Posts Tagged ‘The Inner Sunset’

Unexpected Free Time

February 25, 2017

Not a lot.

But.

Oh my God.

More than enough.

I got a text this morning from the mom saying, hey you worked such a long day yesterday, come in an hour late and we’ll probably let you go an hour early.

Grandma visit.

At first I was annoyed.

I had plans!

Then I was flustered.

Shit.

I could have made plans.

I could have snuck in a yoga class this morning.

Then.

I got over myself.

Get grateful you boob!

You just got two hours knocked off your work day, be happy.

I did some extra writing.

I made a cafe au lait and read another two articles in my Couples Therapy reader–in fact, I’m only two articles away from being completely done with all my reading for the next weekend of classes.

I am super psyched for that.

I took it leisurely getting ready for work and I had a nice shower and really, my hair was on point today, I had a hella good hair day.

And when I got into work I found out that since the grandma was going to be leaving on Monday she wanted to spend extra time with the kiddos and take them on a special trip to the toy store.

Grandma, toy store, extra time with the kiddos=getting off not one hour early, but two!

“Happy Friday,” the mom said, “if you can just fold up the rest of the laundry and take these things up to the dry cleaners, you can go early, I don’t think we’ll be back from the toy store before you would be leaving anyhow, you don’t need to futz around here and twiddle your thumbs.”

“Really?” I asked.

I mean.

Yes, please and thank you, but also really, I haven’t had this much leeway in my job in some time and I realize that although I loved the family I was working for a lot, those boys, oh those sweet boys, I was under a great deal more stress to constantly be doing something.

I had to put up a lot of boundaries around taking breaks and having down time, or time to eat my food.

Not so at this job.

They are just the bees knees.

And the mom and I had a very sweet talk today about the whole process and how happy they are to have me.

I mean.

Really happy.

And I am really happy to have them.

It feels like such a good fit.

Granted I know the honey moon period will pass, issues arise, conflicts happen, but over all, wow, wow, wow, just such a great job for me.

The gaggle of baby, mama, brother, sister, and grandma headed off to pillage the toy store and I happily futzed about the house making sure everything was in order and tidy and putting away the laundry.  I did a double, triple check on things, then headed out to Noe Valley to drop off some dry cleaning for them, and killing two birds with one stone, I also dropped off some mending I needed done on my two favorite cardigans.

Then I asked for direction.

Where to next?

I had a thought about running downtown to go shop at Gap, but realized that wasn’t necessary, I didn’t have to put myself through going downtown to use the coupon that I had.

In fact, right before starting to write this blog, I just went online and applied it at the online store, basically saving $70 on my order.

I got the same dress I am currently wearing, one of the causal interview dressed I bought, in a different color (mom made a really outstanding point to me today as the baby had a huge whoopsie down the back of her shirt, pants, and yes, all over the floor, that I should have a back up set of clothes for having at the house in case such a thing happens, hence another dress like the one I’ve got on) and a racer back maxi that I was thinking, oh, yes, Paris in Spring, with a pair of sandals.

So.

Instead of going downtown into the madness, I just took the roads up and over Twin Peaks and headed to the Inner Sunset.

A quick run to the bank.

Then.

A manicure.

It was really nice to do that.

Just sit back, read a trashy magazine and get my nails done.

Such a little pleasure.

Then I took myself out for some carnitas, because, carnitas, hello.

Afterward a nice cafe au lait, decaf thank you, and I made sure it was decaf, and some fellowship with a friend from the neighborhood before doing the deal.

It was good to catch up and it’s nice to know people in my neighborhood.

I am officially a Sunset person I think, it’s been three and a half years of living out here now, I think I can call myself a part of the Sunset for sure.

After getting right with God I hopped on the scooter and made the executive decision to do my grocery shopping for the weekend.

It may rain tomorrow, already put the cover on my scooter, and I just figured, get it out-of-the-way.

And like that.

I did.

I also paid rent today for March and signed up for two yoga classes this weekend.

Fuck.

It feels good to be on top of things.

Plus.

I touched base with my supervisor at my internship and we set up a time for me to come in and fill out all the paperwork and talk about next steps.

I’ll be doing that in March, after my next weekend of classes.

So, although, yes, I do have a full weekend, it’s not so full since I got some errands done unexpectedly and let myself skip out on needlessly going downtown to make myself crazy in the shopping district.

No thanks.

