Posts Tagged ‘transcripts’

Shaky Hands

June 10, 2018

I actually had some nerves today.

Oh.

I suppose, I have a touch of anxiety all the time, but I do manage it for the most part decently, but today, I noticed, shit, my hands are actually trembling.

Big.

Deep.

Breath.

Everything is ok

And of course it was.

Everything was fabulous, but I was still nervous.

I was putting together all the pieces for my BBS application for my AMFT#.

This number which will prove to the therapy world in general that I actually graduated from an accredited university with a program that fulfills all the BBS requirements for eventual licensure.

Graduated with a 4.0 to boot.

Not that I think any of my clients are every going to ask what my GPA is, none have so far.

I certainly didn’t think about asking my therapist that, didn’t cross my mind.

Didn’t really need to.

I know she’s licensed and she was transparent with me and let me know that she had gone to CIIS as well, which was so helpful, has continued to be helpful, and she has become such a resource for me.

She was an advocate for me going after a private practice internship and she told me point-blank that she would refer clients to me.

That’s probably a better recommendation for a client to know than my GPA.

Granted.

I am damn proud of it, I worked my ass off to get through his program and I got through.

And sitting at my table watching the YouTube instructional video on how to fill out my BBS application really brought it all together.

How much work to get to this point.

Filling out this huge application.

Getting LiveScan fingerprinting, which basically goes to the DOJ and the FBI and then to the BBS to find out if I have anything wonky on my record, which, of course I don’t.

I mean.

I have been background checked for two different nanny jobs, plus my school’s program requires it before I am allowed to go into practicum, as I would be seeing clients, so I knew nothing was going to come up.

But the DOJ and the FBI?

Wowzers.

Next to the stack of application were my two envelopes stamped “Do Not Open” in bright red block letters, from my school.

One envelope held my transcripts.

The other envelope held the program requirements and verified that my program met all BBS requirements, like that I took Child/Elder/Spousal Abuse, or Psychopharmacology, and of course the big guy, the class on the DSM V.

Attached to the application was also my passport photo that I got at the Walgreens in the Castro last Saturday.

“You’re really pretty,” the young woman said who took my photo.

Thanks sugar, I was busy scrutinizing the furrowed lines in my brow and wondering if they had come about from all the reading that I had done over the last three years.

Then.

Another check, this time made out to the Behavioral Sciences Fund.

I don’t have a clue what that funds, but hey, here’s some money.

Now please.

Process my application and get my number to be ASAP!

Please and thank you.

And when I was in group supervision today I found out that the turn around time on the AMFT# is far quicker than I had thought.

I was told I would probably get my number in a month!

Holy cats.

So.

I let said cat out of the bag and told my supervision group that I had obtained a private practice internship and I would be leaving them for her.

It was really nice to receive the congratulations and the acknowledgement of the work that I have done and also that I was super lucky, one of the members in my group has done work with my soon to be supervisor and we both gushed about her.

It was good timing to, for me, to find this out, because it started me in the mode of what I will do next to wrap up with my clients.

I will begin telling them soon, giving them all the opportunity to find closure with me and also that I will be available to them if they want to continue working with me.

It feels super great too that any clients that opt to come with me will be able to continue to go to the same facility.

I won’t be moving at all.

I will just be in a different office, instead of in a different office every night.

So.

Yes.

I noticed the shaky hands and I told myself it was ok, that I was doing great, that I had it all filled out correctly and if I had somehow fucked it up that would be ok too.

But I don’t think that I did.

I am pretty damn sure I crossed all my t’s and dotted all the i’s.

I headed to the mid Sunset and dropped it all into a fat envelope and spent the extra money, as the YouTube video insisted that I do, for tracking and I sent it certified mail so that it is signed for and I will now when they receive it.

I was told they would get it by Monday!

Holy crap.

So.

Sometime in July, fingers crossed, I shall get my AMFT# and I will be able to make the transition to the other internship.

An internship that I am very ready for.

I also called CAMFT and talked to a person there about what my supervisor and I need to do to set up the private practice internship.

I was given really good suggestions and directed to an article on the topic.

I will be reading that soon.

I have a “next steps” meeting with my new supervisor July 11.

I can’t wait.

I don’t know if I will have my number in hand.

But I know I will have it awfully soon.

And hopefully I will have a steady hand when I open the envelope from the BBS.

Fuck.

Who cares.

I certainly won’t.

But I might whoop with glee.

I have done that a few times today.

It feels so good to take positive actions.

So.

So.

So.

Good.

Almost There!

