Posts Tagged ‘under the table’

It’s The Weekend!

April 1, 2017

No it’s not.

I mean.

Technically, yes, it’s Friday and tomorrow I will get up and go to yoga as I have been doing on the weekends, but instead of having the day to do with what I would, I will be working.

I’m ok with it.

Not thrilled.




Let’s be frank.

The extra money is nice.

I just paid rent and I’m not skint, not be a long shot, but I am short and since the whole out-of-pocket dentist deal, I’ve been a little more paycheck to paycheck then I would like to be.


There’s nothing to worry about.

And hey.

I just applied for some more student loans!



So, there’s that.

I decided that I will not sabotage my holiday plans to Paris, I have been saving up for this and I have been holding onto my tax return specifically to go to Paris, to have my ten days and eat them too, drink the cafes, eat the art, walk the streets, wander through the arrondissements, walk the parks, sit and watch the Parisians go by, I deserve this vacation.

I have been working my ass off.

I decided to apply for the summer financial aid that is being offered for my program instead of dipping into my travel fund.

It’s school.

It’s not cocaine.


I don’t want to hear it.


My student loans are the only debt I have, I don’t have credit cards or anything outstanding on my scooter–bought that in cash–I have no debt of any kind nor have I in some time, I’m ok with taking out a little more.

I’m paying for it either way and I also realized that though I am ok with paying the therapy once a week out-of-pocket, it would be nice to throw some of my financial aid at that as well, since technically I do have to do it for my degree.


The long and short of it is that I’m not going to live in financial fear, I am going to take care of myself, and the money that I will get for working over the weekend for the family will be nice.



In cash.

No taxes taken out, thank you very much.

I’m also happy to do it to help out the family, the mom has been so appreciative of my help and flexibility with them, especially with dad traveling for work, that it doesn’t seem that much of an imposition.


I have done my school work and I’m pretty much prepped for next weekends classes.

Unusual to have it all done, except for a bit of reading I’ll address next week, and not to have any papers I have to write the weekend before, for which I’m really grateful.

I also know that I will be having fun adventures with my charges, I’m going to get them out of the house and either off to the Academy of Sciences, the Zoo, or the Exploratorium.

We will not be going to the Upper Noe Valley Rec center, as lovely as that can be, we will be having a field trip.

And it’s going to be good weather.

And I will get to yoga before work and go do the deal afterward.

The time will pass and I won’t be doing super long days, just six hours.

I am a little tired, I won’t lie, but I have also paced myself well this week, gotten out to do the deal every night, seen folks, spoken, shared, did service, took care of what needed to be taken care of, shared experience, strength, hope, and got decent sleep all week.

Not bad.

I even got flowers from the mom today at work for doing such a nice job for them this week.

I was totally not expecting that and it was so sweet and touching, I teared up a little.

This job is such a gift.

I am a very lucky girl.

I got smiles from the baby today.

Snuggles from both the older kids.

I got to see my former charges at school pickup.


Ice cream cones with rainbow sprinkles (not for me, but for the kids) from Bi-Rite Ice Creamery.

Vicarious joy.

I had an amazing afternoon start with the mom and solo time with the baby I wasn’t expecting, it was the first time I was left completely on my own with the baby and it felt like a really nice thing, an affirmation of my abilities, but also a trusting and that was nice.

Things are good.

Life is full.

The days are longer, full of sunshine and I feel brighter too.

Certainly more accepting of myself and my process with my job, where I am at with the internship, the fact, god damn, the fucking fact, that I have all the paperwork signed and turned in, that I navigated this deal since December and have it ready to go and that I’ll be starting in summer, a full semester before I need to, that I get to start accruing my hours really soon.


In two months.

I start my internship May 22nd.

The day after I get back from Paris.

That date is actually for the paperwork, my supervisor looked up at me, pushed his glasses up his nose and said, “well, let’s just put the 22nd down for your start, but I think we’ll start you on the 23rd, give you a day to get over your jet lag.”

Much appreciated.


I’m 3/4s of the way through the semester, two weekends of work left, three papers, a bunch of reading, but really, I’m getting there.



So happy I bought the ticket.

My life is a dream.

Especially when I see it through the perspective of the service I get to do, just by showing up and letting others bear witness to my process and journey.

So many gifts.



Moment to moment.





You Sound Exhausted

October 4, 2014


That sounds about right.