I’ll take a nice mellow night in and yoga in the morning instead.

I’ve got a meet up with a lady to do some reading and then my dentist appointment at 4p.m.

Fingers crossed.

It’s been awhile, but happy to be addressing it.

Then a small dinner party in Noe Valley with some ladies in my cohort and a T.A. from the summer session of classes at the beginning of the school year.

Feels like a nice way to start the weekend.

I’m ready.

Happy Friday!

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Calendaring

July 10, 2016

Seriously people.

This is a thing.

I need to be booking dates with folks weeks out it feels like.

Sometimes it just feels like too much and I want to cancel, but then, I am so glad I didn’t.

I even made it to Oakland today!

I know.

Right?!

Big fucking move, taking the BART going across the bay, I mean, I came from the Outer Sunset, which, fuck, for people in the Mission is a distance.

Makes me laugh, but that’s pretty much what it’s like.

Oakland?

Berkeley?

Cool places, but I’m in San Francisco, sometimes the effort to get to the Inner Sunset is too much on my day off.

But I’m glad I did, did get to the Inner Sunset, did do the deal, did hear some fantastic recovery, did get to be of service to some women I know and did get to share my experience.

Which is only valuable if I pass it on.

Then.

A manicure, a little lunch, and the train downtown to catch the BART to go to West Oakland for a friend’s birthday party and housewarming.

It was lovely.

And sunny!

And warm.

It was really good to see my friend, though it took me a minute to get comfortable with being there, but hey, hand me a baby who is four and a half months old and I’m all ready to hang out all night long.

“You’re really good with him,” the parents were rather in awe and I just smiled and talked with them and said it was no trouble at all, I mean, seriously, the warm, just baked baby smell wafting from his head.

I couldn’t decide if I want to eat him or squash him in my bag and take him with.

So delicious.

So divine.

The soft, sweet, warm pressure of a tiny foot in the palm of my hand.

The heaviness of his head on my chest.

I was in infant heaven.

And the parents, it was adorable, they were so relieved to just have moment to be themselves, I could tell they’ve not had much sleep, but so kind and lovely and it was nice to just hold the baby for awhile.

The mom took a picture of my with her son.

I have no clue what the parents names were, in one ear and out the other.

But the baby.

His name is Maverick.

And he was beyond scrumptious.

Then.

My friend from school showed up with her husband, I had no clue they were coming and it was just such a lovely confluence of people and conversation and suddenly what had seemed, in my head, a chore, was the most surprising mix of new friendships and plans to go dancing and have dinner and socialize.

I like to socialize.

I forget this.

I can be awkward and shy and then, not.

Just wide open and fun and ready to hang out and talk and I was absolutely astounded that it was nine o’clock.

I had been there for five hours and if you had asked me that when I first got there, I would have said, five minutes, I give this party five minutes, then I’m out.

That’s the nature of my disease sometimes.

I just want to isolate.

So realizing that.

I could immediately see that I need to start connecting with people before the summer is over and I’m back in school.

My friend and her husband and I are making dancing plans.

I got a message from another friend about finally getting our asses over to the new MOMA and getting shared membership there.

We are thinking next Sunday.

I also might have a brunch date, Tinder.

Which would be a second date with said gentleman.

No, none of these dates have been in the bedroom, thanks for asking.

Although there is possibility there.

I may have another date sometime this week, but nothing confirmed.

Just out there having fun, y’all.

And of course.

There is the big get together out in the desert coming up that I need to prepare for.

You know what I have done today?

Aside from conferring with the person I asked for help with regarding getting the ticket.

I looked online at parasol’s.

Yeah.

I know.

I didn’t look for a ride up, which I should definitely get the fuck on.

I didn’t look for a tent, which I definitely need, since I have no gear.

Nope.

I looked for a parasol.

Ha.

God damn.

I amuse myself.

I will get on that too.

But today, tonight, I just wanted to get connected with people in my life.

I also might go to the Diana Ross show Tuesday night, just got a message from a friend regarding an extra free ticket.

Diana Ross?

Free?

Hells yes.

I’ll put on my new disco heels from New Orleans and do my hair up real big.

Oh my gosh!

It does look like I’ll be going to Diana Ross!

Holy shit.

And I may have two tickets.

Yes!

I am going to Miss Diana Ross on Tuesday!

How fucking fabulous.

And.

I just confirmed a dinner date and tea, with possible make out, for tomorrow night.

