Posts Tagged ‘thankful’

Thanksgiving

November 23, 2017

Is just a few hours a way and I keep forgetting its Thanksgiving.

It’s a holiday so all about the food.

And.

Well.

I’m not really in that place anymore.

For me Thanksgiving is a time to reflect on what I’m thankful for.

I have so, so, so much.

Love.

A home.

A bed.

A closet full of clothes.

I have food in the refrigerator.

I have a laptop.

An Iphone.

Recovery.

Sobriety.

Abstinence.

Shit.

I have THREE vehicles.

I ran into a neighborhood friend out walking his dog this afternoon as I was headed into a job in the Mission and he saw me getting on my scooter, “not taking the car?!”

And I told him that since I was going to the Mission for a five-hour job and it’s only two-hour parking it was easier and cheaper to ride my scooter.

Five hours of metered parking for a scooter in the Mission is $1.55.

I don’t know what five hours of parking at a meter in the Mission would be, but I know it’s triple if not quadruple that.

Fuck.

Probably more.

“Nice to have choices!”  My neighbor said and strolled off with his dog and a “happy holiday!” over his shoulder.

Damn.

He’s right.

It is nice to have choices.

I used to not have any choice but my feet.

I was so broke for so long, especially in the early part of my recovery, even taking a bus sometimes was out of the question.

It took me a long time to get financially stable.

A fucking real long time.

It feels surreal to know that I have a car on the street, add that to the list of things to be thankful for, I own a fucking car.

I really never expected that to happen this early into my therapy career path, I figured it was in the hazy future, not like, this past Monday!

I have choices.

I have a bicycle.

I have a scooter.

I repeat, but, it still is amazing to me.

That.

I have a car!

Wow.

Yeah.

I have a lot to be thankful for.

I have a job.

I am in graduate school.

I have wonderful friends.

I have better relationships with my family than I have ever had.

I have perspective.

I have faith for the future and a deep abiding belief that I am being taken care of.

I don’t have great big plans for the holiday.

Like I said, the food part paled for me many, many, many years ago.

Tomorrow I will be with my person and some other friends in the Upper Castro/Twin Peaks area, I think I still am waiting on the address and details, for “pizza and Netflix.”

I obviously won’t be eating the pizza.

But I will be enjoying the company, that is a given.

And that’s all I really need to do.

I will sleep in and rise without an alarm.

No yoga at the studio.

I got a good work out today and frankly my body could use a rest.

Not sure how, but I once again sprained my fucking right ankle.

I am currently icing it.

Same ankle that I sprained right before I left for Paris in May.

Not as bad as that sprain, but still it’s gotten tight and swollen, so I took some ibuprofen and I have it elevated and I’ve got a bag of frozen peas on it.

I’m sure it will be fine after a couple of days of chilling out.

God’s way of saying, slow down.

I’ll do homework.

I might even knock out a bit tomorrow, depending.

Then Friday I’ve got the massage in Pacific Heights and I’ll do a tiny bit of Christmas shopping.

I’m not really a Black Friday kind of gal, but there are a couple of stores on Fillmore Street that I want to pop into, mainly Nest, I got a very sweet Christmas ornament there last year.

And the rest of Friday and I suspect all day Saturday, will be homework.

I’ll finish up a CBT assignment, do all of my Child an Elder Abuse homework assignments and finish up the readings for my other classes.

If there’s motivation to do so Sunday, I may write a paper, or work on my final project presentation for my Transpersonal Psychology class.

All the things.

They will get done.

The big push towards the end of the semester.

One more weekend of classes!

Whatever I don’t get done this weekend will be attended to next weekend, then, yes, one more weekend of class!

Very excited for that.

And I’m going to call it a night.

My ankle feels pretty numbed out.

Time for some tea and some rest.

Happy Thanksgiving!

May it bring you many blessings.

And.

Much.

Much joy.

 

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All The Love

January 14, 2016

I have been feeling it all day long.

It’s pretty fantastic.

Today is a special anniversary and I was reminded all day long how graced I am, how much God is in my life, how amazing and just plain fucking awesome it is to be alive.