February 25, 2018

I am almost done with my PhD application!

I have submitted my writing sample–ten pages of an academic paper I wrote for my Transpersonal Spirituality class.

I figured that was a good paper to submit to the program as it, the PhD, is in Transformative Inquiry.

I refreshed and polished my resume and updated it so that it was applicable to the application and I sent that in as well.

I did the online application and submitted that.

I contacted both of the people who wrote me letters of recommendation and confirmed that they had sent said letters to the department.

And.

I ordered my transcripts from UW Madison and CIIS.

I was a little miffed at first that I had to order transcripts.

Can’t the admissions office just look up the transcripts I already sent in from UW Madison when I applied for the Masters program?

And.

Really?

Does the admissions department need a sealed envelope from the registrars office.

Can’t someone just walk that shit down from the 4th floor to the second floor?

I mean.

Fucking come on.

But.

Then I was like.

Ok, not my rules, not my bailiwick, not my place to criticize, not going to change anything by getting all fired up and I certainly am not going to fucking sabotage myself by not getting the transcripts to the admissions team.

So.

I shelled out the $40 bucks and ordered them to be delivered.

They should get there by the time the deadline closes for the applications.

And if they don’t, which I think they will, I will contact the dean of the Transformative Inquiry program and show copies of the receipts indicating that the materials are on the way.

I don’t think it will be a problem and I will also, now that I’m thinking about it, draft her an e-mail and just let her know I was unaware that they would need my transcripts again since I am currently enrolled at the university, that I paid to have them rushed delivered and shit, she can just look me up online and see that I have a 4.0 for my Masters degree.

It’s silly stuff, but I’d rather pay out the little extra and make sure that I dot my “i’s” and cross my “t’s.”

And really I am happy to do the work.

Although it is a little nerve-wracking.

I had a moment earlier today when I just didn’t know if I was going to get it all done and it felt really overwhelming and I had a mild fuck it moment.

But.

Then I remembered the glowing letters of recommendation that I have received and I thought about how disappointed I would be in myself and I just told myself to take some deep breaths and just do the next action in front of me.

Nothing more.

Just that.

Which at one point was just wash my breakfast dishes.

Then.

It was to do my morning writing.

I had hit a place in the online application process where I felt I was too anxious to continue doing it and I realized that a good way to quell that anxiety would be to do my morning pages.

So.

I just stopped working on the application and wrote three and a half pages long hand and then I did my hair and make up.

I got sassy today too.

I was feeling it.

It helps sometimes for me to get sassy when I am working on something like this, it brings my energy up to be playful and dressed up.

I dare say it worked.

I also focused on doing what the next thing was all day long.

After I got my transcripts ordered I had to mail out a piece of mail and I had to go to group supervision.

So.

I did just that.

I got in my car and I drove to the nearest mailbox and I sent off a signed document for permission to send my transcripts from CIIS to CIIS.

I let go of resentment and judgement around it and just sent in the request.

Then I drove to my internship.

Getting there with just enough time to run to Gus’s Market and grab a to go box and get a salad for lunch.

I sat through two hours of group supervision, I discussed clients, I talked about personal self-care, I checked in about a new client and I supported the other trainees in the room with their processes.

After group supervision I dashed over to Optical Underground, which had moved from Grant Avenue to Linden Alley.

The traffic was hellacious, but I made it there on time and I was able to pick out two new frames for my new prescription.

I, yes, splurged on some prescription sunglasses, and I got a nice new pair for progressive glasses for every day use.

I also asked that they tighten up my current frames, which had gone all loosey goosey on me.

I am really happy I got the glasses and then I bounced to the bank to deposit a check from my employers for the over time I worked this past week.

They always pay me for overtime in cash rather than having me get taxed, which is really quite nice.

Filled up the car with gas and found parking close to my nail salon.

Manicure and eye brow waxing.

Then off to do the deal.

And back home.

I wasn’t going to do a bunch more work on the application.

But I had a moment of realizing that I could do it, that there were in fact, a few things that I could just address tonight and get out-of-the-way.

Thus the resume, the transcript order (first one I did earlier and I couldn’t figure out how to access my UW Madison account before I left for group supervision) for the second set of transcripts, the academic writing sample (ten pages that I went back over and combed and edited to tighten and polish), and the resume.

And.

Voila!

I only have to do the autobiographical statement tomorrow and a statement about my goals for the program.

I should be able to knock that out in an hour.

Very happy with everything I got done today.

God damn.

I am almost done with my PhD application!

How crazy is that?

We Feel Really Lucky

October 7, 2014

To have you.