Excellent.

Nice weekend.

And all totally unexpected.

But so grateful to get to do stuff like this, to have connections, to live life, in fabulous San Francisco.

Which doesn’t mean I don’t have plenty of just regular, getting it done, doing the deal, going to yoga, it’s been a minute, and groceries and cooking to do.

That all goes in the calendar too.

Just means.

That I have a rich, full, wonderful life.

Especially when I get out of my own way and let the plans fall to the side and let myself be open to going places outside my comfort zone.

Like.

Oakland.

Ha.

Who knew.

It has sparked a delicious domino affect of friends and plans and goings on.

So grateful.

So happy, joyous, free.

Even when it’s foggy.

Luckiest girl in the world.

It’s true.

All The Gifts

June 26, 2016

The constellations in the sky.

The love in my heart.

The ocean, the waves this twilight, late afternoon walk to the beach, perfect curls and peals and no one there.

No one.

The whole city, and a few extra thousand folks, were all at Pride.

I didn’t have FOMO.

Fear.

Of.

Missing.

Out.

I thought I would, but truth is, I’m in the Mission and the Castro a lot and it felt like it was going to be like going to work and all the traffic and the drinking and sloppy, I just didn’t have it in me.

Although I did get dressed up for it, just in case I happened to change my mind.

I did the yoga and that was great.

Felt nice to be in the studio and stretch and get strong.

I had a nice breakfast at home then scootered up to the Inner Sunset and met my person and did the deal and connected and got perspective.

And fuck.

The gratitude.

Just whelmed me.

That I get to do all the things that I do.

That I get to go to New Orleans next weekend.

Next weekend!

I mean, it feels like I just got back from New York.

Heh.

I sort of did.

I mean.

There was a moment, and it was so brief, that I just waved it off, swatted it like a little gnat, I don’t have a date for Saturday night, oh boo hoo.

Blah.

Blah.

Blah.

You know.

The thing is, I do.

Me.

And I am damn fine company and not that there’s not interest.

There is.

I just have some rules about dating that I am pretty unbendable on, even if he is hella cute.

No touching.

Hands off.

That’s the policy, always has been, always will be, but it was sweet to get his messages and catch up, we’ve known each other for years and always stayed in touch.

We reconnected and that was nice.

Although, also a tiny bit disappointing to hear that there was a misadventure and a return to day counting.

Le sigh.

Oh well.

So it goes.

Although, it was sweet to hear the incredulity he had that I was still single.

I’m saving myself for Mike Doughty.

Ha.

Anyway.

I took myself down to the beach and I had me a me date and it was fantastic and I sat in the dunes and let the wind rumple my crinoline and sat with my face in the sun and let God blow love into my heart.

It was a good time.

I’m such a lucky girl.

Pink hair and all.

I think that this is going to be it for a while on the hair color too.

Time to go back to brown.

I’ll spend the summer pretty in pink, but yeah, I have been thinking it could be time to go back to my natural color.

I also thought about hacking it all off at the end of summer.

Go short again, cut off all the colored bits.

That’s on the table though, I do love my long, curly hair, I do.

But.

Yeah.

Maybe back to natural.

Who cares?

I am rambling.

Oh.

Ha.

And I could have had a date tonight too, now that I am reflecting.

I must have been putting it out there on my way back from the beach, I don’t know how the guy didn’t hit me, but I literally had a guy whip across the MUNI tracks and pull his car in front of me while I was crossing the street at Judah and 46th and ask me what I was doing tonight.

I was like.

What the fuck?

Do I really look like a prostitute?

Were you just hoping I would say, well, dear, I wasn’t doing anything, but since you zipped up in your brand new bright orange SUV mini Cooper (which is so not mini and so ugly), I’ve totally changed my mind.

Let me get in your car and give you a blow job.

What you say?

Fuck off.

I just walked around the car and kept going.

I’m not sure if he thought I was a working girl, I mean, I am sure there’s lots of extracurricular action going on this weekend, but come on.

I was walking home in my flip flops.

Of course, I am tall, maybe he didn’t see the beach wear.

Just the bright, hot pink, hella big, curly hair waving around my pink glitter lips.

I get it, but seriously, fuck off.

Besides, like I said, Mikey, I’ll be waiting for you, nice and cozy, down here by the sea in my little love shack.

hahahaha.

Oh.

I fucking amuse myself.

I do have a thought though to message him when he gets to San Francisco.