I had a great day with the boys at work.

I even agreed to work a holiday, which I did not realize I had off-Monday.

In return, one of the days I’m in New York is now not being accounted for.

So my little jaunt to the Big Apple in May will only eat two of my vacation days rather than three.

Plus I’ll get a little over time next week and a few more bucks in my pocket.

Which will be nice as I am going to get a tattoo after all.

Not a big one, but I do really like getting a tattoo on my anniversary or there about.

I’ll be hopping over to see a friend at Let It Bleed in the good old Tenderloin on Sunday after I get out of class to add a star to my neck.

Eleven years.

Eleven stars.

Natch.

It was funny too, I was thinking about it, a bunch of friends got black star tattoos today at Body Manipulations for a David Bowie tribute and I thought, yeah, I’d love that, but um, can’t bring the kids I nanny to the tattoo parlor, you know.

My artist I normally work with is in Alameda and yeah, I know, it’s not that far, but my schedule is pretty tight and I just want one star.

So.

I thought, to myself last night as I was tossing and turning, sleepless, it took forever to fall asleep, I had so many thoughts running through my head, maybe I’ll just hop over to Castro Tattoo where my guy used to work.

Then I thought about my friend at Let It Bleed.

And who do you think I ran, or should I say “biked” into on the way to work.

DannyBoy.

Sweet.

He was crossing Masonic on his bike one way while I was crossing Masonic on my bike the other way.

We hollered at each other and it was like.

You know.

A sign from God.

Which I promptly forgot about until he tagged my social media post about the anniversary and we got to chatting and then to texting and the next thing you know.

5p.m.

This Sunday.

I’ll be getting another star.

Thank you very much.

And yes.

It will be a black star.

And it will look hella hot.

It will also go smashing with the new hair happening next weekend.

I have a lot of stuff on my plate, but man, it’s all such good stuff.

When I think about where I was last year and all the things that I have done and gone through since I turned ten, well, fuck, it’s been an incredible year.

I hadn’t applied to graduate school yet.

And here I am about to start my second semester in my first year of grad school.

I was freshly broken up with.

I was pretty raw about my dad.

I was in the dark hallway.

I’ve been happy, joyous, and free, most of the year, really, most of the time in the last eleven years, but sometimes, some years, some days, some weeks, they have been more challenging than others.

I don’t expect the work to get easier, but I do know that the results keep getting better.

And my happiness, my faith, deepens exponentially.

As long as I stay close.

As long as I do the work.

I get the results.

And it’s really good.

Life beyond my wildest dreams.

Even when it doesn’t go my way.

And often times it does, but just not in ways I was expecting.

Take for instance, I’m a tiny bit bummed, a lot really, that my friend in New York won’t be in New York when I am visiting–he sent me a birthday message today and I threw my travel dates at him–I was hoping for a hang out.

However, he’s in the Alps.

Doing an art project.

Because life if amazing.

And he offered me his place in Brooklyn while he’s away.

I have a place to stay in New York.

Free!

I am over the moon.

It is going to be so nice to have a spot to be.

I won’t have to dick around with getting in late, which I am, 10:30p.m. at night on a Thursday to JFK, by the time I roll into the city close to midnight, which might have been a challenge to check into a place.

Now.

I can just show up, be at my friends, not have to navigate an unknown place, and be settled.

I am so excited.

Plus, he’s in a good neighborhood in Brooklyn, so I’ll be hanging in the cool kids spots while I am there.

So psyched.

My whole life just has me so psyched.

It doesn’t often go the way I think it should, but it does go marvelously well, and sweet, and tender, with much love and grace and gifts that I don’t expect to receive.

I only hope I can give back a fraction of what has been given to me.

For I have been given so very much.

So much it makes my heart ache with joy to know the amount of love I have gotten to experience.

I am grateful.

I think you get that.

Full of gratitude.

Full of lightness.

Graced.

Blessed.

Loved.

Thank you.

Thank you so much for the best eleven years of my life.

I couldn’t have done it without you.


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