The mom told me tonight as I was getting ready to leave.

I stayed late to help put the boys to bed.

“I hope I’m not saying that too much,” she added, “we just really do feel lucky to have you.”

I don’t mind at all.

Thank you.

In fact, thank you very, very much.

“I feel very lucky to be here,” I replied and smiled, “I just adore the boys, they are awesome.”

And they are.

Yes.

They can be little bit of a  hand full and they are still getting used to me and I to them, but we are working it out and it doesn’t hurt that I am being so well taken care of.

“This is for you,” the mom said this morning as I came in and handed me a check with two months of health insurance compensation on it.

September and October covered and that is awesome as my student loans come out of forbearance this month.  I got the notice from my student loan servicing today when I got home from work.  I knew it was coming, I have it set up in my calendar and the company will just do an automatic withdrawal from my account on the due date of the loan payment.

This of course made me think of graduate school and the next steps that need to be taken.

Yesterday one of the things that I took care of doing was prepping my transcripts and filling in what I could on the electronic application for the school.

I could not get as far as I wanted as I realized that the application was actually not yet open for the fall term for 2015.  The site still is accepting applications for this spring session.  The fall session application will open on November 15th.

So I have another month really before the application is even applicable.

I like to have momentum going, however, and plan to continue doing little bits and pieces of the application as the weeks go by.

One of them, aside from ordering my transcripts, which I did get an electronic copy yesterday sent to me (I must have a hard copy sent to the department once the admissions for fall 2015 open), is to figure out who to ask for a letter of recommendation from.

They application states that it should be someone involved with my academic career.

Except.

Well.

I haven’t been in school in over 12 years.

I doubt any of my old professors or teaching assistants would remember me.

Well, maybe a few, I actually was friends with a few of my T.A.’s and I don’t doubt that they would remember, except it just seems to far removed to contact a T.A. friend who was a regular at the bar I worked at in college.

I was thinking today when I was doing my morning writing that perhaps I will ask the mom of the little girl that I used to take care of on Thursdays.

She, the mom, not the little girl (although I don’t doubt her intelligence is going to get her far) is a professor at the University of San Francisco.

“You’ll be great in grad school!” She told me the last time we talked, my last day with her little girl.

She might be a person to speak to for it.

I have a few other ideas, I’ll see if they make sense and ask those folks.

I just know that aside from the writing classes I took with Alan Kaufman, and those too were quite a well ago, over seven years ago now, almost eight, that I don’t have academic connections or experiences under my belt.

Now.

I think that I have a shit ton of life experience and I have certainly done my fair share of learning over the last few years and the writing every day for the last five years certainly shows a sign of stick to it ness that I don’t doubt will be a valuable asset to my application.

I do a lot of soul-searching in these pages and I have tried a lot of things.

I call this education on the basest level.

I actively seek experiences and try to have new things happening in my life, whether it is travel, or going to a museum in town that I have never been to, or going on an adventure that I think would be interesting–horseback riding, trampolining–I try to do things in my life that help me learn.

I don’t always succeed.

Sometimes I just want to come home and have a cup of tea and watch a video, but I do try to get out there into the world and when I think about all the things that I have done since I recieved my undergraduate degree, I could be awarded a PhD in life.

Well.

Maybe just a Masters.

Nonetheless, I think there are enough folks in my life that could vouche for me being a good student or an asset to an institution.

I feel like the one area that I want to be careful about is to not rely too heavily on my recovery experiences and the folks that I have worked with over the years.

I have often times told some one that I am not their therapist, nor their advisor, rather an ear, a person who shows up and is accountable and present for their experience.  Someone who will share their experience, not advise, and be there as a loving witness.

I could tell the admissions department I am really good at listening without judgement.

I have nine years of doing that.

More when I think about how long I was in restaurant management, half the time I was assuaging some sore ego or helping someone through a heartbreak or a parents death.

I did a lot of listening and no little counseling when I was a manager.

These are all things to think on as I move forward.

So too, the academic writing sample I need to provide for the application.

I cannot remember the last time I wrote a paper for a class.

It was back in the late spring of 2002 I would presume, since that is when I graduated.

I think I had one paper that I had to turn in and I did it right after I walked in the ceremony.

I dont’ have a clue what I will write about.

The application also requires a letter of intent and that is much easier, it gets to be a sort of personal essay about my life and my goals and my desires for the program and where it will take me.

That I can do.

Well.

I can do it all.

I don’t have to do it all tonight.

All I need to do for the rest of the night is put the kettle on.

It’s tea time.


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