Then.

I heard “Don’t You Forget About Me,” and I heard Shadrach in my heart.

“Be the ball, Martines, be the ball.”

Yeah.

Like that.

Go where the water is warm.

Let myself be pursued.

I’m not real good at that, but I’m willing to try.

Flowers yo, courting, pursue me, damn it.

Ah.

Fuck.

I feel like I’m trying all sorts of things.

Although I have yet, and really don’t plan on doing so, returned to OkStupid.

I can’t bring myself to do it, after having a profile on that site for like six, seven years, time to move on, it didn’t work.

And.

Yet.

I still feel like I am hurtling, inexorably toward the man I am supposed to be with.

So.

So.

So.

Not worried.

I’m in love with me.

Yeah.

I know what that sounds like, you can fuck off, but it’s true.

I really do feel that way.

It only took like a few decades or so.

Heh.

And it may change tomorrow.

But right now.

Life is so fucking good.

It really is.

I have so many astounding gifts.

I am so grateful.

If life were fair.

I would be dead.

I am alive.

I am a light.

I am loved.

I am.

I am.

I am.

So.

Very.

Loved.

 

I Really Don’t Know

March 6, 2016

How that happened.

I mean.

It’s 9:15 p.m. on a Saturday and how the hell did that all get done?

I do know I started my day with a little anxiety that it would not all get done, that I would somehow fuck it up and the day would be blown.

It didn’t help that someone mentioned House of Cards came out with its season 4.

Fuck me.

I did not need to know that.

Suffice to say I probably will not be watching that until I finish this semester of school work.

The writing is beginning to thrum up and I had to do the first of two papers that are due this upcoming weekend of classes.

I just finished the first one and to celebrate fell into a temporary Hello Kitty polka dot slippers for adults internet black hole.

I do not know how that happened.

Innocently facecracking and then, whomp!

In Hello Kitty never never land.

Get me out!

I had other Hello Kitty experiences today, but I get a head of myself.

I knew when I woke up what I had to do and what I wanted to do and I wasn’t sure they were going to coincide with each other.

I also knew that I had to basically put my recovery first, really, always that first, otherwise nothing else will follow, which meant doing my morning routine, some reading, some prayers, some writing, breakfast, coffee, dress, make up, hat on the hair, out the door out to the MUNI train, or bus, damn it they’re still doing work on the tunnel between Duboce and Cole Valley, and up to the Inner Sunset.

The first half of my day was pretty much devoted to that neck of the woods.

I went to see some fellows at 7th and Irving at 11 a.m.

Then after to Tart to Tart to get down with some inventory’ing and heart laying bare.

Surprised, always surprised, by the insights granted to me.

Emotionally wrung out and also a little remiss that we didn’t finish, I really thought we were going to get it all done in one sitting, I mean, four people on it, that’s so small, but we went pretty deep, and stuff it came the fuck out.

Whew.

So.

I took it easy, meandered out to lunch, said, screw the yoga, go get your nails did.

Done.

Back on the train and the rain started to fall and the wind started to bluster and I’m in flip flops since I don’t want to ruin my pedicure.

which I ruin anyhow.

Sigh.

Then.

Off to the Middle Sunset, just after 19th avenue.

I had an adventure to go on,  a field trip for school.

Which I had to do today.

I had to have an immersed, experiential experience for a paper, the one that I just finished writing, and no, I don’t know exactly how the words come, but they did and I knocked out four pages at 1627 words in 11 point font.

What is up with my professors?

I mean.

Fuck.

I’m glad I double checked the syllabus to see if it was a paper that I could e-mail to my professor or if I had to print it off.

Print it off and hand it in.

Then, I saw that yes it was double spacing on the paper, but fuck, 11 point, not 12 point font.

Fortunately the paper was also 3-5 pages and I wrote a full five in 12 pt.

I did lose a full page when I adjusted down the font size, but I still had four pages.

It was actually a lot of fun to do the exploration and I saw things that I have never seen before and had a little adventure in being a human.

I am also grateful for the weather.

The markets on Irving between 19th and 22nd are bustling and jam packed on the weekends, the blustery winds and rain kept the stores a little less jostled and full.

I was glad for the space.

I went into about four smaller markets before I went into the behemoth on Irving and 22nd, the Sunset Supermarket.

