Although, I’m sure, as it so frequently happens, that once I am done writing I will feel not so tired at all, but today, was sure as shit, one hell of a tiring day.
The foggy grey morning was hard to get up to.
Feeling blue.
But up I did and out I went and oh snap.
Forgot the field trip adventure that the mom had planned for today.
The Ice Cream Museum.
Fuck.
Sugar overload.
So much sugar.
And so many photo opportunities for Instagram.
It was not a fun experience.
Well, the kids had fun.
I was rather appalled.
For the cost of the ticket and what was actually gotten it was a tourist trap for sure.
The kids had Pop Rocks, miniature ice cream cones, cotton candy, and mint chocolate chip mochi, and Ghiradelli chocolate squares.
It was a lot of crap for them.
And really when I thought about it we could have gone to the corner store-bought the same amount of candy and ice cream and saved about $75.
But, it wasn’t my money, and the kids were over the moon.
High as kites too.
We took them to the park that’s down town by the Children’s Creativity Museum afterward and let them run it out for a while.
But I have to say, by the time we got them back on BART and back to Glen Park, they were frazzled and peaked.
Fortunately for me.
Both of my clients cancelled.
Both!
That is super rare.
I do get a lot of cancellations, sliding scale sessions for $10 are easy to cancel on, the repercussion for not showing up is not really that bad.
Which is what happened today.
I took the opportunity to get myself to a church basement and get grounded and then do some needed grocery shopping before coming home and making myself a hot meal.
I will also say that the continued sadness around my break up and holding myself to the no contact boundary with my ex is emotionally exhausting.
When we were at the park something I saw deeply reminded me of him and I suddenly found myself crying.
No one saw it, but I was upset for losing it at work.
I just got off a phone call with my person and had it reiterated to me that I’m doing the hard work right now and that the sadness will pass and at some point there will be a stopping point.
It was also pointed out that the crying goes faster.
Meaning, I’m not losing it for as long as I was.
I noticed that last night when we met at Firewood and I was doing my check in.
I cried, I was sad, but it wasn’t head on the table sobbing like it was last week or the inability to stop crying at all the week before.
There is a lessening of it.
I miss him like crazy, I still am in it, but the horrifying sadness is leveling out a little bit.
I also had it pointed out that I will be soon leaving for my PhD intensive and that will distract me too.
Yes, yes it will, I am sure.
I have had some moments of anxiety about having taken on the further study, but over all I do have a very firm belief in myself that I will get through the program and before you know it I will have a doctoral degree.
There will be a lot of work.
But I am not incapable of doing it.
I also have more things to do to get ready for my upcoming transition to the private practice internship, but I am leaving that just slightly on the back burner.
I just need to focus on getting through these next days at work and since there probably will not be another outing, ever, to the Ice Cream Museum, it shouldn’t be as manic as it was today.
I’ll be in Pacifica before you know it and immersed in my program, getting to know my professors and the rest of the cohort.
Or any of the cohort, I haven’t met anyone yet.
I’m sure it will be a good distraction to from my feelings as I will have a room-mate at the intensive.
Fingers crossed she doesn’t snore.
Plus, it will be good to be out of the house for a little while.
The passive aggressiveness of the landlady is wearing.
I’m still very actively looking at places, but I’m not freaking out about not having found anything yet.
I even turned down a room-mate situation that ended up being a hilarious small world sort of joke.
I got word from a friend that someone she knew was looking for a long-term sublet for his room and it turns out that the person is the room-mate to a guy I dated briefly years ago.
Yeah.
Not going to live there.
But it was funny and gave me another opportunity to say no to a situation that would not work, despite the rent being really cheap.
Still holding firm that the perfect place is out there, that I can afford.
With parking, utilities included, hard wood floors, 1/4 of my monthly income, laundry on site, high ceilings, lots of light and windows, a full size kitchen, a bathtub.
It will happen.
It will.
Auntiebubba 