Posts Tagged ‘wet’

God Damn It

January 11, 2017

I got the cold.


I just got over the stupid flu thing that was going around.

Two weeks of that shit over my birthday and Christmas and now.


I have the cold.

I just did the unheard of.


I called in sick to work.

Because when out of nowhere, I mean, no warning, ones nose starts running so fast that it ends up in your cleavage, you don’t go to work.



Especially not with a brand new baby in the house.


I just got the fucking flu shot last week, and the Tdap.

I think I caught it last night, I could feel a tickle in my nose and I had a little bit of difficulty falling asleep.


I went in.

I didn’t think much of it.

The weather, frankly, is not much help either.

Wet feet, rain, wind, storms, coldness.

Lots of excitement out there.


I thought maybe, maybe, it’s allergies.

Because at first all that was happening was random big sneezes every so often.

Until towards the end of the day and then it started to be a bit of congestion and runny nose.

Then more rain, cold, waiting on trains and by the time I got home I had to have the box of tissues right by my side.

Because when my nose started running that fast I had to use my shirt.


Oh my God.

I had absolutely no desire to call in sick, in fact, I feel mortified.

But I can’t with any good conscience take this to work with a new-born.

Oh, my nose hurts.


This is not good.

I have school this weekend, my anniversary dinner, get out of my body fucking illness.



I swear, my entire blog won’t be about my cold.

I got my dress!

There’s that.

And it’s so cute.

I was right, the company sent my dress to the woman who’s cardigan sweater I received.

Pretty easy mistake, we both live within blocks of each other.

So she came by tonight, dropped off my dress, got her sweater, and hey, hey.

I have a super cute new dress.

You can check it out here.

Freaking adorable.

Fits like a charm.

I will either wear it with my platform Mary Janes or my Converse, depending on how I feel come Sunday.

I’m going to school, I’m not going to call out sick and hopefully, whatever stupid cold bug this is will rapidly cycle through and out of my body.

I’m wearing that dress come hell or high water.

With my little black cardigan and some black leggings, it’ll be hella cute.

And it looks really good with my hair back to brunette.

Happy to have a new frock.


And super happy I didn’t have to return the sweater and wait for the company to figure out the error, really happy I was proactive and contacted the woman who was listed on the packing slip.

Granted I could get annoyed with the company, but it was a human error, and mistakes happen.

I’m just happy to have it for the weekend.

And for in general.

It’s a very cute dress.

Pardon me while I breathe open-mouthed and sit here with a very strange look on my face, that one, yes, there, the one where I’m about to sneeze but haven’t yet.

Hella distracting.

I think I’m going to make more tea.

I think I might have to have tissues delivered if I continue wiping my nose.



I haven’t heard back from the family, but I really don’t see going into work tomorrow, not at this rate.

I’m in bunny slippers with my third cup of tea since I got home, shed the shirt I wiped my nose on, thank you very much, and a box of tissues on the table that is now half empty.

I don’t actually, at the moment, feel that bad, and I sound hella sexy, like I stuffed three packs of menthol cigarettes in my mouth and lit up after drinking a bottle of whiskey.

Not that I did either.

It’s fun though, sort of, having a husky voice.

God’s way of compensating for the runny nose.

Sorry your snot ran out your nose so fast you had to use your shirt, but hey, you sound super sexy.

Like anyone wants to be within ten feet of me right now.

I could use a cuddle if you’re down, though.

Just saying.

Misery loves company.


Oh gosh.

I amuse myself.

Which is good, I’ll probably be my only company for the next twenty-four hours or so.

Hoping that if I take it easy and let the cold run it’s course, I haven’t really much of a choice, it’s running it’s fucking course down my face, I will be able to at least go into work on Thursday and be ready for the school weekend come Friday.

At least tomorrow is supposed to be the last day of rain for a while.

I might just need to do that.

Lie in bed.

Listen to the rain.


Like I just did.



That’s some heady shit.


That was like, make sure your eyes are closed tight, or your eyeballs might fly out of your head.

Sneezing is actually kind of fun in a gross out kind of way.

I’m so distracted, this blog is taking a long time to write.

And I am legitimately sick.


I’m going to call it a night and ease on down the road with my box of tissues.

Night all.

Rest well.

I’ll be using my box of tissues for a pillow.


You think I’m joking.




September 25, 2014

I’d love a second shower.


Let me get off my bike first.

Oh well.