It is huge and it’s all Asian and nothing’s in English and I had my submersion experience for sure.  I was the only woman in the store that was not Asian, I did run into an older white guy buying something and a couple of younger guys out front picking through vegetables and trying to figure out what to make for dinner, but other than that, all Asian all the time.

All the noodles!

All the soy sauce.

All the packages with pandas and Hello Kitty in the snack aisle.

I wandered and looked and felt like the elephant in the room, but also, it was rather cool, to be in a new place, to not know, to be surprised, and to also see how human we all are.

And how little I know.

I mean, there is just so much to learn.

I could not learn it all.

I never will.

I will always be a beginner.

In something, at all times, I will never be entirely proficient at all the things all the times.

There is just no way.

And I can choose to be overwhelmed by it or I can rejoice in the differences and the constant availability, if I so choose, to learn, to explore, to experience.

I also was absolutely and utterly surprised to come face to face with a gigantic tank of catfish gaping and bumping their whiskered faces against the glass fronted aquarium.

There were tanks and tanks and tanks of fish.

Live geoduck.

Stacks of shrimp.

More tanks with lobsters, crabs, urchin.

I didn’t get too close, it was crowded, loud, bustling, and I was getting a touch overwhelmed by the whole adventure, and I also felt that I had enough to write about and it was time to head home.

I left the store, walked around the corner and got the best surprise yet.

I don’t know why I stopped, but I did, I saw something out of the corner of my eye, that’s odd, what kind of delivery truck is that?

I looked at the side of the tank, Chinese symbols, then underneath in small English print (slightly larger than 12 pt, but not by much) I read: Live Fish Delivery Vehicle.

Whoa.

One man stood next to a large tank on the truck bed and scooped a huge net into it and lowered a pile of flopping and flipping and squirming fish into a large Rubber Made garbage can on wheels, while the second made sure none of the fish flopped out.

Extraordinary what I get to see when I go outside my comfort zone and do something different.

I continued in that vein, outside my comfort zone, and showed up for another yoga class today.

Yup.

I had said screw yoga, but as it turns out I made it back to the hood in time for the 4:30 p.m. class and I decided to go and not think for an hour and fifteen minutes and get my yoga on.

I’m sore.

And I was tired.

But I dashed up to Other Avenues after, picked up a few things to round out dinner, and came back here.

Hot shower.

Hot, homemade dinner.

Hot tea.

Then.

Sitting and feeling myself in my body.

I flipped through a few readings from my Multi-Cultural class, did some online research about the demographics of the Inner Sunset, heavily Asian American, and started writing.

And somehow.

It came out.

Even when I wasn’t sure what I would be writing, it just came out.

Grateful for that.

Grateful for this little blog, she (I, I always mean me) gets me in some trouble sometimes, most times though, it’s a delight to have this practice, it helps me process and the practice of writing every day, twice a day, well, it comes in handy with writing the grad school papers.

One down, one to go.

Not tonight, though, no more tonight.

A cup of tea, a video, and yes, sleeping.

I am tuckered out.

T u c k e r e d.

Out.

What The Fuck Was That?

February 12, 2015

I just had the most intense flight or fight response I have had in quite sometime.

I got a lot of news about some people I care for in short period of time.

Including a friend who has been trying to use like a gentleman and not having a good go of it, someone I love and care about and had to tell, hey, I love you, but I can’t talk to you when your intoxicated.

Then not being able to get a hold of someone who I was worried about and had a brief monstrous flash of what could be wrong.

Fortunately I was incorrect, but it was an intense moment, standing in the door way of my studio pacing back and forth trying to get a hold of someone on the phone while receiving texts about my friend using drugs at the same time.

Ack.

Then, well, I go where I need to go and on Wednesdays that’s changed since the break up with my ex.

I used to see him on Wednesdays on the regular before we were dating at this one spot in the Inner Sunset.

Then my job changed and I stopped going there, and when we broke up, it was completely off the table to show up there.

We agreed to the 90 days no contact and I have honored that.

So.

You know, surprised, might be an understatement, to see him walk into the Beach Burrito not ten feet away from where I am standing at 8:25 p.m. this evening.

Fuck me.

I went tharn.

That would be, like a rabbit caught in the headlights as it’s about to be mowed down by a car, made up word stolen from one of my favorite works of fiction.

Watership Down, Richard Adams.

I was knocked over by the feeling.

Ow.

My heart.

Really?

Right then.

Relapsing friend.

Another friend missing in action.

