text messages.
I have questioned it, a lot, but I figure this is God doing for me what I couldn’t do for myself.
Ultimately you were saying it loud and clear, before the lack of connection, when you decided to Tahoe it up.
You don’t want to hang out with me.
And after this week, and the disappointment of last week.
I don’t want to hang out with you either.
I also have plenty to process with my therapist tomorrow.
Plenty.
Until then.
I hope you’re ok, like you didn’t drown in the hot tub or anything.
And I guess it means I’m still single.
I think I’ll pause for a moment before I jump back in.
Give it another day, but I do figure I’ll try the damn dating apps again.
And I’ll keep practicing speaking up when I feel something and not diminish it.
And I’ll eat my next damn steak rare.
Never eating a well done steak again.
That was fucking egregious.
Auntiebubba 