Apparently my bicycle needed some cleaning off.  I really have put on some miles on her over the last four days.  From zero to 50 in just a few days.  I haven’t been on my bike this much since before my accident spraining my ankle.

Said ankle is holding up ok.

It’s tender, although it’s tender on the opposite side of the main injury, as though the muscles there are just tired of supporting the outside of the ankle that sustained the worst of the injury.

Yesterday my shin hurt too.

The bicycle riding has put a little stress on it, but not so much that I am going to give up on the bicycle commuting in and out of work.  The commute is 6.4 miles from door to door.  Plus throw in the little bicycling I do after work to do the deal and I am putting about 13-15 miles on my bike daily.

At least this last few days.

Sunday I probably only did seven miles.

Which is nothing to sneeze at when I consider that I was out of the saddle for as long as was.

Today was definitely a 15 mile day.

I got off a half hour early today, grandparents in town, which helped me decide to ride over to 41st and Ulloa for the 7p.m., who got to do the winding down routine with the boys after dinner and bath time was done.

Which in case you were wondering is quite the fest of child juggling.

I know I will get used to it, but there was a lot of activity today for the little guys and when you throw new nanny in with grandparent visit and old nanny leaving, the circus comes to town and they throw temper tantrums for fun.

I got a small preview yesterday and full on fun today.

I am actually really proud of how I handle it.


I let him have it.

In front of grandma, with mom and dad in the office behind me, said office that has the floor to ceiling windows so everything that is happening in the courtyard is able to be seen, basically in front of the whole wide world, and I just let him have it and stood firm on what I knew had to be a time out or I would be a marked nanny.

Most temper tantrums run their course and are over far sooner if they are just given their reign.  I let them know I understand they are having feelings and even better, they get to have them.  But they do not get to continue the behaviour that caused the time out.

Then we do some breathing.

Then the topic gets changed.

Then, well, then, it’s like nothing happened, let’s play some more, “hey look, did you see the airplane?!”

And like that.

What I really appreciate is that neither the mom or the day interrupted what was going on and let me do my deal and let him have his time out and it was fine.

The job seems to be really going well and the mom told me today that they felt really lucky to have me and that was nice.

And the littlest one called for me on the monitor during his nap time, which just creamed my heart, “Carmen, Carmen, Carmen, help.”

He’d taken off his sock and was trying to put it back on.

He wasn’t ready to go down for his nap and knew, they always know where the camera is, like a honing device, to stand under the camera eye and give the monitor the big, brown puppy dog eyes.

Oh my gosh.

Those eyes.

Turns out he really did end up needing help, poop, it happens, so nap took a little while to happen, but it was so nice to see the smile and here the chatter and know that he trusts me and is already asking for me.

The older is  a little more reserved, but still quite happy to snuggle up on me, eat his lunch, read stories, and he went right to me when he hurt his foot and I put on the bandage and hugged him and it was all good.

What is also all good is having the outgoing nanny help me with the set up of the routines and the daily comings and goings of the family and what needs to be taken care of when.

There’s a whole lot of work going on, dinners, lunches, marketing, errands, phone calls, organizing, outings, play dates, events.

I have been very privileged to get the insider track on all of it.

I also got the insider track on my paycheck which is not as much fun as I thought it would be.

Number one, it’s a delayed pay period.

Which means that no, I won’t get paid for my first week of work until next week.

This can be nice when you are finished with a job and that means that you still have another week’s worth of money coming; but man, it sucks on the front end.

The mom was super nice about breaking the news and said if I should need any cash prior to that happening to let them help me out.

However, since I was let go of from my previous nanny position a week early without pay I had already made the decision to pay my rent to have it out-of-the-way.

I am so grateful I did that.

I think I must have just had a gut feeling, well, I know I did, which is why I paid early, I am just grateful I listened to it instead of banking on the income that until this afternoon I thought I would have.

My intuition has also been speaking to me of rain gear–no joke, thought of it twice today, time for a rain coat, time for rain boots.

So, I found it funny to be riding home this evening with the fog so heavy it felt like rain, and wouldn’t you know, it is rain.

I was drenched by the time I got home.

I won’t be able to buy rain gear this week.

But I will the following.

All the things are happening.

Just got to keep showing up.

Rain or shine.

Someone Stole My House

April 2, 2014

She cried plaintive and sudden in the silence.

I shuddered.

How bad is it when you are stealing the umbrella of a homeless woman?