Catching my breath, trying to breathe, then my ex walks into the fucking burrito shop ten feet away from me.

He waved.

I don’t know that I did, I don’t think I waved, that is.

I don’t know what I did.

I did of course.

Tear up.

Wallop!

Smash!

Run!

My heart beat, my eyes watered, I was shell-shocked.

It shouldn’t hurt like that.

Like what?

I mean, I don’t know.

I haven’t been in a serious relationship in a while.

Despite it being short, it was sober and real and intense and lots of emotions were stirred up and it was a deep learning experience.

I feel things.

I am a sensitive bunny.

That’s why I like the jackalope, it’s got some horns.  One doesn’t fuck with a jackalope, one might get pronged.

Ah.

My heart on a pair of horns.

But my God has me, takes care of me, makes sure that I can handle exactly everything that I have been handed.

My best friend calls thirty seconds after I see the ex go into the burrito joint with another woman.

I am standing looking into a room while I am on the phone with her, the room, full of smiling faces, warmth, laughter, friends, all I have to do is take a breath, pray, and walk over that threshold.

Sit down and be enveloped in my fellowship.

Thank you God for this experience.

I have not been painted into a corner, I was just made vulnerable, soft, washed out with salt and tears and hollowed out to hold the light that was there, Christmas lights, white on the floor, glowing in the dark, softly blurred from the tears running down my face.

I am grateful for this.

I am grateful for these feelings.

It means I am alive.

And I can hold more than one emotion at a time.

There’s room for them all.

Even for humor.

I mean, it’s funny, the details are more convoluted and ridiculous the more that I looked at them, how human, how connected the people in my life are and how the picture continues to change and grow.

“Look at all your hair,” he, a friend I was surprised to see in my neck of the woods, said to me afterward, when the lights came up, the candlelight done for the week, to return next Wednesday, same time, same channel, hopefully less an  ex boyfriend eating Mexican next door.

I hugged him.

God he felt good.

“What are you doing over here, didn’t you move to Berkeley?”  I asked.

“Ayup, class today,” he said and sparkled at me.

Damn.

You look good.

But you’re not on the list.

I asked you out once before.

You said no, let’s be friends.

And friends we are, but you know.

When you bury your face in my neck and smell me, I wonder, you know.

We caught up.

I told him about what had happened, in a bit more detail than here.

There are things I can write about are through my own lens and there are things that I can’t.  I don’t want to write about people I know and love except in the vaguest way–anything that is unkind or breaking a confidence, I just cannot put here.

Other people and their lives are not my business to write about, how I feel, what I do, how I live my life, my experiences, those are the things I can write about.

I’m tiptoeing a fine line is what I’m saying, but I could tell my friend that I saw tonight in a bit more detail, namely because he didn’t know any of the people I was talking about.

Then we talked about money.

Student loans specifically.

“I figure I just take the next action and if I get in, God will put the money there, it will happen,” I said.  “I mean, it’s only $50,000 a year, for three years.”  I think I may have blanched saying that, but since my friend’s in nursing school he knows, his tuition at a private university is about the same.

Just a little thing called faith.

“Hey let’s bounce,” my friend’s ride came over.

He hugged me again, I mean hugged me.

It was snuggly.

Boy howdy I needed that.

Then it slipped out, “are you sure we shouldn’t get together and snuggle,” I whispered in his ear.

“I mean, I know you don’t want to date me, we’ve already covered that ground before,” I teased him.

“Well, I think, maybe, I should rethink that, we should go out and have dinner,” he said.

“Yes we should.”  I said and hugged him back.

I wasn’t expecting that.

I don’t know that it could have happened at a better time.

And though he wasn’t on the list, since, I had asked him out over a year ago, he would have been on the top of it at a certain point in our acquaintanceship.

Everything works out.

I don’t have to know the how and the why of it.

I just need to know that it will.

Fall into place.

 

Everything falls into place.

It falls right into place.

Because you’ve got a big heart, baby.

Oh, you’ve got a big heart, it’s true.

Another One Bites the Dust

February 10, 2015

Check.

I just scratched another name off the list of ten guys I would be interested in going out with.

This makes number three and boy howdy was he surprised when I dropped the bomb.

It was funny.

I hung out with friends tonight, you know, doing that fellowship thing, even when I’m not eating the pizza, I need to do it–fellowship, that is, not pizza.

