Yeah, I know what I wrote.
I am thouroughly enjoying my Iphone as it is in my Ihome player shuffling my jazz collection off my computer. I downloaded all my, well not all, but a good portion of my music onto my phone and I just recently remembered that. It is completely different then the music I have on my Ipod.
I always listen to jazz on Sundays. It’s my routine. It’s my ritual, it means it is Sunday.
I don’t always take a hot bath on Sundays. In fact, I almost never take a hot bath. I was “complaining” to John Ater earlier that I haven’t been asked out on a date in a while and what’s up with that? And he replied, I have a suggestion, why don’t you take yourself on a date.
Well, I do that all the time. Then he further suggested that I make a date with a friend. Now that is a great idea, take the focus off me getting asked out and all that “jazz”. I will be calling some girl friends up, Beth, maybe Margo, to go see the new Twilight movie. Shhh. I said it.
Crossing my fingers that my special some one out there does not read my blogs and suddenly change his mind about asking me out. Ew, she’s into the Twilight movies. Yup. I am.
I can listen to jazz and like Twilight. I am allowed. But in the time being, there will be no going to the movies tonight, I have drawn a bath. Right now, there is a hot bath in my house.
I’m not in it yet because it is too hot. That’s why I have taken this opportunity to write my blog a little earlier than I normally would, because my bath is chilling off enough for me to get into it. I was explaining to Beth earlier that my bathroom is located directly over the hot water heater for the entire building, thus the cats like to hang out in there and will oft-times literally sleep in the bathtub or directly underneath it. It’s a claw foot, there’s space for a kitty to get cozy up under there.
Which means, that my water is hot, hot, hot. I ran my tub full, with bubbles, thank you very much, with the cold water tap open full force and the hot water half-open and it’s still too hot to get into. I could have just ran the cold water, but I wanted enough water power to make some bubbles. It’s just that much more satisfying to get into. But that means letting it cool down enough. Man, my problems sure are harsh.
The other reason I’m running a bath is that I have a head ache. It’s the same head ache I often get–focused right between my eyes and there’s this weird little ridge of muscle that gets tight and swells up. I am fairly certain this is a tension head ache. But I am not for certain. I haven’t gone to the doctor around it in some time and now, since I’ve cancelled my health insurance and only have two weeks left on it, only now, have I thought, maybe I ought to do something about this.
I also have been, as long as I’m getting honest, this very odd floating sensation when I look down, especially when I’m writing long hand in my journal in the morning. It’s not so bad when I’m writing on the computer, although it does happen. But it’s really disconcerting when I’m writing long hand and it’s been happening now for about two and a half, maybe three weeks.
I just acknowledged it, to myself about three days ago as it’s gotten to the point when I’m writing that I can’t ignore it. I have been forcing myself to do my writing and just power through and then I forget about it until I am up again the next morning writing.
I have been getting these head aches for so long that I don’t think much of them. They are obnoxious and they don’t feel good. Literally, but I just put up with the pain.
I am thinking that perhaps this is not the best idea. And as I was canoodling around trying to figure out how I should spend my Sunday evening in, the thought crossed my mind of, maybe you should go see your doctor about this and maybe you should see a opthamologist about this. Maybe. I thought, I could go on Kaiser’s website and see if they have any openings. I should do that.
Yeah, should.
That’s great, how about I just do it?
I have some fears, I will admit, I am afraid of wearing glasses again. I had laser surgery done about ten years ago now and I’m afraid that there’s something wrong with my eyes, thus the headaches, but I don’t want there to be anything wrong with my eyes, so I’ve been ignoring it.
I am having breakfast with John Ater in the morning before I go into work. I already know I have to tell him and I can already here his response, so maybe what I should do is just get on the fucking stick and go see my doctor while I still have a doctor I can see.
I mean, I watch a lot of Grey’s Anatomy, right, I’m a brain surgeon, right?
Sigh, not a doctor, not a doctor, not a doctor. Just because I think I know what’s best for me, does not mean that it is. In fact, it probably means the exact opposite. I will finish up this blog, take some ibuprofen, see I know it’s bad when I do that, I never take anything for it and this will be the second time this week I’ve taken ibuprofen. It’s gotten bad.
I know it may also be from stress.
What stress?
Oh, I don’t know, Martines. New job.
Lease ending in apartment, no new home to go to. Just keep whistling in the dark, nothing’s wrong here. I know I’m taken care of, but I believe my head does not. And I am prone to stress migraines. Something else I don’t admit to anyone and something that for the last six and a half years I have refused to address. I get head aches all the time. I don’t address it. Them. Them. It means one, them means many.
Before I moved to San Francisco I did once go in and see a doctor about the migraines. He said, you are not telling me classic migraine symptoms, then spotting a future alcoholic, he asked me some really interesting, relevant (although I did not understand them at the time) questions about my habits and my family. He said that my cigarette smoking was a sign of a poor way I was handling the stress. I was 23 at the time. Fifteen years later, maybe it’s time to see another doctor.
Why I find this interesting now is that after having a very frank and open talk with this man I never saw again, he said, well, as long as you’re here, let’s just check you out. And what do you know, it turns out that there were broken blood vessels in the backs of my eyes–a sign that I was actually having migraines. Albeit migraines that don’t show classic tells.
And head aches that I just put up with and don’t tell anyone I have. The doctor said they were stress migraines.
Thus, the bath. Taking a hot bath is supposed to reduce stress. And jazz. And maybe, making an appointment to be seen might be helpful too.
Sigh.
Signing off my blog.
Signing into Kaiser.
Then getting into the bathtub, the water should be just about right.
Auntiebubba 