Although, of course, now that I am at home and the door is open to the ocean air and the night is young, well, you know, I’ve got a second wind.


When I chatted with my friend earlier I had just pushed a heavy stroller to Juri Commons in the heat of the afternoon and was pretty beat just from that, let alone the week, which did in spots kick my ass.

Today was a great deal better for me though.

The mom and I conferred more and we are on the same page with what I do and am doing and they are super happy and I am happy and I also don’t have to be a crazy perfectionist and make things always just so.

I can let some things slide.

Not the boys safety or well-being, of course, but if I don’t fold the laundry until tomorrow, that’s going to be ok.

They are thrilled and I am thrilled.

Although I wasn’t much thrilled when I received my electronic notice about my direct deposit.

Holy shit.

They took a lot out for taxes.

Then again, I claimed zero, knowing that I wanted them to take the most out.  I always look at it as a forced savings account–claim zero dependents they take the biggest chunk, then there’s usually a little I get back at tax time.

It’s a chunk, but I am happy to be above-board, completely legit, not sneaking anything by anyone.  It feels right and I didn’t really feel or have any drama when I saw my paycheck.

On one hand I am making less than when I was working my three previous nanny gigs (they didn’t take out taxes), on the other, I am making more.

Plus I get a health insurance stipend and a lot of paid days off.

I have paid vacation galore.

I got the holiday calendar today for the days I will get paid off in the next year, holidays that the dad gets with his job, and they total, not the standard 5 I am used to, but.

Wait for it.


Fourteen paid holidays.

I was blown away.

For instance I get Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and the day after Christmas as paid days off–normally I have just gotten Christmas day off, or just Thanksgiving, I get the day after Thanksgiving off as well.


I am thrilled.

This is on top of the two weeks paid vacation I get as part of my package.

And when I was checking in with the mom today about the insurance she said we’re going to cut you a check for this month and for last month too.


I wasn’t even fully employed with them last month.

But they are going to give me a back month of health insurance.

Right the fuck on.

I feel super appreciated and I really like them.

It’s a good fit and I feel that I can grow with the family as they grow too.

I feel like I can have this job for a while, that it will be a great segue into graduate school; especially since I want to be working, but can’t work full-time when I am in school.

The little guy today had a great nap and I was able to get all the household stuff taken care of far ahead of schedule.

So I sat down after my lunch and I did my spending plan for October having tallied up my September expenditures, and I saw clearly that though the income is slightly less, it is enough.

And it’s stable.

I wasn’t sure week to week last year if I was going to have full-time work and often times I would have to pick up weekend shifts or part-time gigs here and there to cover my costs.

The income is stable.

I know exactly how much I can count on.

And with the health insurance stipend and the cash that I will get paid if I work over 40 hours, which I did this week, I am quite nicely taken care of.

My out going expenses are pretty small.

Student loans.

Scooter payment.

Which I only have two more months and it’s mine free and clear.

Although what I am going to do with it is still up in the air.  I want to sell it but nothing has coalesced yet.  I am certain once I have the financials all clear I will want to move forward rapidly to find another ride.

The bicycling is great, but when the days get shorter and colder and the nights long, I am not going to be wanting to be doing the commute.  Two weeks of bicycling and I can tell I am going to want a better commuting solution.

It will happen.

Just because I can’t see it right in front of me doesn’t meant that there isn’t a solution to my scooter dilemma.

This is not a problem either.

It’s just another opportunity to grow and have another experience.

Granted I would rather it be easier than it has been, but the solution will find me if I keep putting it out there.  I want a scooter I can ride and I know that it’s in my cards to find that.

And it’s the weekend.

Like that.

I made it.

I have little to do, a commitment tomorrow in Noe Valley, a speaking engagement in the Mission on Sunday, a tea date and check in with a lady tomorrow, grocery shopping, cooking, sleeping in.

Small, simple, honest things.

I’ll read.

I’ll meditate.

I will take the next action around graduate school–Saturday’s will be my go to-day to do work on graduate school admissions.

I will sit in the sun.

I will get a manicure and a pedicure and have someone wax my eyebrows and I will drink an iced coffee or three in my wanders.

I will take at least one day off from riding my bicycle so that my legs can rest.

I will relax and take it easy.

My life is pretty damn awesome.

Even when I am tired.

It’s rocking the hell out.

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