And I am really glad I did, I got invited to go swimming at China Beach and try out some body surfing, which is something I have wanted to try for some time now.

Anywho.

Get to the point here.

I wrote my number down and my name, like he doesn’t know it, he’s known me for 10 years, and touched his arm, handed it off and said, something to the effect of:

“Now that you have a tattoo (tattoos being on my ideal list) I can ask you out.  Here’s my number, if you ever want to go out and grab a coffee let me know.  I’m practicing asking guys out and the whole dating thing.”

He fumbled, “Me?”

“Huh?”

“Uh, um, I don’t ah, usually date you know, in the….”

“Yeah, I gotcha, no worries, I’m just practicing,” I said.

And I didn’t even blush.

“Well, you know, maybe we could do a coffee sometime, um, I…”

“No pressure,” I laughed, “don’t feel weird, no weirdness here, heck I even asked out your friend at one point awhile back, don’t feel too special.”

I smiled, “night.”

I turned, unlocked my bicycle and hopped on it, rode off down the road and into the sunset.

Well, it was late, not the proverbial sunset, but the Sunset, where I live.

It was a giddy ride home.

I almost could make a habit of asking guys out, I certainly get a jolt of adrenalin from doing it.

I can tell the answer is no and he won’t be calling and I’m so cool with it, it’s not even funny, I’m just pleased as punch, to continue the lazy use of cliché, that I asked.

Another one-off the list.

Another fantasy squashed.

I really didn’t ever think he would, I never got that vibe from him, but I like him, he’s smart, and he’s very funny.

Two characteristics I am a big fan of.

So.

Next.

Oh.

And the gentleman I called yesterday and called an asshole on his voicemail sent me the no response response, which is basically a no, in a twee little text message this afternoon.

My response, “oh you’re fucking funny.”

And he is.

And the response he gave me was funny.

I can’t wait for the ribbing I’m going to get when I see him next.

Hopefully I’ll be dating someone so I don’t have to listen to his crap for too long.

I am getting to see some funny stuff here with the dating.

Oh.

What else is funny?

OkCupid picked up and re-Tweeted my blog from last night and I got a huge amount of reads off it, which was cool, but I wanted to ask the robot, “did a human read what I wrote, do you know I call your service OkStupid?”

Ha.

Oh.

Good times.

“Breaking up is good for you,” he said to me over a slice of pizza at Pasquale’s in the Inner Sunset, “your writing has been on fire.”

Thanks.

I appreciate that.

I do love to do the writing and if one of the consequences of my break up is better quality blogs, hey, bring it on.

I’m so grateful for this blog, for putting it out there, for not caring, too much, who reads what, for having a forum to dump my day into.

All the goofy stuff that goes through my brain, all the dreams and fantasy, all the angst and anxiety, and the silliness of myself that I get to let go of.

It’s the best and I’ve also become quite a fast typist.

Really, my words per minute is off the hook.

I have to say I am glad for the dating experience, and man it is an experience, a lot of work,  a lot of self-discovery, a lot of letting go of results.

And every time I get the surprised who me, or the tee hee response of someone who isn’t right for me, it makes it a little easier to go onto the next one.

I have complete faith that I am on the right track.

Oh.

I don’t know that I am taking the “right” actions.

I can sit here in my head and debate right and wrong all night long and not take any action whatsoever, because I want to make sure it’s the right one.

Rather.

I’m bumble fucking the hell around and providing myself with some ridiculous life experiences.

Ones I would not have if I was keeping myself to myself all the time.

I have to be willing to look like an ass if I’m going to get anywhere with this thing.

I’m not even feeling rejection from the last two guys, and you know, rejection is God’s protection, I’m just feeling ok, cool, moving on.

And not in a strident kind of way.

Just going with the flow.

Moving on.

Easy like.

I suspect too, that the more action I take, the more results I’m going to get.

I just have to continue to put it out there.

It’s going to be the thing that I don’t think will work, or the guy that I never would have asked out, except that I said I would take someone else’s suggestion.

It’s going to be right when I am left.

Or up when I am down.

Sideways and silly.

I just have to let it all out and do my thing.

Do your thang, do your thang, make my body sing

Let me see you do your thing now

And who knows, maybe some one will ask me out.

Now that would be something.

Just as long as it’s not on Tinder.

I am done with that.

Here’s to making a fool of myself and living through the experience.

To making an ass of myself.

In the best possible way.

For yet another day.


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