I shivered some more on my bicycle ride home from 7th and Irving, after having made a short, drenched trek from Cole Valley to the Inner Sunset just a brief hour previous.

I was wet.


Not miserable though.

A little wary.

A bit scared.

The good kind of fear, the cautious kind, the let the cars go ahead, squeeze that front brake slowly, slow, slow, slow, pause, and take the glasses off.

They ain’t gonna do you no good bleary with rain.

It was a wet ride home, let me tell you.

But no one had stolen my umbrella–it’s in the hallway, and when I got home, I have a home to come home to, another grateful thing, rent was paid this past Friday–no one had appropriated my house.

I peeled the we clothes off, me, literally peeled, cranked up the heater (I think I may actually pause here in a moment, it’s almost as warm as I want it, too warm is not great either), lit some candles up, for the cheeriness of it, and dragged a brush through my wet tangled hair.

That, my friends, is a work out, I tell ya.

Then, into the shower.

The very hot shower.


So freaking good.



And now the clothes are in the washer and soon to be in the dryer, I had to wash off my messenger bag too, it was pretty road grimy, not too bad considering I do have my rain fender on over my rear wheel, but it still got a bit gross.

This too, a blessing.

I have lived in places before where the laundry was not on site, not in the building, not on the same block, and had to dry out the coat and scarf and hope that the shoes would all be dry in the morning when I had to get up and go do it all over again.

But tomorrow, it doesn’t look like rain.

In fact, when I was coming home in the worst of it, I could still see ahead of me, a bright clearing, a gloaming silver and streaky blue where the last light of the day was leaking through the cloud banks.

It will all blow off and tomorrow and Thursday look clear.

Friday, again, probably rain, but Friday I will probably take the MUNI to work.

“I could loan you an umbrella,” my boss said to me sweetly concerned about my riding off into the wet.  “You could take MUNI in the morning.”

She was entirely correct.

I could take MUNI in the morning, but I don’t care for the unreliable N-Judah to get me to work on time.  It will get me to work, but I am either quite a bit early or just a little bit late.

Neither scenario am I a fan of.


Friday, I have a slightly later start and the 45 minutes of leeway I get do allow me to get up at my normal 7 a.m. time and hit the train to the bus to the job without too much anxiety about my timing.

I did not regret that I took my bike home.

I still got home faster than had I taken the train.

Albeit quiet a bit wetter.

As I mentioned earlier, I am grateful to have a home to come home to and get myself cozy in.  It really is a miracle that I am where I am considering all the crazy in my life.

I forget that sometimes when I get in fear about not having enough or getting what I want or being afraid of losing what I have.

I had some rant going in my head this afternoon when I managed to sneak out to the park with the boys in between a cloud burst.

I mean, really, it was amazing.

We made it to Golden Gate park and back without getting drenched.

We did get a little wet, it started up again two and a half blocks away from the house, but my instincts had sussed out that we would have the time to go and maybe get in a carousel ride.

The carousel itself was closed, but the swings were happening and I got to have a minute outside the house to which I have spent a lot of time in the last few days with the super wet weather.

Change of scenery.

Change of pace.

Stretch the legs.

Dash through the wet park to shake out the ya yas in my head.

“Did you drink today,” a booming though imploded in my brain when the fear of not getting what I want went galloping through my head as I walked the path of the park pushing the double stroller ahead of me.


I have not.

And I don’t plan on doing so.

I instantly relaxed.

I let go.

I just surrendered.

So things aren’t on my time line.

When the fuck have they ever been?

I am completely fine.

Taken care of.



The worry, the anxiety, free-floating and useless, drained away and yes, the ride home was not the most pleasant thing I have ever experienced, but it was an experience.

And as a writer, first and foremost, whether published to great acclaim or not, I write, I need experiences.

I can tell you exactly what it feel like to ride through the rain in San Francisco when the wind is cold and the rain falls hard.

When the tops of your thighs are wet, but not the bottom side, the cold stick of blue jeans and the sodden squish of water in a cloth Converse shoe, the part of my back that suddenly, involuntarily shivered, when my jacket rode up and my bare skin got a heavy splash of cold water on it.

Or the way that sky looked, ranging out over the heavy gray sea.

The curls of clouds pushing forward on the ocean wind and the milk cream of light, skinned blue along the edges where the lingering light of day shed its last kiss on my wet face.

Nothing is wasted.

There are no mistakes in God’s world.

And when I surrender to that.

Then everything really is alright.




I am home.


Completely taken care of.

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